


Dear Angel...

by RoxyGirl24



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Anonymity, Co-workers, Confused Castiel, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Love/Hate, M/M, Perfume, Protective Gabriel, Quotations, Secret Admirer, Secret Identity, Secret Relationship, Shy Dean, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-20 10:06:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 43,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1506551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoxyGirl24/pseuds/RoxyGirl24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when the one person you hate the most in this world is the same person you've been falling in love with over love letters? "Dear Anonymous, what ever happens after tonight, I just want you to know that I've fallen in love with you. Don't keep me waiting too long, cause I've waited my whole life for you...Your Angel...Castiel J. Novak."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I wrote in another fandom and I wanted to share it over here with Supernatural. I though it was fitting being that the letters are titled Dear Angel. Hope you like all like it! Story is almost complete so I should be posting the chapters twice a week.

**(Castiel's POV)**

* * *

 

**_Dear Angel,_ **

**_And, yes. I called you angel, cause that's what you truly are, an angel. I've watched over you everyday since the first day I saw you walking into the building. I'm pretty sure that you haven't noticed me, but I sure as hell have noticed you. I'm sorry if this sounds a little creepy, because the last thing I want is to scare you away. For some crazy reason, I just can't stop thinking about you and those gorgeous blue eyes. I've never seen such beautiful eyes in my whole entire life and they literally took my breath away and that's something that doesn't happen very often._ **

**_Trust me on this one..._ **

**_I've tried so many times to walk up to you and to ask you out on a date, cause I would love nothing more than to treat my angel right and take him out for a night on the town filled with so much love and romance just like you deserve my angel. However, every time that I've tried approaching you, I somehow screw things up, either by making a fool of myself in front of everyone, of by losing my nerve half way there when I see your beautiful smile beaming towards me._ **

**_Unfortunately for now, this is all I can offer you, my angel. A love letter just for you._ **

**_I hope that when you read this, you don't think that I'm crazy for writing this. Because you have no idea how hard it was for me to pick up a pen and write these words to you._ **

**_I leave you today with a quote from anonymous._ **

**_"If I ever saw an angel, it was in your eyes."_ **

**_Anonymous_ **

* * *

**_"Hey, Novak? You ready to leave?"_** , Gabriel asked as he walked into my office and took a seat at my desk.

_**"Yeah, Just give me a second"**_ , I added as I pushed the letter inside my notebook before picking up the last of my things and packing them up securely into my brief case before leaving the office for the day.

**_"So, Friday?"_** , he added,  _ **"You going to the office party?"**_

I'm surprised that Gabriel even asked that question, because he knows how much I loath office parties, but for some reason, I guess he feels the need to keep asking me over and over hoping that I might finally change my mind someday. Like that's really going to happen.

But as much as I hate office parties, there is something else I hate even more. Or should I maybe say, someone?

I got up from my chair and headed towards the door,  _ **"Look, you know how I feel about..."**_ , I started saying as I opened the door to step out of the office. However, I wasn't able to finish my sentence when someone bumped into me, causing my briefcase to fall open, sending my documents flying across the hallway.

**_"Hey! Why don't you watch where your going?"_** , I snapped.

_**"I'm sorry. I didn't see you coming"**_ , I head a voice whisper softly,  _ **"Here, let me help you with that"**_ , he offered and started picking up the scattered papers.

_**"You!"**_ , I said loudly as I pulled the rippled papers out of his hand,  ** _"I'll pick them up myself, thank_** ** _you"_** , I hissed and he pulled away.

_**"Look man, I'm truly sorry. I just wanted to help you pick them up"**_ , he explained.

_**"It's fine. You've done enough damage for one day. I'll take over from here. Bye!"**_ , I fumed.

_**"Bye. I'll see you around"**_ , he said softly and walked away.

_**"Don't count on it!"**_ , I mumbled as I roughly placed the papers back into my brief case and got up off the ground.

Gabriel smiled and chuckled slightly.

_**"Oh! So you think this is funny?"**_ , I asked. Clearly I wasn't amused by Gabriel childish behavior.

**_"It is funny. You didn't see the look on your face when you saw who it was did you?"_** , Gabriel teased.

_**"I would rather not, look at his face"**_ , I made clear as I loosened up my tie.

_**"Can I ask you a question?"** _

**_"Well, it depends on the question your asking."_ **

_**"Why do you hate him so much?"**_ , Gabriel asked and waited for my answer.

**_"Do I really have to answer that?"_** , I retaliated.

_**"Look, I know how much you wanted that promotion, but you don't have to hate the guy for being highly**_ _ **qualified for the position"**_ , Gabriel explained.

_**"I get what you're saying, but I've worked here busting my ass off for three years, and here he comes walking in, Mr. with the perfect hair and the perfect smile, and gets the job without even trying."** _

**_"Mr. With the perfect hair? Perfect smile?"_** , Gabriel giggled,  ** _"Seems to me that someone has it bad for Mr._** ** _Winchester?"_**

Alright, just to be fair, as much as I hated to admit it, Dean Winchester was probably the hottest guy here in the 3rd floor. Scratch that, the whole building. However, that doesn't mean I have a thing for him just be cause I think his hair is nice and his smile is sexy. What the hell am I thinking?

So, I lied,  ** _"I do not and I repeat, do not have it bad for Mr. Winchester. I hate him!"_** , I angrily made clear and walked out the front door of the building with Gabriel smirking right behind me.

_**"Okay, if you say so. So, Friday. You coming?"** _

_**"No!"** _

* * *

After Gabriel dropped me off at my apartment, I went inside and took a nice long shower and popped a frozen dinner in the microwave. Once I got out of the shower, I pulled on a pair of sweat pants and t-shirt and went into the kitchen to have dinner and to get some work done.

When I opened my brief case, I remembered the letter that was stashed away inside my note-book. I pulled it out and read it over a few times before placing it back on the counter next to me. I smiled at the words anonymous used. He called me his angel and no one has ever called me that before.

I shook my head knowing how stupid this was to even think about answering this letter and how I would be able to get this letter to its rightful owner, not knowing who anonymous was in the least.

Against my better judgement, I pulled out a blank piece of paper and started writing back, hoping that it would reach

**_Dear Anonymous, I'm truly captivated by your words. Angel? No one has ever called me that before. It's kind weird that someone thinks so highly of me when clearly, I am nothing close to an angel. You will see that when you clearly get to know me._ **

**_I can't help but wonder why you're so fascinated with my eyes. They are only the eyes of a lonely, boring man who's got nothing better to do that sit at home wondering when things will get better. You see, I am nothing as you describe me out to be. I am no angel._ **

**_I am very flattered that you would want to treat me to a romantic night out, but I can help but ask why? Why do you think that I'm worthy of your kindness? I'll be honest with you and tell you that I blushed when I read that the first time. I'm still blushing furiously as I write you this letter._ **

**_No one as ever made me feel so special before, trust me..._ **

**_I wish I knew who you were, so I could hand deliver you this letter to you personally. However, I understand how hard it can be to put yourself out there and the revel your true identity. Who knows, maybe someday you will be able to walk up to me and make yourself known and ask me out properly._ **

**_For now, All I can offer you in return is this letter, just like you have done for me._ **

**_Before I go, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for making me feel like I'm special to someone. It made day so much better than I could have ever hoped for._ **

**_I will end this letter as you did mine. With a quote by anonymous._ **

**_"I hate that no matter how hard I try, I know I'll never cry about not having you, only about how beautiful you've made me feel."_ **

**_Your Angel , Castiel J. Novak._ **

**_P.S. I'm still blushing :)_ **

**_To be Continued...OXO_ **


	2. Chapter 2

**(Castiel's POV)**

* * *

 

**_Dear Angel, I'm so happy that you've found my letter. I wasn't expecting a reply back so soon, but I'm glad that you did. You see, now I'm the one who blushing just by reading the words dribbled across the plain white piece of paper. I'm such a sappy guy for feeling this way about a person that I hardly even_ ** **_know, but I hope that someday, I'll finally have to courage to walk up to you and get to know the person that I truly believe that you are._ **

**_It saddens me that you don't think highly of yourself when you truly are an amazing person. When I look at you, all I see is this wonderful person who is waiting to find his place in the world. I get that you're lonely, and I know it's not easy at times, but believe me when I say that it does gets better, I promise...Oh, and I might have forgotten to mention that you're so god damn beautiful that my heart stops every time I see you walking by._ **

**_"If I shall die before the day ends, I wish to die knowing that my angel knows how beautiful he truly is"_ **

**_This is a quote from me. I just made that up. Cheesy, right?_ **

**_You asked me why do I think that you are worthy of my love and my kindness. Do you honestly think that you would deserve anything less? You are so kind and generous to others, it seems only fair that you should have you're share of kindness and love returned to you. Maybe one day, I could be the one to show_ ** **_you just how much kindness and love you truly deserve._ **

**_My Angel would not deserve anything less..._ **

**_Someday...I promise..._ **

**_For now, All I can offer you is letter and this flower to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I have chosen a single blue rose for the purpose of my identity to remain a mystery and to keep you intrigue by my anonymity, and maybe a little because it's the same color as your beautiful eyes that I can't seem to stop dreaming about._ **

**_I leave you today with this quote from anonymous._ **

**_"Every minute I spend with you is like being in heaven and looking in an angel's eyes."_ **

**_Your Anonymous_ **

* * *

I sat quietly behind my desk. In one hand, I'm holding the single blue rose that anonymous has left for me, and in the other hand, his letter.

It's been two days since I received his first letter, and let me just say that It's been the happiest two days of my life, even without knowing who this person actually is. I can't help but wonder who is behind these sappy love letters and kind words. I also can't stop smiling at the way he signed his letter as  _"Your Anonymous"._

I reach for my pen and paper and beam as I start writing.

_**Dear anonymous, You truly have taken by breath away.** _

_**The rose is beautiful, but I'm sure that it doesn't even compare to the beauty you hold inside your heart.** _

_**And the letter...I don't even have words for the letter...** _

_**I thank you for believing that I'm worth all this effort. I hope that one day, I'll be able to thank you properly for everything you have brought to my life. To some people, these might only be lettres, but to me, they mean so much more. They make me feel like I truly exist, that I'm no invisible to the world as I often found myself believing I was, even if I am to only one person. What I'm trying to say is that I am glad that this person is you.** _

_**I don't have much time, but I do want you to know that I'm thinking bout what you said, and your quote. So today, I'm quoting you right back.** _

_**"If I shall die before the day ends, I wish to die knowing that my anonymous knows how happy he makes me feel"** _

_**I so copied that off of you. I hope that's alright. I have a hard time with words when it comes to the matters of the heart.** _

_**So, you've been watching me? You're very sneaky cause I have no idea who you are. I thinks that it would only be fair if you would describe yourself to me in words, so I can at least picture you in my mind when I lay in bed at night thinking about you.** _

_**I hope to hear from you very soon.** _

_**"When during sad times an angel should come to you, open your eyes and see who that angel is, for that is your one true love."** _

_**Your Angel, Castiel J. Novak.** _

_**P.S. I'm holding you to that promise.** _

* * *

I place the letter inside a white envelope and dropped it off in the mailing basket, because who ever anonymous was, he somehow managed to get my letters this way. I hurried out because I had a meeting to get to and I didn't wanna be late. I scrambled up my presentation documents and headed towards the door when I heard a soft knock.

 ** _"Yes"_** , I said as I opened the door,  ** _"What do you want?"_** , I asked almost sounding angry when I saw who it was. It was none other than Dean Winchester.  Argh!

_**"I - I just wanted to see, if maybe..."** _

_**"Look, I'm in a hurry and I don't have time for small talk. If you're looking for the proposal I'll have it to you by the end of the day, Now, if you excuse, I have a meeting to attend."** _

He didn't respond. He almost looked hurt by my words. Great this is just what I need right now!

_**"I'm sorry for being such a dick. I'm just in a hurry that's all."** _

_**"Never mind, it's fine"**_ , he said with a slight pause, _ **"Just enjoy your meeting.**_ "

 _ **"Thanks"**_ , was all I said as I walked out the door and headed towards the board room.

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	3. Chapter 3

**(Castiel's POV)**

**_Dear Angel, for someone who says that they have a hard time with words that come from the heart, you literally surprise me every time I read your letters._ **

**_And I do have to agree when you say that the rose is a beautiful flower, because honestly, it is just that, My Angel. A beautiful flower._ **

**_But never could I compare the beauty of the rose to the beauty that I see every time I look into your eyes, because honestly, you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen, and I literally have to remind myself how to breath in your presence._ **

**_I am very glad that you are enjoying my letters, cause I honestly love writing them for you. Even more now that I know what these letters mean to you. I hope that you never find yourself feeling again like you don't exist in this world, because you my angel, are the single most important thing in my life._ **

**_"You do exist, even if it's only for me. In my eyes, you're the only thing I see" ~ DW_ **

**_And please, there is no need to thank me for believing you're worth it. I knew it from the first moment I saw you walking into the building, that you're worth nothing less than everything I could ever offer you._ **

**_If I could, I would offer you the world. However, even the world is not large enough to show you just how much you truly mean to me. So instead of offering you the world, I'll go with something I little more romantic and offer you my heart instead._ **

**_You deserve nothing less than that._ **

**_How I wish to hold you in my arms and show you what true loves feels like, but for now, all I can do is love you from a far._ **

**_"You are an angel and I but a mere mortal. We are worlds apart. I must love you from a distance." ~ Anonymous._ **

**_You've asked me to describe myself to you, and for that I will use only one word...Simple._ **

**_I'm a simple man with nothing more to offer than my love._ **

**_I leave you today with a quote from anonymous._ **

**_"For my eyes have been mistaken, for this to be true, an Angel so low, an Angel so bright, for it's as if God himself, has stolen two stars from the night sky, And hid them within your eyes, so one day you shall see, the beauty within, the Angel I see, but above all, you have become, the Angel of my heart..."_ **

**_Your Anonymous._ **

* * *

_**"What are you smiling about?"**_ , Gabriel asked as he walked inside my office.

 _ **"It's nothing, It's stupid really"**_ , I said, trying to hide the letter before he saw it.

 _ **"Well, what ever it is don't ever get ride of it"**_ , he said and smiled.

 _ **"What is that suppose to mean?"**_ , I asked curiously.

_**"What it means is that I've never seen you this happy in very long time."** _

_**"That's because I am happy"**_ , I said honestly without giving anything away.

_**"Good, so now that we have that covered, do you mind explaining to me what happened earlier at the meeting?"** _

I took a deep breath before speaking,  _ **"I was a total dick today."**_

 _ **"Tell me something that I don't already know?"**_ , he chuckled.

 _ **"Ha, ha! Very funny"**_ , I hissed.

_**"Alright, enough with the teasing, so tell me what happened."** _

_**"Dean..."** _

_**"Dean? Your arch nemesis Dean?"**_ , Gabriel repeated.

 _ **"Yes, that Dean. I was a total dick to him for no reason today and I think that I might have hurt his feelings"**_ , I frowned.

 ** _"Since when does that bother you? It never bothered you before"_** , he made his point.

_**"I know, but there was something about him today the looked kinda off. I didn't even give him the chance to speak before telling him to buzz off, and leave me alone."** _

_**"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I saw him earlier and he seemed alright. Great actually. He was reading something, and smiling hard. Kinda like you were doing when I walking in here. "** _

**_"Really? I mean, it's not like a care about the guy, cause I don't. But no one deserves to be treated like that. Not even him."_** , I explained.

_**"If you feel that bad about it, then why don't you just go an apologize to him?"** _

_**"Yeah, I could do that, but I'm not even sure what to say."** _

_**"Just tell him that you're sorry for being a dick head and move along."** _

_**"I'll think about it, I guess"**_ , I said and pushed it out of my head for the time being,  ** _"So, you ready to go?"_**

_**"Sure thing! Lets get out of here."** _

After getting home and going through my usual routine of showering and grabbing dinner, I pulled the letters once again out of my brief case and read them over and over and thought to myself,  _ **"How can a person that I don't even know have so much effect on me?"**_

I pulled out my pad and paper and headed to my room to write my next letter.

* * *

_**Dear Anonymous, after reading your last letter, I find myself searching for you. I've been constantly looking around me to see if I could nearly catch a glimpse of what you might look like or a sign maybe that I would know that it's you. Then I realize I know nothing about you and you know everything about me, and that scares me. The not knowing that is.** _

_**And I often find myself day dreaming about a handsome stranger walking into my office and telling me that your you, my anonymous, and that you've come to sweep me off my feet. I know this might sound stupid, crazy even, but I do believe in fairy tales and that one day, my prince charming will come for me, and whisk me away. Until that day comes, I guess I'll have to do with your love letters and your anonymity, cause I do believe, no scratch that, I know, that you are my prince, and I will wait for you no matter how long it takes, because I do believe that you are worth waiting for.** _

_**Just don't keep me waiting too long, okay? I think I miss you already...** _

_**If I had but only one wish, it would be to not be lonely anymore, cause I am lonely. Tonight, even more so. I feel alone, and scared of what's going to happen tomorrow...** _

_**"If only I was with you, I would kiss you. If only was beside you, I would embrace you tight. But since I'm far from you, I'll let the angels do it for me today ... but soon, it will be my turn." ~ Anonymous** _

_**You gave me your heart? Who does that? Well, apparently you, or course. Have you any idea how crazy that is? And I'm not saying this to make you feel bad or anything, I'm just being realistic. I'm not as perfect as you make me out to be. I found that out today when I hurt someone with my words. I'm sorry to be a burden to you, but I still can't understand why you would want to give your heart to a person that's cold, self-centered and bitter like me. I am not worthy of your heart, or your love for that matter...** _

_**I wanna deserve your love, your heart...** _

_**I wanna be your everything...** _

_**"Be careful to whom you give your heart because when you give your heart to someone, you're not only giving that person the right to love you back but also the power to hurt you."** _

_**I never wanna hurt you...** _

_**I leave you tonight with a quote by anonymous.** _

_**"I prayed for a person to love me. I must've prayed very hard, because God didn't give me a person - He has given me you."** _

_**Your Angel, Castiel J. Novak.** _

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	4. Chapter 4

**(Castiel's POV)**

I woke up this morning with a huge smile plastered all over my face. If you knew me for the person that I was, you would know that a smile does not come easy. At least that was until I totally became a hopeless romantic that is.

Gabriel picked me up with enough time to spare for me to swing by my office before our scheduled morning the board meeting we had every Thursday. It gave me enough time hurry inside and leave my letter on the corner of my desk before heading out for the rest of the day. Now, to only find a way to make it there  
and back without making myself so obvious to Gabriel.

 _ **"Hey, I need to pick something up from my office before we head on inside. Do you mind waiting here until I get back?"**_ , I asked, hoping he wouldn't question my motives for leaving.

**_"Or I could go with you? It's on our way there anyways."_ **

I mentally cursed myself, because Gabriel was right. It was on our way there. How could I be so stupid!

 _ **"Yeah, well..."**_ , I paused as I tried to think of reason to distract him from coming with me, _ **"Here's the thing. I wanted to go and apologize to Dean for being a jerk yesterday, and I really didn't want anyone around when I did"**_ , I lied. At least that should buy me a couple of minutes.

I wasn't ready to tell Gabriel about the letters just yet. I needed some time to see what come out of this before telling anyone. I didn't want anybody thinking that I was crazy or unrealistic for feeling this way about a person, with nothing but his letters to go on.

 _ **"Oh, okay"**_ , he said and looked at me suspiciously,  _ **"Even though I know you're totally lying to me right now"**_ , he smiled.

I knew he wasn't going to buy it.

 _ **"I'm not lying!"**_ , I hissed, ** _"I just...never mind. I'll be back in a few minutes"_** , I said and left Gabriel standing in the lobby before the interrogations began.

* * *

I hurried up to my office feeling excited. Even if I totally lied to Gabriel back there, it was so worth it. Cause in the end, I get everything that I've hoped for. Another letter from My Anonymous.

I walked in and placed the letter inside the yellow manila folder labeled;  _ **Angel.**_

My thoughts went back to the first letter I found. It was neatly placed inside the folder that was left on the corner of my desk with a note placed on the cover that saying;  _ **Confidential: Castiel J. Novak.**_

I smile and left the room in a hurry to meet back up with Gabriel so we can get to our meeting before we end up being late.

However, that's not what exactly happened.

As I was walking out of my office, I bumped into someone.

 _ **"Shit!"**_ , I said as I turned around and saw none other that Dean Winchester standing there with his coffee spilled all over his shirt,  _ **"I'm so sorry! I should have watched where I was going."**_

 _ **"It's okay. It's not as bad as it looks"**_ , he said as he tried wiping the warm liquid off his papers and his shirt.

 _ **"Trust me! It's bad"**_ , I said with a giggle,  ** _"I think I might have another shirt in my office. If you want, I can get it for you?"_** , I offered.

It's the least I can do for being such a dick to him yesterday.

 _ **"No, it's fine. I can manage"**_ , he said, almost in a whisper and started walking away.

 ** _"Look, I'm sorry about what happened the other day. I didn't mean to come off so cold"_** , I said before I could even stop myself. I couldn't help but wonder what the hell as gotten into me lately.

Then I thought about My Anonymous.

He slowly turned,  ** _"Why are you being so nice to me?"_** , he asked and waited for an answer.

 _ **"Maybe because I'm tired of being an ass all the time. At least that's what Gabriel says"**_ , I laughed, _ **"So, the shirt? You want it?"**_

He smiled and lifted his eyes to mine, ** _"Thanks, I would really appreciated that."_**

**_"Don't mention it!"_ **

I opened the door to my office and grabbed my extra shirt out of my bag and noticed the time, **"Fuck! I'm going to be late. I have to go, but here. Take this",** I said, handing him over the shirt, **"Just see your self out when your done, okay?"**

 _ **"Okay"**_ , he smiled,  _ **"Thank you. I'll see you get this back tomorrow."**_

 _ **"No problem"**_ , I said as I walked out.

* * *

It was only a few hours, after the hours of projections and brainstorming, that I returned to my office, only to find another letter. I couldn't wait to read it. So I grabbed the envelope and pulled the paper and took a seat on my corner sofa and read the letter.

* * *

**_Dear Angel,_ **

**_There is no need for you to be searching for me, as I am closer to you than you may think. You say I know everything about you, when the truth is, I know nothing about you, Angel. I do know that you're beauty shines within your eyes, your face, your smile..._ **

**_But your true beauty shines within your heart, and I can't wait to know everything there is to know about you._ **

**_"If a blind man can see the beauty that is within, then why is it that people with sight are too blind to see it?" ~ Anonymous_ **

**_Don't be afraid of the unknown my Angel..._ **

**_So, I am your Prince now? I had no idea you believed in fairy tales. Guess that's a good thing, because I would love nothing more than to sweep you off your feet, My Love._ **

**_I am very sorry that it's taking me so long to revel my true identity to you. I am afraid that once you know who I am, that you might not like what you see. Only because the fear of never being able to hold you in my arms, of ever kissing those beautiful lips, of ever-loving you with every fiber of my being, is stronger than the idea of you actually loving me back._ **

**_I am truly sorry for feeling this way...I just can not imagine my ever losing you._ **

**_"You are the sun in my winter sky, you are the hello in my goodbye. You are the stars shining down on me, you are everything I had hoped you would be. You are the arms wrapped around a hug, you are the pull when I need a little tug. You are the lips that feel my gentle touch, you are the one who loves me so much. You are the one who I come to for love, you are my angel sent from above. I need your love, I need you too, because I am the I in I love you." ~ Anonymous_ **

**_I am very sorry that you feel bad about hurting someone. Life is not always easy at times. Maybe try to fix what has been broken. Who know what may come out of it?_ **

**_I leave you with this quote by Anonymous._ **

**_"Time will prove my love to you and cement my place in your heart forever. For time will give me the credibility and the believability that I need to convince you to want to spend the rest of your life with me. That I am worthy of such a commitment from you."_ **

**_Pray no more, my Angel. Your prayers have been answered. I am yours until the day you want me no more._ **  
**_And even after, I'll still be yours..._ **

**_I love you, your Prince,_ **

**_Anonymous_ **

* * *

I laid my head back against the sofa and sighed,  _ **"One day my Prince..."**_

With that being said, I knew I was so done for...I was falling in love with My Anonymous.

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	5. Chapter 5

**(Castiel's POV)**

_**"I can't believe I'm about to do this"**_ , I said to myself as I took a seat at my desk and started writing.

_**Dear Anonymous,** _

_**I can't even begin to explain what your last letter has done to me. My heart beats rapidly by just thinking of what I am about to say to you in this letter. I also want you to know, that I have put a lot of thought into this before writing these words to you. Only because this is the first time I say these words to a person.** _

_**So here goes before I lose my nerve to do so.** _

_**My Anonymous, I am falling in love with you...** _

_**There, I said it! How crazy is that? I have fallen in love with the person behind the letters.** _

_**You told me no to be afraid of the unknown, however I have never been so scared in my whole entire life. And that is just putting it mildly.** _

_**I can't even begin to explain why I'm feeling this way. I am almost afraid of what people might think if they ever find out about us and they way I fell in love with you. I say if, only because I can't even imagine myself without you or your letters anymore. It's all I can think about.** _

_**You are all I think about...** _

_**"Just when I thought that love could never be a part of me, that's when you came along and showed me happiness!" ~ Anonymous.** _

_**You wanna know something else? I have never thought about anything other than myself for the last few years. It's probably one of the reasons why people are scared to even come withing a short distance of me. I guess I can't really blame them though. I never really made an effort on changing that, Well...** _   
_**That was until I got your first letter and you made me wanna be a better person. A person that deserves you love and your kind words.** _

_**Some people believe that all things happen for a reason and if things are meant to be, they will happen. However not all things are as simple as they may seem. I believe that if you want something to happen, then you have to make them happen, and that's why I am going to go out on the limb here and asked you this question.** _

_**Meet with me? Just once. Please... Let me see the real person behind the love letters that I have fallen hopelessly in love with.** _

_**Whatever you decide is fine. I will understand if you are not ready to show yourself to me, just know that I am not going anywhere. But just think about how things could be if you decided to finally show me who you are. We could be happy, together.** _

_**I would finally know how it feels to hold you in my arms...** _

_**I would finally know what it's like to kiss your lips...** _

_**I would finally know what it's like to feel your love...** _

_**Think about it...** _

_**It's all I ask of you.** _

_**"I would rather do something and find out that it was the wrong thing, than never know if it was the right thing." ~ Anonymous.** _

_**Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you, I love you too...** _

_**Your Angel,** _

_**Castiel J. Novak** _

* * *

Just as I finished up my letter and placed it in an envelope, someone knocked at my door.

 _ **"Come in, it's opened"**_ , I said as I hurried to place the letter inside my folder.

I lifted my eyes to see who it was, _ **"Oh, hey Dean. What brings you by this after noon?"**_

 _ **"Uh, hello"**_ , his voice trembled,  _ **"I...I just wanted to return this to you"**_ , he said as he handed my shirt over to me, accidentally brushing his hand against mine, when I noticed his hands were shaking furiously.

_**"Thank you, but seriously, there was no rush."** _

_**"I know, I...I just wanted to give it back to you as soon as possible"**_ , he explained and I noticed is face looked a little flushed.

I could help but wonder if he was feeling alright.

 _ **"Hey, you okay, buddy? You look a little pale just know"**_ , I said as I walk out from behind my desk and headed towards him,  _ **"Here, take a seat. Let me get you some water"**_ , I offered as I led him over to the sofa so he could rest a few minutes.

 _ **"You don't have to, I'll be fine, really!"**_ , he said as if I was trying to find a reason to leave.

 ** _"Yeah, says a man who looks like he's about to pass out. I'll be right back"_** , I left before he even had the chance to object.

I walked out of the office and grabbed him a glass of water from the serving kart outside the office and return almost immediately,  ** _"Here, drink this"_** , I said as I passed over the glass over to him.

 _ **"Thanks, but you didn't really need to, I'm just a little light-headed, that's all"**_ , he smiled and took a drink from the glass.

 ** _"Have you eaten at all today?"_** , I asked in concern. Buy why? His well being never bothered me before? What changed?

 _ **"No"**_ , he answered shyly, ** _"I was going to grab something later this afternoon. I should go now before the cafeteria closes."_**

He got up and placed the glass on the corner of my desk and headed towards the door,  ** _"Thanks for the water and for the shirt."_**

_**"You're welcome. Listen, I was wording if you're free later today, that maybe we could, I don't know, work on the p..."** _

But before I could finish asking him if he wanted to work on the final proposal this evening, Gabriel walked in an interrupter our conversation. Great timing!

 _ **"Hey Novak. What's up?"**_ , Gabriel asked as he made his way over to the sofa and threw himself on it.

_**"Nothing, I was just...Never mind. Dean was just leaving."** _

_**"Yeah, I was just leaving. Thanks again, Mr. Novak. I'll see you around"**_ , Dean said looking disappointed. He smiled at me, turned around and walked out the door.

 _ **"What the hell was that all about?"**_ , Gabriel asked,  ** _"Thanks again, Mr. Novak."_**  Gabriel teased.

I found myself scrambling for words trying to explain myself to Gabriel. Because honest to god, I really had no idea what this was all about.

 _ **"Dean just came by to drop off my shit"**_ , I explained without making a big deal out of it.

 _ **"Your shirt? Is there something you forgot to tell me?"**_ , Gabriel said and wiggles his eye brows, looking rather amused by what he's just witnessed.

 ** _"It's not like that. I accidentally bumped into him this morning and spilled his coffee all over his shirt. I offered him the spare I had in my bag. That's all it was. Nothing more"_** , I said, hoping Gabriel would let it go.

_**"Since when did you become such a caring person?"** _

_**"Since, I decided to stop being friends with you. No offense"**_ , I joked.

 ** _"None taken!"_** , Gabriel laughed,  ** _"So, are you hitching a ride with me after work?"_**

**_"No, I'm actually gonna stay here and work on the proposal. It's due on Monday and I would rather no work on it all week-end. I'll just grab a cab when I'm done."_ **

_**"Suite yourself"**_ , Gabriel said as he got up off the couch,  _ **"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning. Don't work to hard now Mr. Novak"**_ , he chuckled and left my office.

_**"Jerk!"** _

* * *

It was already six thirty, and most of the office workers were gone home for the rest of the evening. It was getting a little late and I was actually starting to get a little hungry. So I decided to go down stairs to pick up a few things from the vending machine.

When I returned, I noticed a small package was left on the corner of my desk with a letter attached to it. It was addressed to;  _ **Castiel J. Novak.**_

I quickly locked the door on my way in and scrambled to open the package. I smiled with anticipation that this little package was from my Anonymous.

And it was.

Inside the package was a folded black blindfold, _ **"What the..."**_ , I said to myself as I brushed my fingers momentarily over the silky material.

I pushed it aside for the time being and opened up the letter.

* * *

**_Dear Angel,_ **

**_I start this letter off with a quote from Anonymous._ **

**_"If it is meant to be, our hearts will find each other when we meet. And if our hearts melt together so will our bodies and souls. Then every word and every touch will fuel our passion flame. I will be yours, you will be mine, and we will be one." ~ Anonymous._ **

**_With that said my Angel, you win. As I cannot deny you your single wish._ **

**_I Will agree to meet with you, but only under one simple condition._ **

**_You must promise me that you will do exactly as I say._ **

**_Follow the staircase that leads you to the stars, it will lead you to exactly where my heart will be waiting for you._ **

**_When you get there, blind yourself from the light, for there your prince will be waiting for you impatiently in the night._ **

**_Seven o'clock, don't keep me waiting..._ **

**_Love always,_ **

**_Your Anonymous_ **

* * *

After reading my letter, I quickly looked down at me watch and realized it was already six forty-five and with hardly no time to spare. I grabbed my jacket off the chair when I realized that I had no idea where I was suppose to go. I reached for the letter and read it over and over until it finally occurred to me what he meant by the staircase to the stars,  _ **"That's it! The rooftop"**_ , I smiled and grabbed the blindfold off the desk and practically ran all the way there.

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	6. Chapter 6

**(Castiel's POV)**

I ran as fast as I could until I reached the stair case that led up to the roof. I panted heavily as I took a seat on the ground, desperately trying to catch my breath before stepping outside into the night. I guess it's to be expected after running up nine full flights of stairs in less than a minute. I had chosen the stairs because there was no way in hell I was going to stuck in an elevator. How romantic would that be, right?

**_"Not tonight. Not going to happen"_** , I thought to myself as I looked down at my watch and saw that seven o'clock was quickly approaching,  _ **"Six fifty-five"**_ , I whispered softly as I lifted myself off the ground and walked up the last few step that brought me to my destination.

The stair case to the stars...

With only five minutes to spare, I reached inside my pocket and pulled out the blind fold that My Anonymous left me in the small package. I smiled hard, because I couldn't believe this was actually happening. Today was the day that I was finally going to meet my prince.

With on hand on the door knob and the other hand, holding the blind fold, I took a deep breath and step outside. I took in my surroundings and noticed that the only thing that lite up the roof top was the moon from above and the stars in the sky. If someone would have told me that this is what heaven looked like, honest to god I would have believed them without second guessing myself.

It was just so beautiful...

I checked my watch again and saw that I only had a few seconds left before my prince was to be expected. My hands trembled as I took the blindfold and placed it over my eyes and securely tied it in the back of my head and placed both my hands on each side of my body. So I waited...counting down the last few seconds until he arrived.

_**"Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two..."**_ , And suddenly, I heard the door slam behind and I knew that I was no longer alone. He was here. My prince...

My heart thundered rapidly inside my chest as I heard foot steps heading in my direction. I swallowed hard and tried to keep my breathing calm so he wouldn't notice how nervous I actually was to meet him.

I could feel the presence of my prince approaching me. It was a weird sensation to be aware that someone was nearby even though you can't see them.

Soon enough, the footsteps stopped and I could feel the heat coming from my prince as he leaned in closer to my ear. His breath tickled my ear as he spoke,  _ **"Nothing is better than when you first see an angel - your angel - and knowing they love you back"**_ , he took a step closer and lifted his hand up to my face and ran his fingers gently over the side of my cheek,  _ **"God, you're even more beautiful up close"**_ , he whispered softly.

His words sent a shiver up and down my spine as each words rolled off his lips.

I slowly placed my hand over his, pushing my cheek slightly down in the palm of his hand before speaking,  ** _"I truly believe the personality and the soul is what makes a person beautiful, it does not always have to be the physical appearance."_**

_**"True"**_ , he added with a giggle,  _ **"However, if I were blind, within my heart I could still see the beauty that is you. 'Cause beauty is not seen through the eyes, rather the heart."**_

_**"Well in that case, If a blind man can see the beauty that is within, then why is it that people with sight are too blind to see it?"**_ , I inquired and waited for him to answer me.

_**"My Angel...It is not as simple as it sounds"**_ , he acknowledged and pulled his hand away from my face,  ** _"You say this now but..."_**

_**"But what? Please help me understand why it's so hard for you to tell me who you are?"**_ , I asked as I took a step forward and reached out and grabbed his arm and pulled him flat up against my body,  ** _"Tell me what you're so afraid of? Are you scared that I won't like what I see?"_**

_**"It's complicated"**_ , he sadly admitted.

**_"Then uncomplicated them"_** , I insisted,  _ **"Please. I can't live another day not knowing who you are. I love you and nothing is ever going to change the way I feel about you. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you."**_

_**"How can you be so sure?"**_ , he asked,  ** _"What if I am the last person you ever expected to fall in love with. What happens when you realize that you don't love me for the person I am on the inside?"_**

I took a breath and lifted my hands up and cupped both sides of his face,  ** _"They say never to judge a book by its cover. It's what's inside the cover that counts. I would never judge you for who you are for the way you look. I fell in love without even knowing who you really are or what you look like. That should count for something, right?"_**

I could feel him shaking underneath my hold,  ** _"Why do you always have to be so perfect?"_** , he asked and I swear I could hear his heart beating rapidly through his chest, ** _"You make it very hard for me to say no to you."_**

**_"Say yes then."_ **

**_"You are very persistent, my Angel"_** , he murmured softly.

**_"Only because I know what I want"_** , stating the obvious,  _ **"Call, me vein, but you are what I want. So, please...Let's not deny ourselves of what our hearts truly desire."**_

_**"I am very sorry, my Angel. But my fear of losing you is strong than my fear of you accepting me for who I am"**_ , he explained as he slowly pulled my hands away from his face,  ** _"I must go"_** , he sighed deeply and started to leave.

_**"No! Wait! You can't leave me"**_ , I said loudly. It almost sounded like begging,  _ **"I just got you and already you are running away for me."**_

_**"I am not running"**_ , he paused, _ **"I am simply making things easier for you."**_

_**"How can you be making things easier for me by leaving me here alone without you?"**_ , I sobbed into the blind fold, ** _"You told me not to be afraid of the unknown, then why not see where this may lead?"_**

**_"How I wish I had your strength. You are afraid of nothing, my Angel."_ **

**_"Me?, I'm scared of everything, I'm scared of who I am, of what I'm feeling right now. But most of all, I am scared of walking back inside that building and never feeling for the rest of my life, the way I that feel when I'm with you."_ **

**_"Do not waste your tears on me, my Angel"_** , he whispered and I could feel his arms wrapping themselves around my waist,  ** _"A man is never worth your tears. And the one who is, won't make you cry."_**

_**"If that's the case, then I would rather shed my tears forever, than not having you."** _

**_"Oh, Angel..."_** , he said as he pressed his forehead against mine,  ** _"You have me..."_** , he breathed out.

_**"No, I have only part of you"**_ , I explained, taking a deep breath before I continued,  _ **"Now, I...I want all of you."**_

He hesitated,  ** _"I'm sorry, my Angel. All I can offer you right now is part of me. Asked you to respect my only condition."_**

_**"I do respect your condition. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to not pull off this blindfold? Do you? It's taking everything that I have inside me not to."** _

_**"I do...I just...I must go..."**_ , he scrambled for words as he pulled himself out of my arms,  ** _"Just know that I love you, my beautiful Angel. No matter what..."_**

Suddenly, I felt his breath against my lips, as the gap slowly closed between us and our lips met for the first time. The feeling of his lips pressed up against mine was more than I ever imagined it could possibly be.

It was perfect.

I moaned at the lost of his lips as he slowly pulled away. I could hear him breathing deeply,  _ **"Nothing is more beautiful right now, than you wearing only the moonlight and my kisses"**_ , he quoted.

_**"In that case"**_ , I slowly started and leaned in closer towards him,  ** _"You should kiss me so I can remember what if feels like to be wearing your kisses underneath the moonlight."_**

And so he did...

He reached out and slowly wrapped his arms around me before pressing his lips on to mine once again. At first it was slow, gentle, like he was almost afraid that he would hurt me, but as soon as I began kissing him back, he responded by pulling me even closer, and kissed me with so much passion that I nearly blanked out. I felt his tongue run across my bottom lip begging for permission to enter. I opened my mouth slightly to let our tongues slowly explore each other. Both equally lost into each others kiss, he ran his fingers through my hair and accidentally pulled off the blindfold from my eyes. Before I realized what had happened, I heard his plea for forgiveness,  ** _"I'm so sorry my Angel"_** , he said before pulling away from me completely. My eyes were still closed and the last thing I heard was the sound of his foot steps running away and the sound of a door slamming hard.

I opened my eyes, only to find myself once again, alone...

Standing on the rooftop beneath the stars...

Without my prince...

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	7. Chapter 7

**(Castiel's POV)**

I left the roof top and make my way back down to my office, I can't help but wonder if all this was just a dream. I brush my fingers over my lips momentarily, still feeling the tingle of his lips on mine, when I realize that this wasn't just a dream, that this was actually all very much real.

We kissed...

And to describe the kiss in one word; Magical...

And yet I find myself standing here and the roof top, alone, and without my prince,  **"Fuck you fairy tales!",** I said angrily as I walk out and headed back to my office, now feeling more confused that ever.

I shook my head as I walked through the hallway leading to my office, trying to forget about everything that just happened when I heard what I thought was someone crying. I looked around but I didn't see anyone around. Everyone was probably already gone for the day with the exception of a few executives that thrive on working late hours to get the job done on time, or the few, like myself, that have nothing better waiting at home for them than a lonely apartment and a few bottles of hard liquor to drown themselves in their own misery while reading love letters written to them by an anonymous person who's to fucking scared to show their face to you cause they're afraid you wont feel the same way once you know who they are. Pathetic right?

I sighed deeply and made nothing of it and just kept on walking.

As I got closer to my office, I head the cries again. Once again, I stopped and started looking around again. I hesitantly took a few more steps and the sounds of person crying became louder. I notice there was a dime light in the office, just a few doors down from where my office was is located, and it appeared that the sounds where coming from right behind the door.

 ** _"That's Weird. That's Dean's office"_** , I said to myself as I came to a complete stopped in the middle of the hallway.

I stood there contemplation wether or not if I should go check it out or just simply just let it go. When suddenly, I found myself walking towards the sound and ended up in front of Dean's door.

I noticed there was a small crack left opened in the door. I leaned in far enough so that I could take a peek at what was going on behind the half closed-door, being extremely careful not to make a sound and keeping myself known.

What I saw was little disturbing. Dean was slouched over his desk with his forehead resting in the palms of his hands.

Crying...? Why would he even be crying? He's the freaking head of Project developments!

I kept debating whether or not I should go see if he's alright. I took a step back and decided that maybe it would be best if I just left this alone. This was none of my business and that he probably didn't even want me butting my nose into his personal affairs anyway. Why should I even care for the matter, it's not like we're friends of anything? So what if I lend him a shirt? That doesn't mean we're best buddy's or anything, right? Then why did I feel the need to make sure he was okay?

 ** _"Snap out of it. It's just your mind playing games on you"_** , I tried to convince myself to just let it go and forget all about it. It was probably nothing anyways.

As I was about to turn around walk away, I heard it again, the soft voice sobbing form the other side of the door.

Going against my better judgement, I leaned in closer to see if I could make out what he was saying. It sounded something like,  _ **"I'm so stupid...Why did I ever agree to this...Why?"**_

 ** _"What the hell was he talking about?"_** , I thought to myself and continued to listen in on Dean.

I couldn't hear nothing much after that, beside a few more sobs and sniffles.

A noise erupted from one of the back rooms, when it occurred to me what the hell I was doing. I pulled away quickly before someone caught me spying on co-worker and filed a complaint. Now how good would that look on a résumé? Castiel J. Novak, grade A peeping tom at your service!

Then I realized how wrong it was to eves drop on someone personal conversations without them knowing.

 ** _"What the fuck is wrong with me?"_** , I mumbled softly and tried to pull myself together. It was only a matter of time before someone walked by and asked me what the hell I was doing with my ear against someone's door? How would I explain that to them?  ** _"Oh, hey! I tripped and suddenly, my ear fell against the door of Dean's office."_**   Like that would actually work.

As bad as I felt for what I had just done, something inside of me kept pulling me towards making sure he was alright.

Without thinking things through properly, I softly knocked on the door and waited for him to answer.

It took a few minutes for him to answer. But eventually, he did.

 ** _"Can I help you?"_** , he asked bluntly.

I could see that for a fact, he really had been crying. His eyes red eyes and stuffy nose gave it way.

 _ **"Uh, I..I was just walking by and saw your office light was on, and uh, I..."**_ , I paused for a second to think about what I was going to say next, because I didn't want to sound like I was sneaking up on him,  _ **"I...I just wanted to know if you were okay? that's all."**_

 _ **"Why would I not be okay?"**_ , he asked and pretended like everything was fine.

 _ **"It's just...I thought I heard someone...You know what? Never mind, it's probably just my imagination anyways. I'll just go back to my office and mind my own business"**_ , I said and started to leave.

 _ **"Wait!"**_ , he muttered,  _ **"It's just...I'm just having a bad day, okay?"**_ , he said and lowered his eyes to the ground as if he was hiding them from me.

 _ **"Yeah, I can see that. Wanna talk about it?"**_ , I offered,  ** _"We could grab a cup of coffee?"_**

 ** _"What? Why?"_** , he asked and look at me rather confused by my offer.

_**"I don't know, maybe because sometimes it's good to talk about things. You know? To get them out in the open."** _

_**"That's not what I mean. What I mean is why are you being nice to me? I was under the impression that you hated me."** _

When I hear him say those words to me it got me thinking about something my anonymous asked earlier,  _"What if I am the last person you ever expected to fall in love with? What happens when you realize that you don't love me for the person I am on the inside?"_

It somehow got me thinking that maybe my anonymous was right after all. That maybe I'm to blind to see the real person on the inside of the book. That's probably the reason why my anonymous doesn't wanna tell he who he is. Can you even blame him for being scared? If that's the case, then I probably don't deserve my anonymous' love, or Dean's friendship for that matter. Why should Dean even consider being friends with me after the way that I've treated him over the last few months?

 _ **"Yeah, sorry about that"**_ , I shyly admitted, ** _"I know that I can be a real dick at times."_**

He smiled briefly,  ** _"Yeah, I've noticed",_** he said and looked up at me straight in the eyes,  ** _"Most of the time"_**

 ** _"Wow, cocky much?"_** , I giggled.

 ** _"Sometimes"_** , he winked.

Did he just fucking wink at me? okay, play it cool Novak, _**"Look, I just wanna tell you that I'm sorry for being a royal dick to you, and I would really like to start over it that even possible"**_. I said and waited for his response.

 ** _"Well, let me think about it"_** , he smiled and reached out his hand,  _ **"Hi! I'm Dean Winchester. It's nice to meet you."**_

_**"Hi! I'm Cas...Castiel James Novak, royal dick at your service. But only my friends get to call me Cas."** _

**_"What? A dick?"_** , he asked and laughed.

 ** _"No, Cas. Call me Cas",_** I insisted.

**_"So does that make us friends now?"_ **

I smiled _, **"Well now, that depends...",**_ I paused, which Dean found that rather amusing. ** _  
_**

_**"On what?"**_ , he asked.

**_"Well it depends on rather you wanna be friends with me or not."_ **

_**"Are you still going to be a dick to me?"**_ , he questioned.

 _ **"No"**_ , I answered.

**_"Well I guess we're friends then."_ **

_**"So, now that have the friend thing sorted out and that we've established how much of a dick I can be, How about we grab that cup of coffee I mentioned earlier? Maybe I could also run a few things about the proposal by you while we're at it?"** _

_**"If the offer still stands?"**_ , he questioned with a shy smile, I don't see why we couldn't be civil to each other,  ** _"I would like that very much."_**

_**"Just let me make a quick run over to my office and grab my things, and I can meet you out front in about five minutes?"** _

**_"Sounds like a plan, Cas."_ **

**_To Be Continued...OXO_ **


	8. Chapter 8

**(Dean's POV)**

**_"Oh my God! What the hell am I doing?"_** , I asked myself as I fumbled around my office desperately trying to think of a way to get out of having coffee with Castiel.

It's not that I didn't wanna go out with him for coffee or anything, because I did. I really, really wanted to go out for coffee with him, but...,  _ **"I can't...I shouldn't...This is wrong...So wrong...Fuck!"**_ , I kept repeating over and over to myself until I was almost convinced that this was a very bad decision to make on my behalf. It was wrong for me in so many ways for me to accept this offer.

For starters, I was lying to the poor guy about everything. About who I was and what my intentions where towards him,  ** _"This isn't going to work you moron! Not in a million years!"_** , I cursed myself as I banged my head against the door repeatedly,  _ **"STUPID!, STUPID!, STUPID!"**_

Why would I ever agree to going out for coffee with Castiel? How stupid can one possibly be?

 _ **"How in the hell is this gonna work if I can't even look at him"**_ , I asked myself as I thought about everything that could go wrong tonight if I decided to actually go through with this. I could barely even look at him with while keeping a straight face. Cause I swear that each time he looked at me with his gorgeous blue eyes of his, that he could see the word  _"guilty"_  plastered all over my face, and that's not even the worst of it.

The worst part of all of this was the fact that so deeply and hopelessly in love with him and that I was too much of a coward to do anything about it.

I took a few long breaths to try to and calm myself down. The last thing I needed was for Castiel to walk in on me having a total meltdown, which was exactly what was happening at the moment. I pushed myself away from the door and run my fingers through my hair a few times,  ** _"Okay Dean, you can do this!"_** , I tried encouraging myself,  _ **"Maybe it's not as bad as it seems. So what if you're Castiel's anonymous and that you're totally in love with him? It's not like he knows it's you, and What he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?"**_

But I knew...

I knew and I've never felt so guilty before in my entire life,  _ **"Fuck!"**_ , I cursed again as I paced the floor of my office as if I was running a marathon,  ** _"Just keep it cool and everything's gonna be fine! You can do this! It's not like it's a date or anything. This is just two friends having coffee. What else could go wrong?"_**

Try like maybe everything!

I thought about it for a second when something popped into my mind, that maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all and that I could totally use this at my advantage. This could be my chance of becoming friends with him. This would also give him the chance to get to know me for who I really was. And who know what cam happen with a little time? Maybe there's a slight chance that eventually, he would fall in love with me and forget about his anonymous. Then I wouldn't have any reasons to fear about him ever finding out about my anonymity behind the love letters, **"That's it! I could write him a letter saying that I don't love him and that I was wrong to write him those letters...Then, he could fall in love with me, and..."**

There's no harm in a little wishful thinking is there? Right?

So I thought...

 _ **"...This is never going to work"**_ , I sadly admitted to myself,  ** _"He's never going to love me for who I am. I'm a stupid pathetic excuse for a human being that's to damn afraid to tell the man that he's in love with who he really is..."_**

The guy most likely hates me and he's probably just doing this out of the kindness of his heart because he feels sorry for me. There's no way in hell that a guy like him that's beautiful, smart, and kind would ever wall in love with a guy like me, a total liar and fake.

 ** _"I'm so fucked!"_** , I whispered to myself when I realized that it was only a matter of time before this all came crashing down on me. I looked at my watch and noticed that I've already been freaking out for over ten minutes and that Castiel's probably already down stairs waiting for me. So I hurried and grabbed my jacket and headed out the door before I changed my mind and run the other way.

* * *

**(Castiel's POV)**

_**"What the fuck was that?"**_ , I asked myself as I ran into my office and closed the door, locking it shut.

I stood there with my back pressed up against the door panting,  _ **"What the hell is wrong with me?"**_

If I didn't know any better, I would think that I was losing my fucking mind! Which is probably the truth I might add. Kissing random strangers on the roof top without even knowing who they who he was, sneaking around the hallway and listening in on Dean's personal conversations, even if he was talking to himself, should be the first sign that you're losing your fucking mind.

But asking the person that you thought you hated the most in this world out for coffee, that is without a doubt confirmation that you've totally flown the cuckoo's nest.

_**"Okay, Novak, get your shit together! It's just coffee. It's not like this is a date or anything?"** _

And then I asked myself this simple question. If this wasn't a date, and this was just a simple coffee invitation between two grown men, then why are my palms suddenly all sweaty and why do I have a shit load of butterflies in my stomach?

_**"No, this isn't date!"** _

I leaned forward and pulled myself off the door and walked over to my desk and sat down for a minute. I pulled up the black blindfold from my pocket and placed it on the desk next to the folder that contained my love letters from anonymous, contemplating whether or not I should go through with having coffee with Dean.

I started thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't go out for coffee with Dean. The first thing that came to mind was my complicated relationship I had with anonymous. If you can even called it a relationship for that matter. Somehow, it would feel like I would be cheating on him to a certain degree if I decided to go through with this.

But why?

It's not like anonymous and I we're official or anything. He says that he loves me and yet he's not even able to tell me who he is. Then there's Dean who's nice and actually here wanting to go for coffee with me, _ **"Why do this have to happen now!"**_ , I screamed and buried my head in hands,  ** _"What if all of this is nothing more than just a fairy tale fantasy?"_**

I rubbed my hands over my hands over my face a few times in frustration and realized something,  ** _"What if he's never going to be able to tell me who he is?"_** , I questioned, ** _"What if I'm missing out on an opportunity for something real because of my infatuation with this anonymous person. Am I so blinded by the love letters and the sweet gestures to actually see what's been standing right there in front of me this whole entire time?"_**

I shook my head in frustration,  ** _"This isn't making things any easier for me"_** , I admitted as I open up the folder which contained the letters and picked up one of the letter and read it over.

As much as I wanted to be angry with my anonymous for not telling me who he was, and for running away from me earlier on the rooftop, I couldn't.

I was in love with the guy behind the letters and I wanted nothing more that to be with him,  ** _"Now, if I could only get you to understand all of this, then I would be all set"_** , I softly stated and I took the letter and placed it back in the folder on my desk and pushed it aside.

I knew I had to give it one last chance before giving up on him completely. I owed myself that much to at least try to make him change his mind.

I sighed deeply when I thought about the events the unfolded earlier tonight and asked myself,  ** _"When did my life become so fucking complicated?"_**

And from out of no where, my thoughts drifted to Dean...

It's not that I didn't like Dean. He's seemed like a very nice guy and all. He's smart, he's funny, he attractive. Aright, he's very attractive, but that's not all there is to like about him. He's also very well-educated, he graduated top of his class, he's a Winchester, he's...

Real...

Then suddenly, it hit me like a slap across the face.

He's everything that I've even wanted in a man.

And that scares me to death.

I reached for my coat with shaking hands and left my office to go wait for Dean in the lobby.

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	9. Chapter 9

**(Dean's POV)**

As I slowly strutted towards the elevator, I though about whether or not I should just come out and tell him the truth about everything. For one, it would make things a lot simpler between us and I wouldn't have to sit there and lie to him all evening about my identity and who I really was.

_**"If I only knew for sure that his feelings for me were genuine and true"**_ , I said to myself as I pushed the elevator button going down to the main floor,  ** _"Then it would be easy for me to just tell him about everything. About the letters, about my feelings for him..."_**

I thought about what's the worst thing that could happen if I told him the truth? He could be angry with me. But it's to be expected after being lied to for over a week. And with time, he could eventually forgive me and maybe there would still be a chance that we could make this work.

We could be happy together.

Then I thought about what if he doesn't forgive me for lying to him. Then I would lose him completely, as his friend, as he anonymous, forever...

I stood quietly in the elevator questioning my decision whether or not I should stay anonymous.

I was almost convinced when thought about all the letters we wrote to each other this past week, and how my feelings for him have changed drastically in only a matter of days. One simple letter was all it took for me to realize that this man was everything that I've ever wanted and that I was now falling deeply and hopelessly in love with him.

Overwhelmed with guilt, I sighed deeply and stepped out of the elevator and headed towards the lobby.

And there he was, standing there, looking as handsome and as beautiful as ever, my angel, slowly pacing the floor as he waited for me.

And that when I knew what my decision had to be.

I had to remain anonymous, cause there was no way in hell that I was going to let my guilt screw this up for me over a simple cup of coffee.

**_"Alright, here goes nothing..."_** , I whispered to myself and I walked towards him.

* * *

**(Castiel's POV)**

_**"Okay, I still have a little time before he gets here"**_ , I said to myself as I nervously rubbed my hands over my face and watched towards the elevator for Dean to arrive.

My mind kept debating whether or not I should make it clear to Dean that this is nothing more than two friends enjoying a cup of coffee together,  _ **"Yeah, that's it"**_ , I muttered softly as I shook my head in agreement, _ **"Just tell him that you wanna be friends and nothing more. It's as simple as that!"**_

However, simple wasn't the case at all.

Dean was an extremely attractive man.

A man who from what I understood was single, willing, and totally available. And I would be lying if I'd say that I wasn't attracted to him, because well...the truth was... I was very attracted to Dean.

Who wouldn't be attracted to those dark emerald-green eyes that sparkled like diamonds. Even in bad lighting supplied by our offices, there was no chance of stopping that twinkle.

I smiled when I remembered the first time that I truly looked into his eyes. It was in a meeting a few months back. I was discussion the marketing campaign for our upcoming spring line to the board, when Dean gave a quick glanced in my direction. I took one look into those eyes emerald-green eyes and found myself lost for words. Luckily for me, Gabriel was there to steer me in the right direction. Thank God for my wingman and best friend.

That's when I told myself that I would never look at Dean's eyes ever again. Well, that was until today...

And then there was Dean's perfect light brown hair that stood up in every direction, in which I liked to refer to as  _"sex hair"_. He looked like he had just rolled out of bed for crying out loud, yet it was probably the sexiest thing that I've ever seen.

I often found myself wondering what it would be like to run my fingers through those thick, luscious locks,  ** _"Bet it would be so soft, so..."_**

I found myself licking my lips, just thinking about Dean and his amazing features. I was quickly pulled out of my fantasy by the sound of the elevator, signaling that someone was just about to step out of it. I shuffled nervously.

_**"Oh my God! What the hell are you doing, Novak! Pull yourself together!"**_ , I cursed myself as I looked over towards the elevator and saw Dean walking in my direction.

My heart started racing rapidly and before I knew it, Dean was standing right in front of me with his gorgeous emerald-green eyes beaming, and to make things ever worst, the sex hair was included in there for free.

_**"Hey, you ready to go?"**_ , he asked in all confidence.

And once again, there I was, completely lost for words, standing there like an idiot in front of him,  ** _"I...Uh..."_**

* * *

**(Dean's POV)**

I stepped off of the elevator and headed directly towards Castiel. I kept my head held high and my hands in my buried deep inside my coat pockets so he wouldn't notice how shaky my hands actually were. I was extremely nervous about going out for coffee with him. Even if it was  _"Just as friends"_ , I still wanted to make a first good impression.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down before speaking,  _ **"Hey! You ready to go?"**_ , I asked, feeling confident with myself, and waited for him to say something back in return.

_**"I...Uh..."**_ , he muttered out and then paused. Those were the only words that I understood that came out of his mouth.

If I could tell any better, I would have guess that Castiel was just about nervous as I was about this. But he couldn't be. After all, this is Castiel Novak we're talking about. He would never be nervous about going out for coffee now would he?

_**"You alright?"**_ , I asked, without sounding too concerned.

The last thing I wanted was for him to thinking that I was worried about him changing his mind about tonight. Then something occurred to me as I waited for him to speak. Maybe he wasn't nervous at all. What if he's just trying to find a way out of this awkward rendezvous. Oh god! What if that's it?

**_"Uh..I...I'm fine"_** , he answered,  _ **"I'm sorry...I..."**_

Hearing say the words  ** _"sorry"_** come our of his mouth, was a confirmation enough for me to conclude that he indeed, he was trying to find a way to back out of tonight.

What the hell was I thinking that a guy like Castiel Novak would ever be interested in a guy like me?

So, I decided to make things easier for him and to spare myself of the embarrassment of being rejected.

**_"Look, Cas"_** , I stammered, cutting him off completely before he had a chance to finish what he was saying,  ** _"If you don't wanna go out for coffee...It's fine. You don't have to pretend to be nice to me in order to make feel better. I already feel like shit enough as it is today, so please don't make this any harder on both of us."_**

My heart sank just enough to make me feel sick after saying those words to him. However, that wasn't the case for Castiel. He just stood there and started laughing, which I thought was rather odd and insulting.

_**"What's so funny?"**_ , I asked, almost in anger, because at the time, I didn't find anything funny about this situation at all whatsoever.

_**"Nothing"**_ , he chuckled and smiled,  ** _"it's just...You!"_** , he laughed harder.

_**"Me? What's so funny about me giving you the opportunity to turn the other way and run?"**_ , I snapped, still not getting the clear picture of why he found this so amusing,  ** _"I am not funny!"_**

Finally after being able containing his laughter, Castiel smiled and looked straight at me,  ** _"Yeah you are."_**

**_"I'm sorry, but I don't get why you think me making a fool in front of you is so funny? Care to explain that?"_** , I asked in my defense.

_**"Well for starters, you didn't even give me a proper chance to finish what I was about to say to you before jumping to the conclusion that I didn't wanna go out for coffee with you."** _

Was I hearing him right, or was this just my imagination playing tricks on me?

_**"Wait?"**_ , I questioned,  ** _"So, you didn't wanna back out of having coffee with me tonight?"_**

_**"No, Dean. Not at all"**_ , he smiled shyly,  ** _"I'm just nervous. That's all"_** , he admitted.

_**"Seriously?",**_ I asked, dumbfounded, still trying to wrap my head around the idea that he really wasn't looking for a way out of tonight. Could this really be happening?

He nodded slowly,  ** _"Yeah, seriously. What? You don't believe me?"_** , he asked with a smart ass grin on his face.

_**"No...I mean...Yes! But... Why would you be nervous?"**_ , I inquired.

**_"Probably for the same reason that you keep meddling with your keys"_** , he smirked and pointed towards my coat pocket.

**_"What? I'm not...I wasn't...Oh..."_** , I smiled inwardly when I notice that I actually was meddling with them, quite a bit actually, then I felt slightly embarrassed ,  ** _"Sorry about that. It's a nervous habit of mine."_**

_**"It's okay. I guess it's alright to be nervous when you're starting a new friendship."** _

_**"Yeah, I guess so..."**_ , I stuttered, _ **"So, you're serious about..., well you know? Still going out for coffee with me?"**_

_**"Of course I am"**_ , Castiel rejoiced,  _ **"But you're paying!"**_ , Castiel said as we both slowly started walking towards the exit of the building.

**_"Oh am I now?"_** , I giggled,  _ **"I thought since you were the one who asked me out for coffee that you would be the one paying?"**_

**_"Well..."_** , Castiel paused and smirked,  _ **"Technically since I asked you out, I should be the one paying. However, since you're the one who almost left me there hanging a few minutes ago all by my lonesome, I think it would only be fair that you would pay this time around as your way of begging for my forgiveness. And next time, it will be my treat."**_

_**"Next time?"**_ , I questioned, cause I wasn't sure if I heard him right.

**_"Yeah, Dean. Next time..."_** , Castiel beamed as he held the door open for me to step outside,  ** _"After you Mister Winchester"_** , he smiled and gestured me to step out first.

So I did just that,  ** _"Well, thank you Mister Novak"_** , I teased.

The suddenly, I felt something press itself against the small of my back. I blushed furiously when I realized that it was Castiel's hand that was guiding me out of the building. I turned around only to meet Castiel's steady gaze. We stared into each other's eyes for such a brief moment that I wasn't entirely sure it had happened. Quickly looking away, he kept us moving. But I couldn't help but remember the gentle but firm pressure of Castiel's hand on my back and the way his eyes peered so deeply into mine. And then my stomach fluttered once again; those restless butterflies that can't seem to settle when I'm around Castiel were back.

* * *

**(Castiel's POV)**

We waited for over ten minutes and there was still no cab in sight,  _ **"Well, I guess luck isn't in our corner tonight, Mister Winchester"**_ , I said as I looked over at Dean who was slightly shivering.

_**"Yeah, I guess not"**_ , he said and rubbed his hands over his arms a few times to warm himself up.

I could see that he was cold, and for some reason, he only had what looked like a thin layered coat on which I didn't quite understand. It was still early spring and the evening's were still very chilly at times.

_**"Are you cold?"**_ , I asked, trying not to make such a fuss about it.

_**"Yeah..."**_ , he admitted, ** _"Maybe just a little."_**

_**"Here"**_ , I said as I pulled off my scarf and handed it over to him,  ** _"It's not much. But it's enough to keep you warm while we wait for a cab."_**

Dean smiled at the offer, however looked rather uncomfortable accepting it,  ** _"Thank you, but I can't take your scarf, Cas. Then you'll be cold"_** , he pointed out and pushed it away.

_**"I'll be fine"**_ , I said as I took a step forward and without thinking, I took the scarf and wrapped it securely around Dean's neck and rested both my hands on his shoulders once I was done,  _ **"There! This should keep you warm until we can find a cab and get you something warm to drink."**_

**_"I...uh...Thank you, Cas. I...I really appreciate it"_** , he smiled sheepishly.

**_"Don't mention it!"_** , I smiled, feeling proud of myself for doing something nice for Dean. But that's when something unexpected happened.

That spark... It was the same spark I felt when I was on the roof top with my anonymous.

Then I found myself wondering if it was a mistake to deny myself of something that could be real and I simply ignore what's standing right in front of me today for something that just might never happen.

I wasn't ready to give up on my anonymous just yet. And to make things even more complicated, I wasn't quite ready to give up on Dean either.

We both stared at each other momentarily, and I could have sworn that Dean was blushing. It took me a second to realize that my hands were still resting comfortably where I had left them. Which was probably longer that they should have been.

It felt rather nice to feel this close to someone. Someone real. Then my thoughts drifted back to the roof top and to my anonymous and the moment that we shared earlier when we kiss, and how all of this felt kinda similar.

Then suddenly, I felt nervous again and I couldn't quite understand why though. It wasn't like I was expecting something from Dean, because honest to god, I wasn't. After all, this wasn't even a real date and for all I know, Dean might have just accepted the offer as his way of being polite to me. Yet I found myself wondering what if Dean is looking for something more that friendship? And where does my anonymous come into all of this?

And that's when I felt it again.

That same spark as earlier...

**_"You're hands are cold"_** , Dean whispered softly after placing his own hands over mine,  _ **"Maybe you should put them inside your pockets to keep them warm"**_ , he suggested and rubbed his hands over mine a few times.

As soon as I felt the warmth of Dean's hands covering my own, I froze. Then I panicked. I abruptly pulled my them both away from his shoulders,  _ **"Uh, yeah..."**_ , I agreed and quickly tried to change the subject before I said something either stupid or not right for this moment, ** _"So, I guess we should probably start walking if we wanna to the coffee-house before it closes. Doesn't look like we're gonna be driving there anytime soon."_**

Dean's face quickly changed after I pulled my hands away from him. He almost looked hurt. Rejected...

_**"Yeah, Well...Maybe we should just go back inside and call a cab or something? Or maybe we should just postpone this until some other time when you're free. It's getting pretty late and..."** _

**_"What?"_** , I asked feeling disappointed,  ** _"What happened to having coffee with me?"_**

**_"Look, Cas. I'm sorry if that came out the wrong way...I...I'm not sure if having coffee with you is such a good idea."_ **

_**"Yeah, okay. If that's what you really want, Dean**_ , I frowned,  ** _"I'll just go call us a cab."_**

I smiled inwardly and turned to go back inside to call us both a cab when Dean reached out and grabbed my hand so that I wouldn't leave,  _ **"No! Don't go, Cas... I didn't mean it like that Cas. It's just..."**_ , he paused,  ** _"Shit!"_**

_**"What's wrong?"**_ , I asked when I noticed that Dean was starting to freaking out.

_**"Cas, what I really want is to go out on a date with you tonight. Oh god! Wait! I didn't mean it like that! Fuck!"** _

Okay let's rewind this here...Did Dean just say that he wanted to go out on a date with me tonight and then take it back?

**_"Uh, Dean?"_** , I tried cutting in, but there was no way of that happening any time soon. Dean was having a melt down, and it was just about the cutest thing that I've ever seen.

He sighed,  ** _"I didn't mean that I wouldn't wanna go out on a date with you. Who wouldn't wanna go out with you? You're smart, funny, and very handsome. I know that this isn't date or anything...And I know that you would never be interested in me that way. It's just..."_**

If he only knew how interested in him I really was.

_**"Dean?"** _

_**"It's just...It's fucking cold and I'm fucking freezing and out here! And I always tend to freak out when I'm around you, and for some very annoying reason, I can't seem to shut up and I haven't eaten all day and if I don't get food in my system soon, I'm probably gonna die of starvation or embarrassment or whichever comes first."** _

**_"Dean..."_** , I said as I held up my hand to effectively stop him from speaking,  ** _"Are you done?"_**

_**"Yes"**_ , he muttered out and looked mortified,  ** _"I'm just gonna go crawl in some corner and die now!"_**

I chuckled,  ** _"Well isn't that's a shame. I was really looking forward to taking you out for dinner tonight"_** , I smiled.

_**"What?"**_ , I sounded rather surprised,  ** _"You...you wanna to take me out for dinner?"_**

_**"Why not? We wouldn't want you to die of starvation now would we?"**_ , I chuckled,  ** _"It's the least I can do for the person who finds me smart, funny and handsome I might add!"_**

_**"Kill me now and put me out of my misery!"** _

We both laughed loudly at Dean's last statement,  ** _"Look, I'm not going to lie to you, Dean. So here's the deal"_** , I hesitated slightly before I continued.

I wanted to make sure that what came out of my mouth next, came out right. I didn't wanna lie to Dean and lead him on into believing that this was date. He deserved better than that coming from me. After all, I was the one who asked him out and offered to take him out to dinner. I also didn't want him to think that I wasn't interested in him either. Because I was interested in Dean, but the timing...

It was kinda unexpected. I never thought that in a million years, that I would find myself torn between having feelings for two people at the same time.

I owed it myself to at least give it one last shot with my anonymous before throwing in the towel and calling it quits. And I also owed Dean an explanation for leading him on, even if that wasn't my intention, " ** _My life is kinda messed up at the moment. It's not that I don't find you attractive, because well...You are, Dean!"_**

And that was the truth. Dean was so fucking hot! However, that wasn't the only thing that I was attracted to in Dean. I also loved the fact that he gets nervous when ever he talks to me, and that he blushes whenever I catch him looking at me, and the way that I felt when our hands touched...Even if it was only for a few seconds, ** _"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need sometime to figure things out before I can put myself out there again. I think you're a really nice guy, Dean"_** , I paused and took a deep breath, _ **"I know this is gonna probably gonna come off as selfish, but would really like to spend some time with you. But for now, All I can offer you is my friendship."**_

Dean looked hopeful,  ** _"That seems fair enough."_**

_**"Wait? You're not mad?"**_ , I asked, feeling a bit surprised by his reaction.

**_"Why would I be mad? You're being honest with me. What more could I ask for in a friend? And if you're serious about being friends, I think I would really like that, Cas. Very much."_ **

_**"Really? You're okay with us, just being friends?"** _

_**"Yes! If that's all you can offer me then I'm not going to push it, Cas. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little bummed out about it.** _ _**Now hurry up before I change my mind. I'm dying of starvation here!"** _

**_"Someone is pushy!"_** , I smiled at his forwardness.

_**"Only when he's hungry"**_ , he retaliated,  ** _"So, where are you taking me out for dinner?"_**

**_"I think I have just the perfect place in mind. Come on. It's this way"_** , I said as we walked off together.

**_"Where are we going exactly?"_** , he asked curiously.

**_"Casa de la Novak! It's just a few blocks away from here."_ **

_**"Casa de la Novak? I've never heard of the place."** _

_**"They say the cook is rather Handsome and incredibly sexy"**_ , I teased and gave Dean a devious grin.

**_"Oh really, well...I guess that's a good choice then. Where did you say it was located?"_ **

**_"Yeah, about that...",_** I giggled nervously,  ** _"It's actually at my apartment! I hope that's alright."_**

**_To Be Continued...OXO_ **


	10. Chapter 10

**(Dean's POV)**

**_"Your apartment?"_**   I inquired hesitantly.  ** _"You sure that's a good idea, Cas?"_**

_**"I'm confused. Why wouldn't it be a good idea? It's only a few blocks away from here, and from what I hear, the cook can make a mean plate of chicken fettuccine!"** _

Castiel seemed very enthusiastic to cook us dinner. The grin on his face said it all. If I didn't know any better, I would think he was more than a little high-strung on the concept.

I, on the other hand, was torn by his suggestion. I wasn't sure if I should voice my concerns or not. On the one hand, it felt wrong on many levels: lying to Castiel, pretending to be someone that I'm not, are only skimmed the surface of my concerns. I have this sinking feeling that this is not going to end well when Castiel finally finds out my true identity.

On the other hand, maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all. Who knows? Maybe this will give us a chance to get to know each other on a more personal level, and when the time comes for me to confess to Castiel, having built more of a relationship with him might just soften the blow.

One way or the other, this was a f*cked-up situation in more ways than one. Now, all I can do is pray to God that one day, he will be able to forgive me.

_**"Sounds awesome!"**_ , I tried to sound more enthusiastic than I felt, and pushed all concerns aside for the time being.

_**"Dean? Are you sure that you're okay with this? I mean, coming over to my place for dinner?"**_   Castiel squinted those lovely blue eyes at me.  ** _"Because if you're not comfortable, then we can go somewhere else."_**

_**"No! Your place sounds fine"**_  I lied. It just seemed easier than telling the truth. At least for now.

Come to think of it, how hard can it be to be on the same room as the person you're totally in love with? Can't be that hard, right?

_**"Are you sure? Cause if you're not-"** _

_**"I'm sure, Cas."**_   I cut him off a little harshly trying to reassure him that everything was fine.

**_"Good! Because we're here!"_**  he said as we approached a three-story building,  ** _"Welcome to the humble abode of Castiel Novak!"_**

Castiel lead the way inside the building. I could see him smiling nervously as we walked up the stairs. He gave me a quick glance, _**"Can I tell you a secret?"**_

_**"Should I be scared?"**_   I asked, wondering what secret Castiel could possibly have that would cause him to act so giddy. I was curious, but for some reason, I was a bit nervous at the same time.

_**"Maybe you should be scared."** _

_**"Wait! Is this the part where you're going to tell me that you're some sort of CIA agent and that you actually invited me over to kill me?"**_   I joked as I followed closely behind him.

_**"Ha ha! Very funny!"**_   Castiel chuckled and winked playfully, _ **"Though the CIA part might be true, that's not my secret."**_

I sighed taking the bait,  _ **"Well, what a relief. You had me going there for a minute. I was just about to turn around and walk the other way."**_

_**"Well, you still have about a ten-second chance to make a break for it."**_ Castiel teased back.

_**"I'll take my chances. So, are you going to tell me what your secret is or do you plan on keeping me in suspense all evening?"**_   I questioned as we came to a complete stop in front of what I presumed was his unit.

_**"This is me,"**_   he informed me and pulled out his keys. His hands were shaking rather intensely as he tried to unlock the door,  _ **"So...Yeah...Here's the thing...",**_  he paused and took a deep breath,  ** _"I've never invited anyone over since I moved here,"_**   and he added in a whisper,  _ **"And I'm rather nervous about it."**_

I smiled at the idea of being the first person to ever come up to his place,  _ **"Really? Is that why you're acting so nervous? 'Cause you're afraid that I won't like your place?"**_

_**"Well, yeah!"**_ , he looked worried,  ** _"There's that, and..."_**

There was hesitation in his voice.

_**"And?"**_  I pried, cause I wanted to know what other reason he had to be nervous.

**_"And..."_** , he stuttered,  _ **"Uh..."**_

_**"Come on! Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm not going to judge you."** _

He smiled and shook his head,  _ **"I can't believe that I'm about to say this out loud"**_ , he giggled nervously at himself before he continued with what he was about to say.  _ **"Look Dean, I'm not gonna hide that fact that I find you very attractive and to tell you the truth, you're the first man that I've invited up to my place... So...Yeah..."**_

If someone would have told me that tonight of all nights, would have been the night I'd find myself at a loss for words over the simple fact that Castiel Novak was nervous because he was attracted to me, then I would have looked you straight in the eyes and called you a liar.

Struggling to find a response, I just stood there silently, with my mouth half-opened, completely stunned by Castiel's confession.

_**"Could you say something? Cause you're making me nervous and I'm freaking out over here!"**_   Castiel admitted as he continued to fumble with the lock.

_**"Uh...I'm not sure what it is that you want me to say here, Cas."** _

_**"Just say something! Anything!"**_  The excited look on his face was now replaced with one of embarrassment and frustration.

I panicked...

And in the heat of the moment, I just said the first thing that popped to mind,  _ **"Thank you?"**_

**_"Thank you?"_**   Castiel repeated and gave me a questioning look,  ** _"Did you really just thank me for admitting that I find you attractive?"_**

What am I? Twelve?

**_"I guess I just did. I'm sorry. It's the first thing that came to mind,"_**   I shyly lowered my eyes to the ground.  _ **"You must think that I'm an idiot."**_

_**"No, not at all. That's just not the reaction I was expecting,"**_   Castiel said and was able to muster a small smile,  _ **"But I suppose I'll take it as a compliment."**_

After a few more attempts at the lock, Castiel finally managed to get it,  _ **"Here we go,"**_   he said as he pushed the door open inviting me in and tried to sound as eager as he did before,  _ **"Welcome to Casa de la Novak!"**_

* * *

**(Castiel's POV)**

_**"Wow! This place is amazing, Cas"**_ ,  Dean eyes grew wide as we entered the living area,  ** _"How did you ever manage to find such a huge place?"_**

_**"The perks of being the grandson of the owner might have something to do with it"**_ , I giggled,  _ **"Plus, the rent is kinda cheap."**_

_**"Figures"**_ , Dean grinned as he looked around the apartment. It was obvious that he liked what he saw,  ** _"Wish my place was bigger. I barely have enough room for all of my books."_**

**_"So, you read a lot?"_** , I asked, taking the opportunity that presented itself to get to know Dean a little better.

Dean blushed furiously at the question which I thought was extremely cute.  _ **"Yeah, uh...mostly poetry and romance novels."**_

_**"Awe, so you're a hopeless romantic then?"** _

Please say yes! Please say yes!

_**"Pretty much"**_ , he smiled shyly and lifted his eyes and met my gaze,  _ **"But seriously, Cas. This place is great. I don't know why you would be nervous about showing me your home. I would love to have a place like this someday and trust me, I would definitely not be afraid to show it off."**_

_**"Yeah, well...Bigger doesn't always mean better"**_ , I informed him as took off my jacket and threw it on the sofa.

_**"Well, I guess it depends what you're talking about, because sometimes, bigger is definitely better."**_ , Dean wiggled his eyebrows at me and flashed a flirtatious smile in my direction which completely caught me off guard.

The smile of his is enough to drive a man wild. Which was exactly what was happening to me in this very instant.

I immediately became flustered when I realized what Dean was referring to as  _"bigger is better"_ ,  _ **"Yeah...Okay...",**_ was all I managed to say because suddenly, I kinda forgot what we were actually talking about.

_**"Sorry, I couldn't just pass up on the opportunity to make an ass of myself yet again in front of you."** _

_**"Oh is that what that was? I just thought that you were trying to size me up!"** _

_**"Size you up?"**_   Dean cocked his head to the side and gave me a questioning look,  ** _"That's not, I mean-"_**

_**"I know that's not what you meant. I'm joking. Well, at least trying to...Never mind. I suck at this",**_ I let out and embarrassing laugh.

_**"Oh come on! You don't suck. You're just...",**_ Dean suddenly stopped and busted out laughing, _ **"Nah, you really do suck at this."**_

_**"Well thanks for the encouragement!"** _

_**"You're most welcome! But seriously,** _ _**what did you actually mean by bigger doesn't always mean better?"** _

_**"Seriously? Or are you just trying to mess with me again?"** _

_**"I'm being totally serious right now, Cas. So come on. Tell me?"** _

_**"Okay, well...for starters, this place his way to big for one person. I spend most of my time at the office so, I don't really see any benefits from having all this extra space."** _

_**"You say that like it's a bad thing?"**_ , he inquired further more.

**_"Well, I guess that takes me to the other reason that I'm not very fond of this place."_ **

_**"Which is?"** _

_**"It gets lonely being here all alone at night,"**_  I sighed deeply and looked up at Dean,  _ **"Now don't get me wrong, this place has its perks. The bedroom is huge, with probably enough closet space for an entire family. There's a hot tub on the balcony and-"**_

**_"Did you just say hot tub?"_**   Dean cut me off rather quickly as soon as the word hot tub slipped out of my mouth.

I giggled.  ** _"Yeah, It's over there on the balcony. I've never even tried it out yet."_**

_**"Seriously, Cas? You're telling me that you have a hot tub on the balcony and you've never used it?"** _

_**"Dead serious!"**_  I nodded my head,  _ **"Don't see the point of having all of this when you have no one to share it with, you know?"**_

Dean gave me a sympathetic look,  ** _"Yeah, I guess you have a point there, but I'm sure it will happen for you someday, Cas. You will find someone to share your life with. Who knows? Maybe your prince charming is closer than you think."_**

**_"Yeah, maybe you're right. You have to kiss a few frogs before-,"_**  I paused and gave Dean a questioning look,  ** _"Wait a minute, what did you just say?"_**   I was astonished when Dean adverted to finding my special someone as prince charming and I wanted to make sure I hear him right.

_**"I said, that maybe your prince charming is closer than you think,"**_   He repeated while hovering a worried look upon his face,  _ **"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, Cas. I didn't mean it like the way it sounded."**_

It's was probably just a simple coincidence that Dean used the words prince charming in reference to me finding the right person to share my life with. Or is it a sign that maybe he standing right here, just a few subatomic inches away from me, patiently waiting for me to make up my mind about this messed up situation. If Dean only knew the real reason why I can't act upon my feelings for him, maybe he might understand why all this is so difficult for me.

_**"Dean...It's not that I don't like you. It's just..."** _

_**"Complicated?"** _

I nodded, ** _"Yeah..."_** , I complied,  ** _"Complicated!"_**

_**"Cas...You've already made it very clear that you're not interested in anymore more than friendship with me and I respect that, It's just..."**_ , he slightly paused before he continued,  ** _"I should probably go."_** Dean repulsed.

I could see where Dean was going with this, and it wasn't fair to him to string him along until I was one hundred percent certain that things between my anonymous were over before pursuing him. However, I couldn't just stand there and watch him walk out that door and walk out of my life without telling him the truth about why I've been so chary towards him.

I owed him an explanation,  ** _"Dean, please don't go. You know, if you'd like, maybe we could talk-"_**

_**"Cas...please. Don't ruin this, okay?"** _

_**"Dean...Please. Just hear me out, Alright?"** _

Dean took a step back and ran his dexterous fingers, skillfully through his hair a couple of times before answering,  _ **"What exactly is it that you're trying to say here Cas?"**_

_**"Look, I know that I've sent you mixed signals ever since we left the office, and I wouldn't blame you if you'd walk out of here and never wanna look back, but..."**_ , I swallowed hard,  _ **"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want you leaving here without knowing the reason why my life is so messed up at the moment. I like you Dean. I really like you and I don't wanna mess things up between us. So please...will you at least give me the chance to explain myself over dinner before deciding whether or not you wish to end this friendship before walking out that door?"**_

_**"You're making it very hard for me to say no, Cas."** _

_**"Then say yes, Dean. Please? I promise you that I'll be on my best behavior. Pretty please?"**_ , I batted my eyes, hoping that this would be enough to make him to reconsider his decision of leaving. I was desperate.

Dean busted out laughing,  _ **"Are you seriously batting those pretty blue eyes of yours in order to convince me not to leave?"**_

_**"It's working isn't it?"**_ , I viciously smiled back at him and winked. Generally speaking, I think things were finally looking up for me and that Dean was just about to cave in to my lovableness.

Dean shook his head in disbelief, ** _"Alright, but you better stop it or else...Be ready to suffer the consequences of your actions, Mister Novak."_**

_**"Oh, I'm so scared!"**_ , I tantalized him.

_**"You should be scared. A hungry man is not someone you should mess around with."** _

_**"Oh really, is that so? Well, in that case, I better hurry up and tell the cook to get his butt out here and cook you some dinner. And while I'm at it, why don't you take a look around and make yourself at home. I'm just gonna change real quick and head on over to the kitchen. And afterward dinner, if you're up for it, maybe we could talk?"** _

_**"I would like that, Cas. Very much."** _

_**"Okay, so...Yeah. I'll be right back."** _

_**"You sure you don't mind if I take a look around?"** _

_**"Not at all, Dean. Knock yourself out"**_ , was the last thing I said to him before I heading towards the hallway and straight into my room, closing behind me and quickly locking it shut. I rested my back against the door for a few minutes so that I could wrap my mind around what was happening,  _ **"What the hell am I gonna do now?",**_ I asked myself as I fumbled around my room, trying to find something to wear and get back out there before Dean changed his mind and left.

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	11. Chapter 11

**(Dean's POV)**

While I waited for Castiel to get changed, I could help but feel how wrong this was. Me being here and him not knowing who I really was.

His anonymous...

I sighed in frustration as I was trying to think of a solution that wouldn't hurt Castiel in the process. I came to the conclusion that no matter what I decided, someone was bound to get hurt in the process,  _ **"Shit!"**_

The more I thought about it, the more frustrated and angry I got with myself.

There wasn't really many options that I could choose from. One was that I stayed here and faced Castiel head on and tell him the truth about me, and cross my fingers and hoping that he'll be able to forgive me once he knows the whole story. Or, I could always take the easy way out and slip out without him even knowing I was gone and answer his questions about it tomorrow.

I walked over to the door and placed my hand on the door knob and tried to turn it. Honestly, I really did. But no matter how hard I tried to leave Castiel's apartment, I simply just couldn't do it.

I kept going back and forth in my mind about what to do, and as tempting as taking the easy way out, I remembered something my dad once told me; A Winchester never takes the easy way out. We always face out problems head on.

_**"What should I do?"**_ , I asked myself as I paced around the living area trying to think of a quick solution to my problem,  _ **"Come on Winchester, think!"**_

I stared towards the hallway that lead to what I presumed was Castiel's room and hoped that Castiel wouldn't be coming out any time soon, so that I would have more time to think about what I was going to do.

So if I wasn't going to walk out on Castiel, that left me with no other choice than to stay. To stay and tell Castiel the truth about me being his anonymous,  _ **"Dear God, please send me an Angel"**_ , I whispered softly as I pressed my head against the door.

_**"Going somewhere?"** _

Wow! Great timing to answer my prayers!

_**"Jesus Christ, Cas! You scared the shit out of me!"**_ , I screamed out, startled by Castiel's sudden appearance behind me.

**_"Shit! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't trying to leave me"_** , he frowned, and tried to hide the fact that he looked completely hurt my what he just witnessed.

_**"Cas..."**_ , I tried explaining, but Castiel abruptly cut me off.

_**"Look, it's okay. I'm not going to force you in staying here against your will, Dean."** _

_**"I'm not leaving, Cas"**_ , I breathed out.

_**"You're not? Cause when I came in here, I saw you and..."** _

_**"I'm staying, Cas."** _

Castiel smiled hard,  _ **"Good! I'm glad you decided to stay and have dinner with me. I really don't feel like being alone tonight."**_

_**"Neither did I, Cas"**_ , I said and met his smiled. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I decided to offer him my assistance,  _ **"So, you need any help in the kitchen? I'm not a very good cook, but I can learn if you teach me a few tricks?"**_ , I asked politely hoping that Castiel would take me up on the offer so I could get my mind off of things for the time being.

_**"Uh...As a matter of fact, I think I could really use your help with dicing the vegetables while I make the sauce and boil the pasta."** _

_**"Uh, dicing? Does that mean I get to use a knife?"**_ , I joked,  _ **"You know, I'm not so sure that's a good idea, Cas. You know how distracted I get when I'm around you? What if I cut myself and need medical assistance?"**_

_**"Well..."**_ , Castiel smiled shyly before he continued,  _ **"If that where to happen, then I would have to change into my doctor's uniform and give you all the medical assistance that you little heart desires."**_

I was stunned by Castiel's sudden confidence. If I didn't know any better, I would have believed that Castiel was flirting with me. But he couldn't be. Could he?

_**"Doctor's uniform? Now that's hot!"**_ , I pointed out as Castiel's face cringed.

_**"Are you trying to say that my chef's uniform isn't hot?"**_ , he crossed his arms playfully, pretending that he was offended by my comment.

_**"Uh, No. Not at all. If all chef dressed like this"**_ , I said, pointing to Castiel's ensemble,  _ **"Then Casa de la Novak would be brimming with customers, and I only see one customer in here, so...Just saying."**_

_**"Well, maybe Casa de la Novak is only opened to a certain special someone tonight...Just saying"**_ , Castiel mocked me and winked.

My pulse started racing and my mind, well...Never mind what was happening in there!

_**"I think I need so air! Or a drink maybe, cause It's getting way too hot in here."** _

Castiel laughed,  _ **"Come on, Casanova. Let me get you a glass of wine to help you cool down"**_ , Castiel offered and grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the kitchen,  _ **"Hope you like red?"**_

_**"Red is fine, Angel"**_ , I said without thinking.

Castiel suddenly froze,  _ **"What did you just call me?"**_ , he asked and looked concerned about what he just heard.

I mentally cursed myself,  ** _"I...I uh..."_**

**_"Did you just call me Angel?",_** he asked again.

I swear to God, I thought I was going to die right there, ** _"I'm sorry, Cas. But there's something that I need to tell you..."_**

**_To Be Continued...OXO_ **


	12. Chapter 12

**(Castiel's POV)**

_**"I'm sorry Cas, but there is something that I need to tell you..."**_ , Dean said with a fretful tone of voice.

I was completely disconcerted when Dean called me Angel and I wasn't sure how to approach this without being a little cautious.

_**"I'm listening."** _

I thought things were going well, until I heard him say that word, Angel. How did he know about my letters? And Angel?

_**"Cas, I just...that name slipped out and I didn't mean for you to find out this way..."** _

_**"Dean, I don't know what you're talking about but you better get explaining now that you've started."** _

_**"Angel, the name I just called you, well, let's just say that I know about the letters you've been exchanging with anonymous."** _

I didn't know whether to be embarrassed or hurt or angry about this. Those letters, which were so terribly private and special to me, were no longer a secret. No wonder Dean had always been around when I received them. No wonder he was nervous around me. He had deceived me.

_**"I can't believe you would do that, Dean! How is it that we finally start to get along, and I admit that I'm kind of attracted to you and I've never invited anyone up to my place since I moved in and then you throw Angel at me. How dare you."** _

I was pissed. Enraged. Humiliated.

_**"Cas, it's not what you think! I didn't do this to make fun of you..."** _

_**"Why else would you sneak behind my back and read my private letters? And all along I thought Gabriel might find them, but it was you I should have been more worried about."** _

_**"Wait? You think that I found your letters and read them?"** _

_**"Yes! How else would you know about that name he calls me...Angel?"** _

_**"I-I'm so sorry, Cas. It's really not what you think..."** _

_**"First, you get the promotion that I worked very hard on over me. Then you snoop through my private things to read letters that are very special to me. You will do anything to beat me, won't you Dean? Here I thought you were a quiet, shy guy who works hard. All along you were a conniving back-stabber who will stop at nothing to advance."** _

_**"No Cas** _ _**! That's not it..."** _

I stood staring at him as he floundered, his hands were waving all over and then running through his hair, he started and stopped talking about five times before he finally spoke a complete sentence.

_**"Do you not understand that I like you Cas? I like you a lot! That's why I've done everything I have to get your attention. I really, really like you and I have feelings for you."** _

Oh god! Of course! It hadn't even crossed my mind that Dean might actually be envious of my Mr. Anonymous. Reading my letters, he found out how invested I had become in this love-letter relationship, and he knew he had to tell me how he felt before he completely lost his chance.

_**"Dean, I'm sorry...I didn't realize..."** _

He dropped his eyes to the floor and his hands to his side.

**_"I wanted to tell you for so long...every time we were alone in the office, the day you spilled coffee all over me..."_ **

_**"Not my best moment, Dean, I'm sorry. But why didn't you just tell me? Why didn't you just ask me out instead of sneaking behind my back to find out if I was seeing anyone?"** _

_**"Cas, I think you might be misunderstanding what I'm saying about the letters."** _

_**"Dean, you are jealous, I get it. I can't say that this makes it all okay, but at least I understand why...and it's almost kind of romantic. I like you, too, Dean."** _

Then suddenly, my mind went blank. And all I could think about is how much I didn't want to lose Dean.

On impulse, I took a step forward and slowly moved my hands towards Dean's face. His eyes first met mine but quickly left and focused on my arms as they were reaching out to him. Thinking he was going to take my hand, I smiled but was completely taken aback when his hands wrapped around my wrists and halted all of my movement.

 _ **"Cas, don't..."**_ , he begged and looked over to the left avoiding further eye contact with me. I couldn't have read this so wrong, could I? I was the one who stopped us at friendship, but now that I was second-guessing that decision, Dean was the one putting the brakes on.

 _ **"Dean, Please...Don't fight this"**_ , I pleaded and pushed forward until my body was only a few short inches away from him, _ **"I want this, Dean."**_

 _ **"You think you do, but you don't. Cas, we can't...I mean, I can't..."**_ , he paused for a measly second and exhaled deeply before he continued,  _ **"Not like this, Cas. I haven't been completely truthful with you and this isn't-"**_ , he cut himself off.

There was a long awkward silence where neither of us said a word to each other. Dean slowly released his hold on my wrists and placed both of my hands on his chest. That feeling, the one that made me feel light-headed and nervous, returned and I didn't know what to do. Then suddenly, he looked up at me with his emerald green eyes and smiled sadly,  _ **"This isn't a good idea, Cas."**_

I didn't dare move. I just stood there silently and watched his eyes, and tried to figure all of this out. How could it not be a good idea when it felt really right? I had to know the answer.

 _ **"Why?"**_ , I demanded,  _ **"Why is this such a bad idea, Dean? Explain to me why you seemed so excited when I asked you to dinner and now I feel like you can't wait to leave and get away from me? How is it possible that your feelings changed so quickly after everything that you've done to get me?"**_

 _ **"Cas..."**_ , Dean whispered, almost begging me understand.  _ **"There's something that I need to tell you, before-"**_

 _ **"Please Dean"**_ , I couldn't help myself from interrupting,  _ **"Before I felt unsure, I didn't know if I was ready to see someone...but I feel totally at ease with you. I know everything now and there's no need for you to hide anything else from me. I get it, Dean. You read my letters and you know about anonymous, but you also know that I need this, Dean. Something real. Someone like you. I need you..."**_  and just like that, I pressed my lips to Dean's and kissed him with everything I had in me.

Dean didn't kiss back. Instead he pulled away far enough so that he could speak,  _ **"Cas...You don't understand...",**_  It almost sounded desperate cry of blameworthiness. And as far as I was concerned, it was going to far more than this for me to be convinced that he didn't want this as much as I wanted this too.

 _ **"Please, Dean. Just let me have this. Even if it's for just one night. I need this...I need you...I want you"**_ , and I kissed him back with full force, letting my guard down and my heart open.

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _

 


	13. Chapter 13

**(Dean's POV)**

_**"Please Dean. Now I know how you feel; everything is out in the open, so can't you just let me have this? Even if it's only for just one night. I need this...I need you...I want you."** _

And just like that, in one single headlong move, Castiel crashed our mouths together in a very passionate embrace. God how I wanted him, too! But we still had secrets, whether he realized it or not. Thinking about that made my head spin and my resolve crumble. And before I could even try to wrap my head around what was actually happening, my eyes closed and I found myself kissing Castiel back with just as much intensity.

One of his hands still remained pressed flat up against my chest while the other cupped the back of my head gently, successfully silencing any feeble attempts I made to break away from him.

This kiss was not like our first. (Although I was the only one of us who knew that we had shared a kiss before.) Yes, Castiel's lips were soft, warm, and irresistible like before. But this time Castiel was greedy. He parted his lips and soon I felt his tongue sweep along my bottom lip begging for entrance. I didn't even think. I just instinctually opened up for him and granted him access.

Damn, it felt so good! Even though I knew deep down that it was wrong. Wrong on so many levels. But no matter how hard I tried to pull away from his warm embrace, his perfect lips, his wanting kiss...I simply couldn't make myself do it. I tried stepping back a little to separate us, but all I could think about was how I was going to get my mouth on his once again. Kissing Castiel, having his lips fully pressed upon mine and his hand in my hair was making it difficult for me to think straight at the moment.

I was weak. Weak and totally at Castiel Novak's mercy.

_**"Dean..."**_ , Castiel moaned loudly, trying so hard not to break away from me for no longer than a second.  _ **"I want you so f***ing bad right now"**_ , he demanded as he forced me backwards until I was flat against the kitchen wall. He moved his hips and chest flush against mine and then he kissed me again. His declaration along with the sensation of Castiel pressed tightly against me sent shivers throughout my entire body. In that moment I was so overwhelmed that I had to wrench my mouth away from his.

But that didn't stop Castiel from kissing a wet, heated trail from my jaw down to the crook of my neck.  _ **"Cas...Fuck!"**_ , I growled,  _ **"You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that, but..."**_

Castiel moaned in between the kisses that he placed against my sensitive skin,  _ **"No buts...Want you...Mine...Now!"**_

His voice was possessive and ravenous. I had craved this…to be desired by Castiel Novak. And now I found myself fighting against everything I had wanted for so long.

_**"Cas..."**_ , I supplicated,  _ **"I...I think...Oh...I think we should stop."**_

_**"Stop thinking and just kiss me, Dean! I know you want this just as much as I do,"**_  was all he said before closing the gap I had just wedged between us.

Castiel was right about one thing though. I really, really did want this – want him; But I just couldn't let it happen with so many secrets between us. It wasn't right. And though it might bring us temporary pleasure, it inevitably would lead to bitterness and regret.

_**"Cas, Stop! Please"**_ , was the last thing I said before I placed my hands roughly on his shoulders and literally pushed him away.

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	14. Chapter 14

**(Castiel's POV)**

**_"Cas, Stop! Please"_** , was the last thing I heard Dean say before he grabbed a hold of my shoulders and pushed me away from him.

Already missing the warmth of his embrace, I ran my fingers over my own lips and closed my eyes. I had no idea what just happened. Or why.

One minute Dean and I were kissing each other like there was no tomorrow, and the next, he was standing there panting with his head pressed up against the wall, looking like someone who had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

I didn't understand what changed, so I stood there, quietly, dumbfounded at the whole situation, waiting for some sort of explanation.

Dean had made it very clear that he wanted me. God, he even admitted that earlier on in the evening when I invited him here for dinner. So I really couldn't understand why the sudden change of heart? Had I missed something? A sign or a clue I didn't get? Dean already knew about my letters to anonymous, and he also knew how torn up about it I was. So, why now would he push me away when I finally made it apparent how badly I wanted him?

 ** _"Dean?"_**   I asked him and tried to remain as calm as I possibly could under the circumstances,  ** _"I thought you wanted this? I was the one who was unsure…but I'm not anymore."_**

Dean never answered. He just stood there, not looking at me, running his fingers through his hair, breathing heavily, and biting his lower lip angrily. I had never seen him like this before. Even in tough business situations, he was calm and collected. Not now. He looked like he would rather the floor open up and swallow him whole instead of having to face me again.

 ** _"Dean? Could you at least look at me?_** " I pleaded desperately and took a step forward.

With nothing separating us but a few measly inches, I reached my hand out and cupped the side of his face gently. ** _"Please?_** " I asked him again and this time Dean responded.

He lifted his hand and placed it over mine and slowly opened his eyes. They were shining with the dampness of unshed tears. He looked so forlorn that it made my heart hurt.

We both stood there in complete silence, his hand still on mine, watching each other for over a minute before Dean finally spoke.

 ** _"I'm sorry Cas, I didn't mean for any of this to happen."_**   He spoke almost in a whisper, and I had to strain to hear.

 ** _"You have nothing to be sorry about, Dean. It's just...I just..."_**  I struggled to find the right words,  ** _"I thought you wanted to...to kiss me."_**

Dean took a deep breath and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I could see that whatever Dean was trying to tell me was something extremely difficult. Maybe he wasn't so sure of his feelings after all. Maybe he was confused and he didn't know what to do anymore. I can tell you one thing for certain; since I've finally admitted to myself that I have feelings for him, I'm not about to let him leave without knowing it.

 ** _"Dean, if you don't wanna talk about it, it's fine. You don't have to talk."_**  I didn't want to push him too far, cause the last thing I wanted was for Dean to walk out of here regretting that anything happened between us at all.  ** _"How about I talk and you just listen, okay?"_**

Dean simply nodded and waited for me.

 ** _"When I kissed you earlier, I felt something that I haven't felt in a long time. I'm sorry if I came off a little strong, but it was only because I didn't wanna lose any chance that I had of being with you. I was so scared that you were gonna walk out that door and never look back, that kissing you felt like the only way to keep you from leaving,"_**  I explained and lowered my head. ** _"I'm sorry for taking advantage of you. It was wrong for me to kiss you under those circumstances."_**

 _ **"Cas, you don't have to explain yourself to me,"**_   Dean intervened. He sounded so defeated, so distant.

**_"Please, Dean. I need to do this and I need you to listen. That's all I'm asking, okay?"_ **

Dean agreed and nodded once again.

 ** _"As I was saying, I kissed you for the wrong reasons. But once you started kissing me back...it was like...I'm not even sure I have words to explain, but it felt so right."_**   I paused and took a deep breath, _ **"Dean, you made me feel things that I haven't felt in a long time. Things that I never thought I could feel again. You made me feel alive, wanted, loved. But...**_ " my thoughts drifted back to that moment when I stepped forward and kissed Dean. It was like something inside me came alive. It was a feeling that I never imagined I would ever feel again, yet alone twice in the same evening.

**_"...I never thought I could feel this way about two people at once, and that's why my life feels so messed up at the moment. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I don't have feelings for the person behind those letters, because I do, Dean. It would be wrong of me to deny it. However, that doesn't mean that I don't have feelings for you too. 'Cause I do, Dean. And when I kissed you, I realized just how strong those feelings are."_ **

The first time that it happened was on the rooftop with my anonymous. Hearing him whisper loving words to me, calling me  _"His Angel,"_   helped me remember how exciting it was to be chased and desired.

However, that feeling was fleeting and my perfect fantasy ended abruptly when I found myself standing alone on the roof top. I get that he was afraid that I wouldn't return the feelings once I knew who he actually was, but if he wasn't willing to risk his identity to find out how I felt about him, then I wondered if any of it was worth all the effort? In some cases, you need more than romantic letters and gestures to make a relationship work. In fact, that's what made me come to a realization about Dean.

With Dean, things were completely different than with my anonymous. First of all, Dean was honest right from the start about his feelings for me. He might not say it in so many words, or be able to write romantic letters about the way he feels, but that's just fine. It's clear to me that Dean has difficulty expressing himself. At least he's ready to open himself up to the possibility of a relationship with me. He was willing to take a chance, and that's something my anonymous was not able to offer me. But was it enough to build a strong foundation for a relationship? Would it be strong enough if he's not able to communicate directly about his feelings? He's standing right here in front of me, and he seemed silent and shut down. I guess that was what worried me the most about Dean.

So I found myself torn between two very different people with whom I have developed feelings for in a very short time. At this point, I'm not one hundred percent sure that I can turn my back on my anonymous. My feelings for him are exciting and pure, and just thinking about giving up on him makes me wanna break down and cry. As crazy as it may sound, I'm totally in love with him and what makes things even harder, is that I'm pretty sure that I'm feeling the exact same thing for Dean.

**_"So I'm not going to stand here and tell you that I know what's going to happen tomorrow or even in a week from now. But what I can tell you is that I like you Dean, and my feelings are genuine and intense. And when we kissed...God! I felt the electricity between us and it made me want you even more."_ **

How come I hadn't seen this before? For so long, I wasted my time hating Dean. And for what reason? For snatching the promotion away from me that I worked very hard for, even though I knew that he was more than over-qualified for the position? For being an all around nice person with one of the kindest hearts that I've ever seen? For helping out others in every way that he possibly could, even if it meant going out of his way to make it happen? Let's just say the list was endless.

However, there was one big reason that hating Dean became an obsession of mine. And when I was finally ready to admit it to myself, which was actually just a few days ago, it all finally made sense to me.

The reason I hated him so much, was because I've never wanted anyone or anything as much as I wanted him in my entire life! And admitting that to myself, was one of the hardest and scariest things. But I did. And that's when I knew that I wasn't ready to give up on him either.

Kinda ironic isn't it? Hating someone so much just because you want him so badly? Really the truth of it was that I hated myself for being an ass, and I took that frustration all out on him.

I pulled my hand out from underneath Dean's hand and placed it on his shoulder, ** _"I know that what I'm about to ask you might be selfish, and I don't expect you to wait around forever for me, but I'm asking you for a little more time. A day, maybe a few...so I can sort through my feelings before making any kind of decision. Can you grant me that long?"_**

**_"Yeah, I think I can manage that, and I'm sorry about earlier, Cas. You know? About pushing you away, about the k-"_ **

**_"Don't you ever be sorry about the kiss we shared. But you did have every right to push me away,"_**   I promptly interrupted him, because that was the truth. I would never, could never regret kissing him. ** _"I'm just so sorry that I wasted so much energy finding ways to hate you, that I almost forgot the reason why I liked you so much."_**

Dean blushed,  ** _"Oh really? And what would that reason be?"_**  he shyly asked and waited for my answer. He had finally gotten back to the Dean I knew...sweet, generous, humble. I just had to mess with him a little.

 ** _"Well..."_**   I teased,  ** _"Let me think...and now that you ask, I can't seem to remember after all..."_**   I tapped my finger on my temple, pretending to concentrate hard.

Dean playfully shoved my shoulder. ** _"Ha ha, very funny, Cas. Be serious!"_**

We both laughed. It felt good to be comfortable with him again; for everything to feel as easy as it did when we first arrived at my place tonight.

 ** _"Alright, alright"_** , I said as I took another step closer to Dean and wrapped my arms around his waist.  ** _"From the very first time I saw you, Dean, I thought you were so attractive. I couldn't stop staring at you"_** , I admitted that to him.

 ** _"Yeah, I noticed"_** , Dean informed me and smiled.  ** _"But you loathed me so much I thought your stare was more evil than flattering."_**

**_"Well, at first it might have been a bit of both. Why didn't you ever say anything?"_ **

**_"What was I supposed to say? Hey! My name's Dean Winchester and I think you're hot as hell, so if that stare doesn't mean you want to kill me, might you want to go out with me instead?"_ **

**_"Well...it would have been a start, right?"_** , I smiled.

 ** _"Yeah, maybe. But never in a million years would I have thought you would be interested in me,"_**   he finished softly.

**_"And why was that?"_ **

He met my eyes and cocked his head to the side.  ** _"Well, I was kinda under the impression that you hated me."_**

 ** _"Yeah, sorry about that,"_**   I cringed.  ** _"I think you know why now, right?"_**

Dean nodded his head,  ** _"I do."_**

 ** _"Good! So, I hope we're okay for now. Because I do owe you that dinner I promised. You still up for it?"_**   I asked, hoping Dean still wanted to have dinner with me.

 ** _"Of course I'm still up for it"_** , Dean answered with a small smile,  _ **"But there's something that I've gotta do first."**_

 ** _"And what's that?"_**   I asked, seriously puzzled.

 ** _"This!"_** Dean wrapped his arms around my neck and brought me in for a kiss. My arms were still around his waist, and I quickly pulled his entire body closer to mine.

The kiss was amazing. Our lips moved together so perfectly. It was gentle, loving, and most of all it was filled with passion. And for the first time, I knew Dean was into it...he finally let his guard down and the result was mind-shattering.

After breaking apart from each other, I slowly opened my eyes to meet Dean gorgeous brown ones.  ** _"Wow, that was..."_** , I gasped slightly.

 ** _"Amazing!"_** , Dean finished.

 ** _"Yeah, That! So, what was that for?"_** I asked.

**_"That was me thanking you for tonight."_ **

**_"Well, if that's how you show gratitude, you can feel free to thank me again anytime,"_**  I winked.

Dean shook his head and rolled his eyes.  _ **"Come on, Casanova. Let's go make dinner."**_

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	15. Chapter 15

**(Dean's POV)**

_**"Cas, this tastes amazing!"**_   Who would have even imagined that behind those perfectly tailored suit and those trendy, silk neckties, was hidden a man who could cook so wonderfully. Clearly not me, that for sure. Makes me wonder what other talents the infamous Castiel Novak is hiding.

**_"Thanks, but I can't take all the credit for this. You helped me out with most of the preparations."_ **

Oh, right. The preparations. Now who could forget that!

* * *

**Flashback to earlier that evening...**

_**"Dean, can you pass me the colander? It's over there, under the counter. Third panel on the right,"**_   Castiel asked as he got the ingredients together for the sauce,  _ **"The fettuccine is almost ready."**_

A colander? What the fuck is a colander?

 _ **"Sure..uh..one sec."**_   Clearly, I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I leaned down and pretended that I knew exactly what I was looking for when the truth was, I had no clue.

I fumbled around the cupboard for a few seconds and spotted a round thing with holes in the bottom. I wasn't sure if that's what Castiel was looking for, but I remembered him saying that the noodles were almost ready, so I figured that this thing-a-ma-gig was what he was talking about. Or at least I hoped it was, 'cause The last thing I ever wanted was to look like an incompetent moron in front of Castiel.  _ **"Is this what you were looking for?"**_ , I asked and handed to odd-looking object to Castiel.

 _ **"Thank you"**_ , he smiled brightly,  _ **"Do you wanna taste the sauce? It's almost ready."**_   Castiel offered as he whisked away at the sauce in the shallow pan.

_**"Uh, sure. If you want me too."** _

Castiel tapped the whisk a few times on the edge of the pan to remove the excess liquid from the utensil and placed it on the spoon rest that was on the counter. He picked up a wooden spoon that was placed next to the whisk and smoothly stirred the sauce a few times before pulling it out of the pot and gently blew over it a few times,  _ **"It's very hot. Be careful not to burn yourself"**_ , he said as he brought it up to my mouth,  _ **"Open up."**_

As Castiel requested, I opened my mouth slightly over the spoon and took a taste of the creamy substance. It was the best sauce that I've ever taste.  _ **"Hmmm, that's tastes like heaven, Cas."**_

This was definitely something that I could get use to.

Castiel smiled widely,  _ **"Well, I'm glad you like it."**_

 _ **"Like it? I love it, Cas. You really are amazing. You know that?"**_ , I informed him as I licked the remaining sauce off of the spoon, slowly stroking over it with my tongue.

Castiel blushed furiously at the compliment, looked down, and pulled open the drawer where his collection of spoons were neatly stored away, _ **"Well, I wouldn't go that far...ahh...Dean?"**_   He started saying, but suddenly, his eyes grew wide and he just stood there, staring at me, looking like he was about to have an aneurysm.

 ** _"Cas? You okay?"_** , I asked, wondering why he was looking at me that way.

 _ **"Uh, Dean? The spoon...you're..."**_ , he shuffled around the drawers, as if he was looking for something, but somehow couldn't find it. He slammed the drawer shut and before I knew it, he grabbed a hold of me and pinned me down with my back up against the refrigerator.

He was panting, hard.

 _ **"Cas?"**_ , I questioned, still unsure of what just happening, _ **"Is there something wrong?"**_

 _ **"There are things in this world that I can't explain, Dean. Like for instance the way I'm acting right now"**_ , he smiled mischievously at me and leaned in closer to me,  _ **"However, if you don't stop licking that spoon off with your tongue that way, I will not be responsible for my actions."**_

I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol that brought this upon Castiel. He was always such a collective type of man. Always in control of every situation. Always well prepared at meetings and ready for anything life threw his way. (With exception of maybe that one time in the boardroom where he kinda screw up his presentation because we couldn't stop looking at each other.) Good thing that Gabriel was there to set him straight or who knows what might have happened?

Luckily for me, this time around, Gabriel was no where in site and I wasn't about to pass up on the opportunity to take full advantage of this astonishing situation. Who know when, or if ever I would get another chance at making Castiel squirm like this.

I lifted my eyes up with a stupid grin plastered all over my face,  _ **"Oh, you mean like this?"**_ , I said and licked up the spoon with a few long strokes, keep  
my eyes on Castiel the whole time,  _ **"Does this bother you Cas?"**_

Castiel shifted around uncomfortably, but somehow managed to keep his cool,  _ **"Like I said, not responsible for my actions!"**_ , he took a step closer, pressing his hips firmly against mine.

I could feel the perfect lines of Castiel's erection through his sweat pants as he rolled his hips, slowly, feeling my own erection starting to spread out in my trousers within seconds. It was probably the hottest things that I've even witnessed in my entire life. Who know that cooking could be so entertaining?

Now I was the one losing control.

 _ **"Fuck!"**_ , I cursed as Castiel started picking up the pace, finding the perfect friction between our bodies,  _ **"Cas...I...I'm not...gonna...last..."**_

 _ **"What's the matter, Winchester? Having a "Hard" time keeping it together?"**_ , Castiel teased by emphasizing on the word "Hard", but never once back away. He just kept on going and there was no way of stopping him.

Believe me when I say it was hard alright. Deep down inside, I knew how wrong it would be for me to let this happen, and I had to put a stop to it before things got any further.

_**"Cas...we shouldn't...Ahh...be doing this. You said...Oh God!..."** _

_**"Forget what I said...earlier"**_ , Castiel said as he lifted me up and guided my legs around his waist and pressed himself harder against me,  ** _"Want you...now!"_**

Castiel was really making it very hard for me to say no, nonetheless, I couldn't give in to temptation.

_**"Cas...Want you too, so badly...But...we should stop...this isn't the way I want this to happen between us."** _

Castiel lowered me down to the ground and slowly pulled himself away,  _ **"Fuck! I'm so sorry."**_   He turned away and leaned himself down against the counter and let out a sigh,  _ **"Fuck!**_ "

The sexual tension between us was something that was beyond our control. I knew Castiel felt bad about what almost happened. However, it didn't change that fact that we both wanted this, and I for one was as much to blame for letting things escalate this far.

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around Castiel's waist from behind and gently rested my chin on his shoulder,  _ **"There's no need to be sorry, Cas. Just so you know, I wanted this just as much as you did."**_

Castiel took a deep breath before speaking,  _ **"I know...but it doesn't change the fact that I could have controled things in a better manner."**_

I smiled and turned Castiel over so that he was facing me,  _ **"You're probably right. We could have handled things better. But for what it's worth, I'm glad this happened."**_

Castiel looked surprised at my admission,  _ **"Really?"**_

_**"Yeah, really."** _

_**"But why?"**_ , he asked.

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	16. Chapter 16

_**Flashback to earlier that evening from Dean's POV...** _

_**"But why?"**_ , he asked.

_**"Because, now I know that without a doubt, that I want this. All of this. You..."** _

Castiel remained silent while I spoke.

**_"For the first time in my life, I know exactly what I need to do in order to get what I want."_ **

**_"And what would that be?"_ **

_**"I need to be honest, Cas. I need to be honest with you and with myself if there is ever a chance of this becoming more. But as you said before, you need so time to figure things out, and that perfectly acceptable. However, that's not the only thing that's weighing in on our relationship at the moment."** _

_**"What do you mean?"** _

**_"All in due time, Cas. I'm sorry that I can't tell you tonight, but just like you, I also need time to sort few things out. I promise you that it has nothing to do with the way I feel about you, Cas. Cause I know that without a doubt, that my feelings for you are growing stronger. And tonight...You just confirmed how strong those feelings actually are for me."_ **

Castiel smiled.

_**"So, how about we continue where we left off and pretend like nothing happened and enjoy the rest of our evening together?"** _

_**"I would like that very much, Dean. However, I'm not going to forget what happened, or as I should say, almost happened between us, as like you Mr. Winchester, I know exactly what I need to do know in order to get what I want."** _

_**"Oh, and what would that be?"**_ , I asked, mocking Castiel's own words.

_**"All in due time, Mr. All in due time."** _

__

* * *

**(Dean's POV)**

_**"Yeah, I might have helped out a little, but this, this was all you, Cas. I can't thank you enough for inviting me over tonight. It's been so long since I've enjoy the company of another person, that I've almost forgot what it was like."** _

_**"Yeah, tell me about it. I was almost afraid that I was going to bore you to death."**_   Castiel giggled as he cleared off the kitchen table.

_**"You, Castiel Novak, are far from being boring. You're amazing. You need any help with the dishes?"**_ , I offered.

_**"Sure, thanks!"**_ , Castiel accepted with a smiled,  _ **"If you keep saying that I'm amazing, maybe someday, I might actually start believing you."**_

_**"Then I guess I'll just have to keep reminding you"**_ , I smiled as I passed along the dirty dishes to Castiel so he could place them in the dishwasher.

Castiel was smiling the whole time we were doing the dishes together. We kept at it until the entire kitchen thoroughly cleaned and spotless.

I was getting pretty late and I had to be at work bright and early in the morning. As much as I didn't want to leave Castiel's apartment, I knew it was time for me to part ways and call it a night.

I walked over to the living room and grabbed my jacket off the back of the sofa and slowly made my way towards the door. Castiel noticed and immediately intervened.

_**"You're leaving so soon?"**_ , he asked looking disappointed.

_**"Yeah, I have to be at the office at six tomorrow morning."** _

_**"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot about that. You're one of the big boys."** _

I giggled **, _"Yeah, that!"_**

Saying goodbye to Castiel was awkward and it was clearly obvious that neither of us knew exactly what to expect after tonight.  _ **"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then?"**_

How lame was that for a goodbye? Why couldn't I just grab him right then and kiss him, hun? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

_**"Yeah, I guess..."** _

_**"Thanks again for dinner, Cas. It was amazing."** _

_**"Don't mention it."**_   Castiel answered and looked down at the ground,  ** _"So..."_**

_**"So...I guess this is goodbye, then..."** _

God! Why can't I just act normal for once?

_**"Yeah, I guess it is."** _

_**"Goodbye, Cas."**_  I smiled and stepped backwards.

_**"Goodbye, Dean."** _

With that, I turned around, and left.

I took my good old-time walking down the stairs from the third floor down, thinking back to each and every moment that Castiel and I shared together this evening. I smiled at the memories and wondered if ever I would be able to experience such wonderful memories with Castiel once I tell him the truth about the letters.

As much as I hated to admit it, I was worried. Worried that Castiel wouldn't understand why I couldn't come out and just tell him who I was. All I could now was pray to God and hope that in time, Castiel would be able to forgive me for lying to him all this time.

The one thing that I was positively sure about though, is that I was going to tell Castiel tomorrow no matter what. Cause after tonight, there was no way in hell that I spend another day lying to him. I reached inside my jacket pocket and made sure the final letter from anonymous was still safely tucked away in my inside pocket. I pulled it out for a moment and traced my fingers slowly over the word  _"Angel"_   that was written across the envelope, ** _"My Angel_** ", I whispered to myself before placing the letter back in my jacket.

Just as I was about to push the door open to leave the building, I heard Castiel calling out my name from afar.

_**"Dean, Dean!"**_ , he called out. I turned around and saw Castiel running down the stairs in my direction.

**_"Cas! Is everything, okay? Did I forget something?"_**   I asked as Castiel came to a complete and utter stop right in front of me.

_**"Yeah"**_ , he panted,  _ **"You forgot..."**_ , he panted some more and swallowed hard before he continued,  _ **"You forgot to kiss me good night."**_   Castiel gently cupped both sides of my face and pulled me in for slow, mesmerizing kiss.

_**"Wow! That was unexpected."**_ , I admitted as I pulled away slightly.

Castiel chuckled,  _ **"In a good way I hope."**_

_**"Definitely in a good way"**_ , I informed him and pulled him in for another quick smooch.

I felt Castiel slightly shiver against me,  _ **"Cas, you're freezing. You should get back inside before you catch a cold."**_

The entrance wasn't a very well heated area, and Castiel had nothing but a t-shirt on,  _ **"Yeah, I guess you're probably right."**_

_**"Here"**_ , I gestured him to get closer,  _ **"Let me warm you up for a minute."**_

Castiel took bait and wrapped his arms around my waist under the jacket and laid his head against my chest,  _ **"There! Now you're all warm."**_

_**"Thanks Dean."** _

_**"Always."** _

We stayed wrapped up in each other for a few more minutes before Castiel tilted his head to the right so he could look up at me,  _ **"Guess I should probably let you leave now"**_ , he smiled.

_**"Yeah, I should go before I change my mind about leaving."** _

_**"So, I'll see you tomorrow? At work I mean? We could, I don't know...maybe grab a cup of coffee or something?"**_ , Castiel offered.

_**"I would like that very much, Cas. There's something that I would love to talk to you about tomorrow. Maybe we could met up after work and discuss it?"** _

There it was. The moment of truth. If Castiel agrees to this, that would mean at exactly six o'clock tomorrow evening, I would be telling him everything.

_**"Oh, yeah. I'm not sure I can make it tomorrow. Gabriel's been at me all week about the office party that he's dying to go to. I kinda already told him that I wasn't interested in going, but...but I think I should probably go, you know? Just in case he needs a wingman or something."** _

_**"Oh, okay."** _

_**"Are you going?"** _

_**"No, I don't think so. I don't usually do well at office functions."** _

_**"Me neither, So...rain check maybe?"** _

_**"Yeah, of course. So, I'll see you tomorrow, then."** _

_**"You can count on it. Night, Dean."**_   Castiel kissed me one last time before he pulled himself out of my jacket and backed away.

_**"Night, Cas."** _

I walked out of the building and waved over at Castiel who was watching me walk away. Once he was out of sight, I started thinking of another way that I could tell Castiel about my secret. The only other solution that I could think of was to give Castiel the letter that I wrote. Once again, I reach inside my jacket pocket to pull out the letter, only to find that my letter wasn't there anymore. I panicked and check over my other pockets and the letter wasn't there. It was gone. I must have dropped it back at the apartment, and Castiel must have...

_**"Shit!"** _

* * *

**(Castiel's POV)**

I smiled as I watched Dean walk away, feeling very happy about the evening we shared together. Just as I was about to go back upstairs to my apartment, I notice a single white envelope laying across the floor where Dean stood just a few minutes ago. I figured it was Dean's.

I picked it up and hurried out the door to see if I could still see Dean. Unfortunately, he was already gone and nowhere to be found.

I went back inside and hurried up the stairs and decided that I would just give it to Dean when I saw him at work in the morning. I made nothing of it and threw it on the counter and when on with my usually evening rituals. I locked the door and grabbed a glass of water and headed towards my bedroom to catch up on some reading.

Just as I was about to walk by the counter, I noticed the name that was written across the envelope. It was addressed to: _ **My Angel.**_

I didn't understand. As far as my brain went, it had basically short-circuited after reading the name on the envelope. I picked it up and looked it over a few times, just to make sure that I wasn't imagining all this.

The first thing I questioned was why would Dean have a letter addressed to Angel? To me? He never denied that he read my letters, however he never admitted to reading them either.

I pulled out a stool from the counter and sat down and tried to make sense out of all of this, and the only logical explanation that I could possibly come up with was that Dean must have a found the letter back at the office and somehow, had forgotten to give it to me. Maybe he just forgot about the letter all together.

Or was I just making excuses for Dean, because I didn't want to believe that Dean could hide something like this from me.

There was just something just didn't feel right about this. Something that I couldn't explain.

I stared at the letter for god knows how long before I decided to open it up and just read it. Despite that fact that I felt guilty for doing so, I picked up the envelope and slid my finger along the edge, being careful not to cut myself in process, and pulled the envelope open.

Inside, was a letter.

A new letter.

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down and pulled the letter out of the envelope and opened it up. After reading the first line, I paled and raised a hand and covered my mouth. I stood there motionless and bewildered at what I had just discovered.

_**"Dear Angel, My name is Dean Winchester, and I am the one that has written you all those love letters as your anonymous..."** _

_**"How could this happen? How could I have not known?",**_  I asked myself as I dropped the letter on the counter and picked up my half empty glass of water and threw it across the room against the door, where it shattered to pieces,  _ **"Son of a bitch."**_

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	17. Chapter 17

**(Castiel's POV)**

To say that I was angry after ready Dean's letter was putting it rather mildly. I was infuriated and consumed with anger.

After the initial shock of finding out that Dean was indeed My Anonymous, I grabbed the waste basket from the kitchen and walked over to the door and picked up the pieces of shattered glass off the floor, being extremely careful not to cut myself in the process. Once the floor was cleared off of all the evidence of my latest outburst caused by my lack of better judgement, I grabbed a roll of paper towels from under the sink and patted the floor dry, tossing the soiled towels in the waste basket before pushing it aside.

I sat for a few minutes with my back leaning up against the counter and desperately tried to make sense out of everything that had happened tonight. But somehow, nothing made sense to me anymore.

I was normally a calm and collective person when it came to controlling my anger. I was dealt with stressful and uptight situations on a daily basis. With corporate asshole breathing down your neck, telling you that  ** _"you better make sure you meet that dead line"_** , or  ** _"you better make sure you seal that deal or else"_** , was enough to infuriate anyone beyond their control. Despite that fact that on many occasions I had to bite my tongue back from telling them off, or hold myself back from punching the stupid smirks off their faces, I always managed to find a way to keep myself from boiling over and kept my raging temper under control.

However, this...reading this letter pushed me right over the edge.

This was something entirely different and something that I've never felt before.

I wondered if this is what it felt like to have a broken heart...

_**"How possibly stupid could I have been to not see this coming?"**_ , I asked myself repeatedly as I got up off of the floor and took a seat at the counter. I buried my face in my hands and took a few deep breaths to try to calm myself down before reading over the letter again.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, I slowly pulled my hands away from my face, and stared at the letter that laid there, flat-out on the counter.

I knew it was stupid of me to wanna read the letter over again. The right thing to do would have been to crumble it up, toss it in the trash, and just forget about it and simply move on. But there was something...something about Dean's letter that made me wanna read it one last time...

I grabbed the letter off of the counter and headed straight to my room. I didn't even bother to change out of my cloths before getting under the covers, cause honestly, what would it change anyways? It's not like a change of clothing would change the fact that Dean lied to me for an entire week, or that he lied to me about who he was, and somehow managed to use this to his own advantage to try to get me to fall in love with him.

Which almost worked, until...this letter.

I laid back and tried very hard to get comfortable as I got ready to read My Anon- I mean, Dean's letter one last time before I made a decision whether or not I could get past this somehow, and forgive him for lying to me and pretending to be somebody that he wasn't.

I took a deep breath and started reading the letter out loud, hoping to find something written inside this letter that could possibly change my mind about giving up on something that for the first time in my life, felt real.

Our love for each other felt real. Dean felt real...

The question now is, can I get over the all the lies and the betrayal the happened...?

_**"Dear Angel, My name is Dean Winchester, and I am the one that has written you all those love letters as your anonymous.** _

_**If you're reading this now, that probably means that I wasn't able to see passed my fear of being reject by you and tell you face to face about my identity. Guess that makes me a coward in every sense of the word.** _

_**I'm very sorry that I had no option other than this letter that I wrote today. I wish that I could have drawn up the courage to march up to you and tell everything that I felt for you from day one. Things could have been so different between us. Instead I chose to hide behind the letters, which was probably a bad decision on my behalf, cause now, I might have lots the only person that I've ever truly loved...** _

_**That's you My Angel...** _

_**"Sometimes it's hard to love someone because you're so afraid of losing them." ~ Anonymous.** _

_**But loving you, My Angel, was one of the easiest thing in the world for me. It was like breathing air into my lungs...** _

_**You're probably feeling very hurt and angry at me for lying to you about who I was and for keeping my anonymity a secret. That's completely understandable considering the circumstances of the relationship that we have together, or maybe I should say had...** _

_**Because now, I probably ruined any chance of a relationship with you by keeping my identity a secret, and for what it's worth, I'm truly am sorry...but sometimes, sorry just isn't enough...** _

_**My intention was never to hurt you, My Angel. All I wanted was to be able to love you like you deserved to be loved. I was so scared that once you found out who I was, that your feeling for me would change and that you wouldn't feel the same way about me anymore. I want you to know, that no matter what you decide after today, that my feelings for you will never change, My Angel. I will love you no matter what you decide.** _

_**All I can do now is pray to god that it's not to late for us.** _

_**"Sometimes you love something so much that it hurts to leave it, but you must. Sometimes it hurts too much to hold on to that thing you love. And sometimes you let go of what you love because it hurts, but then just sometimes you get it back and live happily ever after." ~ Anonymous.** _

_**That's all I can hope for now...** _

_**I know this isn't the happy ending you'd hoped for, and honestly, it's not the way I wanted things to end between us.** _

_**After reading this letter, you're probably never going to want to see me again or listen to anything that I have to say to say to you, but still, I need you to know that I meant every single word I wrote to you in those letters.** _

_**"True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you." ~ Anonymous.** _

_**I love you, My Angel...That's why I'm letting you go...** _

_**"I know that we can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish that could be able to. To relive a happy moment, or to say goodbye one last time, but we never can, because the sands of time will continue to fall, and we can't turn the hour-glass over." ~ Anonymous.** _

_**I'm not going to beg for your forgiveness, nor am I going to beg you for a second chance. That would be very foolish and very selfish of me to ask this of you considering everything that I've done to cause this in the first place. I don't believe that I deserve your love after what I have done.** _

_**I broke us...** _

_**"When you are in love and you get hurt, it's like a cut. It will heal, but there will always be a scar." ~ Anonymous.** _

_**I have no one else to blame other that myself for what happened between us. But as the quote says, there will always be a scar. But scars heal, My Angel. I hope that with time, I will be able to reflect back on this day as something other than the day I broke your heart. Only time will tell how long that's going to take for us to get passed this, and to heal our broken hearts.** _

_**But one thing for sure though, is that I am never going to stop loving you or forget you, Castiel Novak. And despite everything that has happened between us, You will always and forever be... My Angel.** _

_**I love you...** _

_**And for what it's worth, I truly am sorry...** _

_**Your Anonymous,** _

_**Dean Winchester.** _

I took the letter and placed it on the night table and turned off the lights. I laid back and thought about the things that Dean said in his letter. I wiped away the tears from my eyes and buried my face under the covers, hoping that sleep would finally catch up with me at some point and that I could forget about all of this when I woke up in the morning.

However, that never happened...

**_To Be Continued...OXO_ **


	18. Chapter 18

**(Castiel's POV)**

I had one of two choices to choose from...

Stay home and give Dean the satisfaction of knowing that I let this fucked up situation get to me, or go to work and face this fucked up situation head on and prove to Dean that I'm not about to let this, or whatever you wanna call it ruin my life.

Decisions, decisions...

After countless hours of debating whether or not I should call in sick today (which was very tempting after being sleep deprived for over twenty-four hours), I finally pulled myself out of bed and started getting ready for work.

I was going to face Dean...I can do this...I have to do this...

I looked at the time and noticed that it was already a quarter past seven and Gabriel should be arriving any minute to pick me up. I fished off getting dressed in record time and took a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror in the process. The first thing that I noticed was that my shirt wasn't even buttoned up correctly. I scrambled quickly to undo them and fix them up properly. The second thing that I notice was that I was missing a tie. I reached over and grabbed one from the dresser, pulled it around my neck, and didn't even bother tying it up. Cause what good would that do anyway, right? It's not like it's going to change the fact that I look like total shit this morning no matter what I did to try to change it. Cause if my latest fashion statement didn't give it away, then the dark circles around my eyes and swollen eyelids would definitely do the trick.

I was a mess...

I grabbed my briefcase off the counter and headed out the door.

As soon as I got down stairs, I noticed that Gabriel was already waiting in front of the building for me with his car. I took a deep breath before entering the car, and hoped that Gabriel would notice anything different about me.

 _ **"Jesus Christ! What the fuck happened to you?"**_ , was the first thing that came out of Gabriel's mouth as I entered the car. I should have known that I wouldn't be able to hide anything from Gabriel.

_**"I couldn't sleep last night."** _

Gabriel gave me a concerned look,  _ **"Honestly, man. I think you should consider staying home today. I could lie and tell there you're sick or something?"**_

I shook my head,  _ **"I'll be fine. Just...don't worry about it, okay?"**_

I wasn't ready to tell Gabriel about everything that happened to me in the last couple day. Don't get me wrong, Gabriel is a great guy and one of my best friends. But when it comes to my personal life, Gabriel's made it his purpose in life to remind me of all the stupid mistakes that I've made with my past relationship, and the last thing that I need today is for Gabriel to make fun of me because of what happened with Dean.

 _ **"Alright, man. If you say so..."**_ , Gabriel frowned.

_**"Trust me, I'm perfectly fine, Gabe. There's nothing to worry about."** _

We drove for a few minutes before Gabriel decided to stopped by the local coffee shop drive-through to grab himself a cup of coffee to go. He ordered his usual cup of dark roast with two creams and one sugar and then turned over to me and asked if I wanted anything.

 _ **"You want anything, Novak? My treat?"**_ , he offered and smiled. Normally, I would never pass up on the opportunity of having mocha latte with extra whipped cream with the pleasure of not having to pay for it. But today I didn't feel like much of anything, yet alone coffee. All I could think about was the stupid letter that I found.

**_"No, that's okay. I'm not in the mood for coffee today."_ **

_**"Okay, stop bull shitting me, Novak. What the hell is going on with you? And don't even try to say that it's nothing because you're lying."** _

I knew that Gabriel wouldn't let this go until I gave him something to go on. I thought about what I could tell Chad so that he would at least drop it for the time being, because honestly, I wasn't ready to talk about what happened with Dean. However I came up empty-handed and decided to go with the same old lame excuse.

 _ **"It's nothing, Gabe. Just drop it, okay?"**_   I made it sound like I was angry and hoped the Gabriel would get the message loud and clear that I wasn't in the mood to talk about whatever it was that was bothering me.

Gabriel looked down at me and half smiled,  _ **"Cas, whatever it is that's bothering you, you know you can talk to me. I'm a good listener."**_

Gabriel was right. In the ten years that I've known Gabriel, he was always the first person to lend a sympathetic an ear and listen carefully to what ever it was you had to say, and especially to someone who was ready to talk about their problems. But I'm not sure Gabriel would understand where I'm coming from with this...

 _ **"Gabe, you wouldn't understand"**_ , I explained and turned my eyes over and looked out the passenger side window.

_**"Then make me understand, Cas. Let me help with whatever it is you're going through."** _

_**"It's complicated, Gabe."**_   I tried to hold back the tears from falling from my eyes, but I was doing an awful job succeeding at it. The last thing I wanted was for Gabriel to see my crying. I was a man after all. But sometimes, even the strongest man, is not able to hide the fact that he's totally heart-broken over something that he had no control over in the first place.

**_"Not everything is as complicated as it seems, Cas. Maybe if you talk about with someone, it might help."_ **

**_"Talking about it is not going to help. Nothing is going to help me...It's over and I hate him!"_** , I cried out.

Gabriel was taken aback by my sudden outburst. He pulled over the car on the side of the road and turned off the engine.

 _ **"Why did you stop? We're going to be late for work."**_  I pointed out and tried my best to cover up my sudden mood change.

 _ **"Alright, Novak. That's enough! We are not going to the office until you tell me what the hell is bothering you this morning."**_   I had never seen Gabriel this determined before in my entire life.

_**"Gabe, please...Just let this go. I need to get to the office before we get in trouble for being late."** _

_**"I don't give a flying fuck if we're late. We are not leaving this car until you start talking."** _

_**"Then I'll walk."**_   I turned over and tried to open the passenger door to leave, but Gabriel beat me to the punch and decided to play dirty and use the child lock feature on his car to lock me in from the inside,  _ **"Gabe, unlock this door immediately before I call the cops and tell them that I am being held captive against my own free will by my psychopath best friend, which happens to be a Milton."**_

_**"You wouldn't dare!"** _

_**"Try me!"**_ , I retorted.

_**"I hate break it to you, Novak, but you do know that your grand father, which also happens to be the chief of the Lawrence police department, will never believe that I'm holding you captive inside my car."** _

_**"I'll make him believe me!"** _

_**"Nice try, Novak, but I'm not giving up until you start talking."** _

_**"Fine! I guess we're just gonna sit here all day and wait for hell to freeze over, 'cause I'm not talking."** _

_**"Fine by me! Have it your way. At least I have my coffee to hold me over until you break."** _

_**"What makes you think that I'm gonna break?"** _

_**"You will. Trust me!"**_ , Gabriel gave me a mischievous smile and turned on the radio and started singing as loud as he could, even if he didn't know half of the words to the song that was playing. He knew how much I hated when I did that.

 ** _"What are you doing? You know how much that annoys me when you do that. Turn that damn thing off before I break it!"_**   And once again, there I was. Letting my anger get the best of me.

_**"You wont break it! And what I'm doing is making you break. Just a few more minutes of this, and you're gonna start talking off the pretty little mouth of yours."** _

_**"You can really be an asshole sometimes, you know that?"**_ , I said as I tried to shut off the radio.

Gabriel grabbed my arm and stopped me before I even managed to get within a feet from the radio,  _ **"Not gonna happen"**_ , he said and started singing louder.

 _ **"Move!"**_   I tried to free my arm from Gabriel's grip, but was unsuccessful.

_**"Nope! We're not done here!"** _

_**"Let go of my arm, Gabe!"**_ , I screamed at him.

Gabriel laughed,  _ **"Ain't gonna happen until you spill it."**_

_**"Gabe, get your fucking hand off of me before I fucking punch that stupid smirk right off your pretty little face!"** _

_**"Oh, did I hit a nerve, Novak?"**_ , Gabriel teased and released my arm from his hold.

_**"Shut up! Asshole!"** _

_**"Do you know what I think?"**_ , Gabriel asked.

_**"I don't give a damn what you think. Just let me out of here."** _

_**"Fine! Just hear my out and when I'm done, you can go or do whatever it is you wanna do."** _

I didn't say anything. I just sat back and listened to what Gabriel had to say.

_**"Okay, so here's what I think. I think that you're afraid to tell me what bothering you, because you think that I'm gonna do or say something stupid like I always do. I can see how serious and difficult this is for you Cas, because I've never seen you so torn up about anything in my whole life. I can't promise that I wont laugh, or maybe tease you about it, but what I can offer you is my undivided attention and I promise you that whatever it is that you're so torn up about, I am not going to judge you or make fun of you because of it. So, please let me help you. I hate seeing you like this. And you're right. I might be an asshole something, well...most of the time, but this asshole cares about his best friend."** _

Gabriel unlocked the door and left me to decide for myself whether or not I was going to leave of start talking.

_**"Do you have any idea how much I hate you right now?"** _

_**"You love me and you know it!"**_ , he smiled.

I did love Gabriel. He's always been like a brother to me. I wasn't sure how I was going to explain everything that happened to Gabriel without going into grave details, so I decided to make things easier for me and go with the obvious and just let him see for himself,  _ **"Don't make me regret this Gabe. I swear to God..."**_

Gabriel's smile disappeared and he simply nodded.

I reached down and grabbed my briefcase and pulled out the letters I got from My Anonymous and handed them over to him, with the exception of the last letter.

 _ **"What's this?"**_ , he asked, curiously looking at the letters I just handed over to him.

_**"Just read them, and don't ask any questions."** _

And so he did.

I sat back while Gabriel read the letters and closed my eyes, I wanted to forget about everything that happened this week. The letters, Dean... But as hard as I tried to forget about it, I simply couldn't...I opened my eyes and decided to watch Gabriel as he read through the letters. I noticed his facial expression change after each letter that he finished. He looked over at me a few times while reading them and gave me a reassuring smile. Once he was done with the letters, he handed them back over to and took a deep breath, _ **"Wow! I had no idea. This is some romantic shit, Novak!"**_

I sadly smiled back at Gabriel,  _ **"Yeah...It was..."**_

_**"I don't see what the problem is here. Novak. This guy, anonymous, who ever the hell he is, really seems to care a lot about you."** _

_**"Yeah, that what I thought until..."**_ , I paused, 'cause I wasn't sure how to explain the next part of this crazy, fucked up situation to Gabriel. I took a deep breath before I continued,  ** _"...until I found out who he was."_**

_**"So, he was right all along, then?"** _

_**"Well...Not exactly."** _

_**"I'm sorry, Cas. I don't get what the problem is here."**_   Gabriel was confused. This is where things got complicated.

_**"Gabe, there's something else that I didn't tell you about, and this is probably going to shock the hell out of you."** _

Gabriel had a worried look on his face again,  _ **"Okay?"**_

_**"Something happened last night. Something that made me question my feelings for this guy."** _

_**"Okay, now you really have me curious. Come on spill!"** _

_**"Alright, but before I do, you have to promise me that you're not going to flip out and do that whole I told you so crap that you always do."** _

_**"I won't just tell me!"** _

_**"Promise me!"** _

_**"I promise! Now stop torturing me and tell me! I'm dying here!"** _

I giggled,  _ **"Okay, here goes nothing. So after that last letter, I did go on the rooftop and met up with my anonymous admirer."**_

_**"You dirty boy!"** _

_**"Gabriel! Stop that!"** _

_**"Alright, go on"**_ , he insisted, and so I did.

_**"We met up and he was everything that I imagined he would be. He was so nice and so romantic. The things that he said to me...Lets just say that I was totally falling for this guy without knowing who he even was at the time. And after we kissed..."** _

_**"Wait! Rewind that! You kissed him?"**_ , Gabriel questioned.

I nodded,  _ **"Actually, he kissed me."**_

_**"Oh this is so cliché! Sound like that damn soap opera, what's it called again? Days of something?"** _

_**"Do you want me to finish the story or not?"**_ , I asked and waited for Gabriel's answer.

_**"Sorry, go on..."** _

_**"Okay, so after the kiss, I asked him to tell me who he was and he refused to do so. He said that he was afraid that if I knew who he was, that I wouldn't feel the same way about him. And before I knew it, he was gone and the was it."** _

_**"So, just like that, he left?"** _

_**"Yeah, pretty much, but that's not the point of this story. After he left, I went back to my office but never made it there, cause I heard someone crying. I went to check it out and found Dean crying in his office."** _

_**"Dean? As in Dean Winchester?"**_ , Gabriel repeated to make sure he understood things correctly.

 _ **"The one and only..."**_ , I confirmed his assumption.

_**"Wow! Okay..."** _

_**"So, I knocked on his door and asked him if he was okay. And I could clearly see that he wasn't so I offered him, well asked him if he wanted to grab a cup of coffee and talk about his problems."** _

_**"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a minute here. Are you trying to tell me that you asked Dean Winchester out for coffee? Or am I getting this all wrong here?"**_ , Gabriel asked and had that _"I told you so"_   look on his face.

 _ **"Gabe, you promised"**_ , I reminded him of his promise.

_**"Sorry...My bad!"** _

I rolled my eyes at Gabriel,  _ **"As I was saying, I offered to take him out for coffee and he kindly accepted. I went back to my office to grab a few things before leaving, when I realized that I had just asked Dean Winchester out for coffee. I kinda had a freak out about it and almost back out of it completely."**_

 _ **"Why did you freak out about it?"**_ , Gabriel asked.

I blushed and decided to not answer his question. Because the reason was obvious.

 ** _"Oh my god! All this time and you never told me that you had the hots for Winchester. I knew it!"_** , Gabriel celebrated his victory.

 _ **"Shut up! I knew that I should have told you anything."**_   Gabriel's reaction confirmed my doubts.

 _ **"Look, I'm sorry, but I knew for the moment you and Winchester met, that you had the hots for him. The look on your**_ _ **face when he walked into that board room on his first day..."**_ Gabriel chuckled,  _ **"Man, I thought you were going to jump**_ _ **him right there in front of everyone."**_

 _ **"I wasn't that bad."**_   I thought back to that day.

_**"Yeah you were. There was so much eye sex going on in the board room, that I had to jerk myself off after the meeting."** _

_**"You did not jerk yourself off after that meeting."** _

_**"Do you remember you invited me over to pub for lunch and I said that I had something important that I had to take**_ _ **care of?"**_ , Gabriel gave me a vicious smile.

I thought back and I remember Gabriel's did actually say that he had something important to take care of,  _ **"So, you're saying...That...You mean to tell me that...You're not even gay you moron!"**_

_**"I might not be gay, however I do enjoy a little male on male acting from time to time. I think that it's kinda hot the way you two where going at it!"** _

_**"You're insane, Milton."** _

_**"And you have to hots for Winchester! So that makes us even!"** _

I growled,  _ **"Fine! Anyways, as I was saying, after we met up in the lobby, there was a change of plans. I could see how nervous Dean was about going out for coffee with me and I was almost afraid that he was going to back out. I also had second thoughts about it. I had just kiss a complete stranger just a few minutes earlier and now I was going out for coffee with Dean."**_

_**"So, you felt guilty for going out with Dean because of this anonymous guy?"** _

_**"Well...yes and no. I felt guilty because going out with Dean felt like I was cheating on my anonymous. However, when Dean confessed that he liked me, as in more that just a friend, I started questioning my relationship with my anonymous and before I knew it, I was asking Dean over to my apartment for dinner."** _

_**"You mean you're telling me that Dean was over at your apartment last night? For dinner?"** _

_**"Yes..."** _

_**"Holy shit! You move fast! So, how did it go? Did you tell him that you had the hots for him too?"** _

_**"In other words, yes. I did tell him that I enjoyed spending time with him, but I also told him about my anonymous."** _

_**"How did that go?"** _

_**"Well, surprisingly, Dean took it very well. Which concerned me at first. But that changed when something accidentally slipped out of his mouth. He called me Angel."** _

**_"Are you trying to tell me that Dean knew about the letters and your anonymous guy the whole time you were with him?"_ **

_**"I accused him of sneaking into my office and reading my letters. When he tried to explain himself to me, and I cut him off and told him that I understood why he did it. That was my first mistake. I should have given him the chance to properly explain himself. After that, everything that happened was beyond my control."** _

_**"I'm confused."** _

_**"I admitted to Dean that I was attracted to him, and despite my lack of self-control, which seem to be happening more and more lately, I grad Dean and started kissing him."** _

_**"I always knew that you had it in you, Novak."** _

I shook my head in disbelief,  _ **"Yeah well, things ended badly when Dean pushed me away for the second time that evening. At first, I thought it was because I told him about my feelings for the other guy. But that wasn't it, not at all...I swear Gabe, he tried explaining himself to me and I stopped him, and then..."**_ , I stopped, because relieving the events of last night was starting to become too much for me to handle. I inhaled and exhaled a few times to regain my composure and continued,  _ **"We had dinner, and it was amazing! We laughed, we kissed. For God sake! We almost had sex in my kitchen!"**_ , I buried my face in my hands as I cried.

Gabriel remained quiet and attentive. He smiled and gave me a comforting pat on the back,  _ **"It's okay, you can stop if you want."**_

I sniffled a few times and wiped the tears away from my eyes,  _ **"I'm okay..."**_

_**"Good!"** _

_**"Before Dean left, we came to an understanding that we both needed a little time to sort out a few things in our lives before deciding on whether or not we were going to see each other again. Dean agreed that he would give all the time that I needed to sort things out if it meant that we could be together in the end. As much as I enjoyed the letters from my anonymous, at that point, I had already made my decision about who I wanted to be with. I wanted to** _ _**tell Dean right then and there that he was the one I wanted to be with, and that all I needed was a little time so that I could break things off with my anonymous so that we could be together. Instead, I decided to do the right thing and tell my anonymous about Dean, and explain to him that as much as I enjoyed the letters and romantic gestures, that Dean was the one that I wanted to be with."** _

I turned over and looked at my best friend straight in the eyes, and confessed my true feelings for Dean,  _ **", After spending last night with Dean, I knew that without a doubt in my mind, that he and I were meant to be together. Being around him, being with him, kissing him...It just feels so right. It made me feel alive. And I knew..."**_ , I swallowed hard,  _ **"I knew that this was real. I was falling in love with him. You must think that I'm crazy."**_

Gabriel let out a sigh,  _ **"Not at all, Cas. Surprised? Yeah. But crazy? I wouldn't go that far."**_

_**"Well it's doesn't matter anymore anyways because it's over, and Dean and I are through."** _

_**"Wait, what do you mean it's over?"** _

_**"Remember when I said things were complicated?"**_ , I asked Gabriel and waited for him to respond.

_**"Yeah?"** _

I reached back inside my briefcase and pulled out that last letter from my anonymous, the one the Dean dropped on his way out of my building and handed it over to Gabriel,  _ **"This is why it's over. Dean dropped this on his way out of my apartment."**_

Gabriel took the letter out of my hand and immediately started reading it. After a few lines, I noticed him mouthing a few words like  _"Oh my God!_ ", and  _"What the fuck"_. I could also see this letter was making Gabriel angry. When he finished off reading the letter, he handed it back over to me,  ** _"Cas, I'm so sorry..."_**

_**"It's fine. Like I said, it's over now, anyways. I just wanna forget about the whole thing and pretend like it never happened."** _

_**"But, Cas..."**_  I could see that Gabriel was getting emotional,  _ **"Are you at least gonna give him the chance to explain himself?"**_

_**"What difference would that make anyways? I'm not even sure if he knows that he dropped this letter on his way. For all I know, he probably doesn't even had a cue that I know about his secret. Anyways, It's still not going to change the fact that he lied to me for an entire week about who he was, about the letters..."** _

_**"I know, but...Just think about it, okay? Don't make a decision based on your angry. Think about how he might feel** _ _**about this."** _

_**"Are you taking his side on this?"**_ , I asked angrily, because I thought that Gabriel of all people would have understood where I was coming from.

_**"No, Cas. I'm not taking anyone's side here. I'm just pointing out that maybe Dean was scared of how you'd react when he told you about his secret. Listen, you're probably not going to wanna hear this, but you did kinda treat him badly, Cas. You didn't give him anything to believe otherwise."** _

_**"So, what you're saying is that this is all my fault, and if I treated him better in the first place, that he might have been more open about telling me about his feelings for me in the first place?"** _

_**"Cas, I'm not blaming anyone for this. I'm just trying to see things from his point of view."** _

_**"Like I said, it doesn't matter anymore. Can we just go to the office and get to work now?"** _

Gabriel nodded and started the engine. He didn't push on any further. We didn't talk for the rest of the ride until we reached the office. Gabriel parked his car in his usual spot, grabbed his things out of the back seat, stepped out of the vehicle, and waited for me to do the same. I grabbed my briefcase and stepped out of the car and walked over to Gabriel who was waiting for me a few feet way to go inside the building. He locked his car doors and together, we went straight inside.

Just as before we reached the security desk to sign in with our badges, Gabriel stopped me,  _ **"Cas, I...If you need anything, I'm always here, okay? You know? To talk or something..."**_

 _ **"It's okay Gabe. I'll be fine. You don't need to worry about me."**  _I smiled.

We signed and I immediately headed towards my office before anyone noticed I was late. I looked back and saw that Gabriel wasn't following, so I asked him why,  _ **"Aren't you coming?"**_

 _ **"Yeah, in a minute. I forgot something in my car and I have to go get it. I'll be up in just a few minutes"**_ , he informed me.

_**"Okay, well...Hurry up. We need to get started on the branding of my new product."** _

_**"Of course. I wont be long."** _

I left Gabriel in the lobby and practically ran up to my office, hoping that I wouldn't bump into Dean along the way. I was lucky because Dean was no where in sight. I went inside my office and took a seat at my desk and thought about what Gabriel said to me back in the car, about if I was going to give Dean a chance to explain himself to me if the opportunity came up. I won't lie, because I thought about going over to his office and ask him flat-out why he decided to keep this secret from me. But I decided against it because god knows what I would tell him in the heat of the moment while everything is still fresh in my mind. So maybe avoiding him for now was the best option, until things settled down between us.

I pulled my files out of my briefcase and looked down at my watch, and notice that Gabriel's was taking a little longer that I expected him to. I brushed it off and got everything set up on my desk and waited for Gabriel to come back so we could get things together for our presentation on Monday.

I sat back and waited...waited...waited...

_**"Come on Gabe! Where the hell are you?"** _

* * *

**(Dean's POV)**

_**"Mr. Winchester? I have a Mr. Gabriel Milton here who would like to see you."** _

I wasn't up for meeting with anyone this morning. I barely got a few minutes of sleep last night, 'cause all I could think about was Castiel.

I had no idea whether or not Castiel found the letter I wrote and read it. Not knowing was driving me crazy. I thought about turning around and going back to check if the letter was still there, but I was so scared to face Castiel if he indeed found the letter and read it, that I decided to just go home and let things cool off for the time being.

I had no idea why Gabriel wanted to meet up with me this morning. And to be honest, I really didn't wanna know. Gabriel was Castiel's best friend and the first thing that came to mind was that Castiel told him about the letters and about what happened between us.

_**"Mary, could you please tell, Mr. Winchester that I am extremely busy this morning?"** _

_**"I have Mr. Winchester. But Mr. Milton said that it was very important that he spoke to you this morning."** _

My heart started pounding rapidly.

_**"I'm sorry, Mary. But I'm really not up to seeing anyone this morning. Please tell Mr. Milton that I am Sorry."** _

_**"Alright, I'll tell him. Just hold on for a minute."** _

I could over hear Gabriel talking to Mary in the background, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

_**"Mr. Winchester? Mr. Milton advised me that he wasn't going to leave here until you agreed to meet up with him."** _

_**"Fuck!"**_ , I hissed,  _ **"I'm sorry Mary. Just tell Mr. Milton to hold on for a minute, okay?"**_

_**"Will do, Mr. Winchester."** _

I hung up the phone and immediately started to panic.

Gabriel knows...

I took a few moments to get my thoughts together before I opened the door up for Gabriel. I didn't expect this to go well actually. Gabriel is very protective of Castiel and I'll probably be lucky if I get off with either a broken nose of a black eye. So, I prepared myself for the worst.

I took a deep breath and walked over to the door and opened it up.

Gabriel walked right passed me and took a set at my desk. Totally not what I expected from the Milton. I closed the door and walked over to my desk and took a seat in front of him and waited to hear what he had to say.

 _ **"I think you know why I'm here."**_ Gabriel seemed very confident that I knew what he was talking about.

 _ **"Look, Gabriel. I never ment for any of this to happen."**_   I could even look at Gabriel.

 ** _"So, you're the reason my best friend looks like shit today?"_** , he asked and made it very clear how Castiel was feeling about this whole messed up situation.

_**"So, he knows..."** _

Gabriel nodded, _ **"He knows..."**_

 _ **"How's he doing?"**_ , I asked and hoped that Gabriel would at least let me know Castiel was doing through all of this.

_**"How do you think he's doing? He's fucking devastated, Dean. I've never seen him this before. He's completely heart broken over you."** _

_**"Did he actually say that?"** _

_**"He didn't have to...So, what are you going to do about it?"**_ , Gabriel questioned.

_**"What do you mean, what am I going to do about it? Castiel probably wants nothing to do with me right now."** _

_**"So you're just going to sit there and give up on him? Just like that?"** _

_**"Gabriel, I don't know what you're getting at, but rest assure, that my feelings for Cas are not going to change anytime soon. I love him, Gabriel. I love him so much."**_   At the point, I couldn't keep it together, so I cried.  _ **"Cas means everything to me, and I fucked up... fucked up so bad..."**_

_**"Yeah, you did fuck up, Winchester. Big time! And now, Cas' paying the price, but...It's doesn't mean that it's over**_ _**between you two."** _

_**"Cas' never going to forgive me for lying to him."** _

_**"You won't know that until you talk to him."** _

_**"I wouldn't even know where to start."**_  I admitted that much to Gabriel.

 _ **"How about you start by tell him what inside your heart, Dean. Tell him exactly what he means to you. Tell him how sorry you are for what you have done. Tell him about each and every single letter that you wrote him and how much you love him. You do love him, right?"**_   Gabriel raised a brow.

I chucked and wiped my eyes dry,  _ **"I love him more that you could possibly imagine."**_

**_"Then tell him, Dean. Tell him everything, but most importantly, tell him without the letters."_ **

_**"What are you implying, Gabriel?"**_ , I interrogated.

_**"Okay, let me put it to you this way. You say all these wonderful and amazing things to Castiel in your letters. But did you ever tell him these things to him face to face?"** _

I just shook my head from side to side, _ **"No."**_

 _ **"Alright, then you need to tell him these things face to face. Stop hiding behind your letters. Cas needs to know that what's inside here"**_ , Gabriel pointed at my heart,  _ **"Comes from you, and not from a letter. Do you understand what I'm saying, or do I have to draw you a picture?"**_

 _ **"I get what you're saying."**_ , I agreed,  _ **"But do you think it's going to be enough? To win him back?**_

 _ **"There's only one way to find out"**_ , Gabriel smiled,  _ **"So, then. I will ask you again. What are you going to do about it?"**_

I took a second to think about my next response, because I wanted to make sure that what came out of my mouth next was the right answer.  _ **"I'm going to talk to Cas."**_ I got up from my chair and headed towards the door,  _ **"Is he in his office?"**_

Gabriel smiled and seemed happy with my decision,  _ **"Yeah, he's waiting for me to get started on our presentation for Monday. Go ahead. I'll make sure the**_ _ **coast is clear for the next hour or so."**_   Gabriel gestured me to go,  _ **"Don't blow this, Winchester."**_

Before I left, there was one last this I was curious about,  _ **"Gabriel, can I ask you something?"**_

_**"Sure."** _

_**"Why are you being so nice to me about all this?"** _

Gabriel seemed surprised by my question, but still, he answered it,  _ **"I wise man once told me that true love is never**_ _ **something to give up on. And when you find it, you fight for it, no matter what it takes."**_

I smiled,  _ **"Thanks, Gabriel."**_

 _ **"Alright, enough with all the sap. Go get your man, Winchester before I change my mind and punch your face instead."**_  Gabriel laughed.

_**"I'm going."** _

_**"Hey Dean?"** _

_**"Yeah, Gabriel?"** _

_**"Good luck!"** _

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with my story! I know it's been a while since I posted, but I will try my best to get more out there this week.

**(Castiel's POV)**

I was looking out the window, watching the morning commuter as they made their way up and down the streets of Lawrence, when I heard someone walk into my office.

 _ **"Finally, Gabe! It's about-"**_   I started saying but stopped in my tracks when I saw that it wasn't Gabriel standing at the door. It was Dean.  _ **"I have nothing to say to you,"**_   I fired at him as I circled around my desk, trying to put as much distance between us as possible.

 _ **"Cas, can you please just listen to what I have to say before shutting me out?"**_   But he didn't wait for me to answer before he walked into my office and closed the door shut. Dean was looking a little more confident than when I had last seen him.

 _ **"Why should I Dean? How do I know that what you say isn't just more lies?"**_   My heart pounded rapidly inside my chest and my hands slowly closed into fists. I crouched forward over my desk and closed my eyes to try to calm myself down. But it wasn't working. The anger I felt towards Dean for lying to me, for making me believe that he actually loved me and cared for me, was overtaking my body despite my best efforts to not let it show.

He didn't say anything. He kept his eyes locked on mine, holding us in an intense gaze.

 _ **"I think you should leave."**_   I walked over to the door, and placed my right hand on the knob, turning it slightly, but it didn't move. _ **"What the-"**_   I shook the door knob frantically, trying to get it to open, when I realized that the doors could be locked from both sides.  _ **"You locked us in here didn't you?"**_   I spat at him.  _ **"Why are you still manipulating me to be with you?"**_

Dean took a few steps back and his eyes closed tightly shut.  _ **"I didn't think that you'd talk to me otherwise."**_

 _ **"You're right about that! Son of a bitch!"**_   I growled more at the unmoving door knob than at Dean.  _ **"I can't believe you locked us in,"**_   and I started banging on the door.  _ **"Hey! We're locked in here! Came someone call the concierge to come let us out?"**_   I screamed loudly, hoping that someone would walk by and come to my rescue.

_**"Cas, no one's here."** _

_**"What do you mean, no one's here?"**_   I narrowed my eyes at him.

_**"I called a meeting for the entire floor. Everyone's in the board room on the first floor."** _

_**"You planned this all out didn't you?"** _

_**"What other choice did I have, Cas? I need to talk to you and this was the only way I could get you to listen to me,"**_   Dean admitted.

_**"Just because I'm here with you doesn't meant I have to listen. Plus, Gabe's meeting me to work on our presentation, so just so you know, he should be here any minute. He'll get me out of here."** _

Dean stalled and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.  _ **"Yeah, about that..."**_   he paused and took a few more steps back.  _ **"Gabe actually came by my office this morning and-"**_

 _ **"You're frickin kidding me!"**_   I placed both my hands and my forehead on the door and closed my eyes. I felt defeated. Not only did my best friend betray me by going to see Dean behind my back this morning, but he also had a lending hand in this whole orchestration.  _ **"I'm going to kill that asshole when I get out of here!"**_   I mumbled bitterly to the door.

_**"Don't be angry at Gabe for wanting to help you, or maybe I should say, help us..."** _

I turned around furiously and looked straight at Dean,  _ **"I hate to break it to you, but there is no 'US'. You made sure of that by keeping this stupid anonymous thing a secret."**_

Dean flinched as if he'd been slapped.  _ **"You're right...I made a mistake. All I'm asking is for a chance to explain to you my reasons for doing this. You don't have to say anything. All I'm asking is for you to listen..."**_   Dean took a step forward and pleaded with me,  _ **"Please, Cas..."**_

I was backed into a corner with nowhere to run. And as much as I hated the idea of rehashing all of this again (since I just went through it with Gabriel), I knew it was better to get it over with once and for all. So I listened...

Walking away from Dean towards the sofa, I gestured for him to follow. I got as comfortable as I could and looked back at him.  _ **"I'm listening,"**_   I breathed out reluctantly.

Dean took a seat next to me, keeping a respectable distance between us. He looked at me and sighed,  _ **"I really have no idea where to start..."**_

_**"How about at the beginning?"** _

Dean nodded,  _ **"Okay, Cas. First of all, I just want you to know that I love you, and despite everything that's happened between us in the last twenty-four hours, that hasn't changed and is never going to. I love you, Castiel Novak. I've known that for months, and I'll never stop loving you."**_

Hearing Dean say he loved me hurt more than I ever could have imagined. I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the tears from falling, _**"Dean, please don't say that..."**_

Dean nodded and continued,  _ **"I know that there's no excuse for what I've done. And you have every right to be angry at me for lying to you about the letters, but Cas...you have to understand that I couldn't just come up to you and tell you who I was."**_

_**"Why not, Dean? Why couldn't you have just told me how you really felt?"** _

_**"I was scared that when you found out who I was, you wouldn't feel the same way about me anymore,**_ " he shrugged and stared at the floor.

 _ **"So you decided to lie to me instead?"**_  I retorted angrily.

Even though he was looking down, I could still see that Dean's eyes were heavy with tears. I could see how hard this was for him to talk and it broke my heart to see him this way. I hated seeing him so defeated. It made me want nothing more than to leap forward, wrap my arms around him tightly, and tell him that everything was going to be okay. However, having to deal with fact that Dean lied to me and remembering so clearly how hurt I was when I read his  _"coming out"_   letter, prevented me from doing just that.

 _ **"Do you remember when I stopped by your office on Tuesday?"**_   Dean started, _ **"That was the first time I tried to tell you that I was your anonymous. I remember how disappointed you looked when you opened up the door and saw me standing there..."**_

* * *

**Flash Back...**

_"What do you want?"_

_"I - I just wanted to see if maybe-"_

_"Look, I'm in a hurry and I don't have time for small talk. If you're looking for the proposal I'll have it to you by the end of the day, Now, if you excuse me, I have a meeting to attend."_

**End Of Flashback...**

* * *

_**"...and you just assumed that I was there to pick up the proposal. I didn't say anything; I just figured I'd go along with it, because at the time, it felt like the right thing to do."** _

_**"Yeah, I remember that day"**_ , I sadly admitted.

_**"After you left, I went back to my office and thought about everything that I wanted to say but couldn't get myself to tell you face to face. So instead, I put all of those feelings on paper. The letters had worked before, so I thought I could reach you again that way."** _

I felt bad after hearing that Dean did try to talk to me. I was the one who brushed him off like that, like he meant nothing.  **"Dean, I'm so sorry. I...I had no idea...I was so rude to you..."**

Dean smiled,  _ **"I know, Cas. But it still doesn't change the fact that I could have tried harder."**_

 _ **"Yeah, you could have, Dean. And you could have told me the truth a lot sooner and not carry on this charade, but you didn't do that either. Instead you chose to give up on me, on us..."**_   I felt my lip quivering and I tried to keep my emotions in check.

 _ **"I trusted you, Dean. I told you things that I've never told anyone before. I told you that I loved you, that I wanted to be with you, Dean. You..."**_ , I tried to swallow them, to blink the emotions away. My eyes started to burn from holding back my tears, and I didn't know how much longer I could hold on before completely falling apart. The last thing I wanted was for Dean to see me so fragile. I could be tough through this, I thought to myself.

 _ **"Cas, all I ever wanted was to be with you, to love you. You left me breathless from the moment I saw you walk into that board room. You looked right at me with those gorgeous blue eyes and you smiled. God! I thought my heart was going to explode. All I could think about was how much I wanted to get to know you."**_   He closed his eyes and a flood of warm drops started streaming down his cheeks.

 _ **"I didn't know,"**_   I whispered, shaking my head.

 _ **"How could you, Cas?"**_   He swiped at his face with his shirt sleeve.  _ **"And then I chose to deceive you by writing those letters as 'anonymous'."**_

_**"The letters were beautiful..."** _

_**"Thanks. I just shared how I felt, Cas."** _

_**"Did it ever occur to you that maybe if you would've been honest with me from the beginning, I would have discovered much sooner that I shared those same feelings?"** _

_**"No."** _

_**"And did it occur to you that our relationship could never survive solely on letters? That you'd have to come clean at some point? Did you even think about the ramifications of your actions? Having me meet you on the roof top? Kissing me and then running away? Do you even know how much it hurt to have something so amazing slip through my fingers...and I couldn't do a damn thing about it? "** _

He didn't say anything back in return, but his tears continued to fall.

Despite my own frustrations, I struggled with the urge to comfort Dean. He looked so sad and my heart hurt so much that I could've cried with him.

Deep down I knew that I was as much to blame for this messed up situation as he was. I couldn't just stand there and let him take all the blame. I kept asking myself over and over,  _"What could I have done differently?"_ The only answer that I could come up with is that maybe if I would have tried harder to be nice to Dean, then maybe he wouldn't have felt the need to hide behind his letters and lie to me about who he was.

But what's done is done now, right? There's no going back...only moving forward. And that was the big question I needed to answer. Could I forgive all of this and move forward with Dean?

My breathing became sporadic, and I could feel the walls of my throat closing in. Why was this happening to me? Why can't I ever find love in a simple, straightforward, not complicated way? And could I get over this drama and come out and tell him exactly what my heart has known - but my brain was unwilling to admit - from the very beginning? That I loved him and only him. Not the man behind the letters, but the man who stood here before me today. My Dean...

I wished that I could have pushed my emotions away so the I could have forgotten about them completely, but I couldn't. So, I did the only thing that I could. I cried...

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	20. Chapter 20

**(Castiel's POV)**

Dean hesitantly stepped forward and then backed away, afraid I wouldn't want him to touch me. I raised my weepy eyes to meet his and just like that, he let all his doubts fall away and took that step back towards me, wrapping his warm arms around my waist. He pulled me into him tightly and murmured through his own sobs,  ** _"Please, baby, don't cry. There's nothing that you could've done that would have changed the outcome of our relationship. I did this to us. I broke us..."_**

I loved the way Dean's body felt pressed up against mine like this. The feeling of his strong arms wrapped around my body was one of the best feelings in the world to me. He made me feel safe, protected, but most importantly, he made me feel loved.

I know that I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I was despite my greatest efforts not to. I should be telling him that he has no right to make me feel like this anymore, that he shouldn't be allowed to hold me in his arms and call me his baby. But I'm not. Because I can't. I wont. I don't want to.

Instead, I buried my head further into the crook of Dean's neck and with a soft whisper, I confessed what I've been wanting to say to him from the very beginning.  _ **"I never hated you Dean. I just didn't know how to deal with my feelings. I wish I would have been nicer to you. Maybe then you wouldn't have had to write anonymous letters..."**_

I pulled away far enough so that I could look back into Dean's eyes. He looked straight at me with his emerald-green eyes that were still slightly glazed over from unshed tears and then he quickly closed his eyes.

I could feel Dean slipping away...

He slowly released his grip around my waist and moved both of his hands up to my face, cradling it gently. He finally opened his eyes to meet mine once again and what I saw instead of love was distance and fear. He was slipping farther and farther away from me.  _ **"Cas, don't you ever feel like you have to explain yourself to me. What I did was wrong, and I don't ever want you thinking that this is your fault. Because it's not."**_

_**"But, Dean. I-"** _

_**"No, Cas! I own this."**_   Dean dropped his hands and backed away from me.  _ **"I don't care about our history, about how you treated me...about how we could have done things differently. That's the problem, Cas. What's done is done. At first I thought writing letters would be so romantic. I had envisioned my big reveal and let me tell you, it was nothing like this. I screwed up, Cas, I am the reason we won't be together."**_

_**"So that's it then? You lock me in here only to tell me that this can't work."** _

_**"No, I locked us in here so I could apologize, Cas. I have deceived you for so long, and I knew that I owed you the truth."** _

_**"Okay. Now I know the truth about how this all happened. It's time you tell me why you did it."** _

_**"I'm not sure I get what you're asking, Cas."**_   I just stood there holding my ground as Dean got more and more flustered.  _ **"You know why! I thought you hated me. I saw writing those letters as the only way you'd even give me a second glance!"**_

_**"No, Dean, I know that. I know why you created anonymous. What I want to know is why you even cared about me when I treated you so badly. Why did you think I was worth all of this?"** _

Dean started pacing in my office, running his fingers through his hair.  _ **"Cas, I can't..."**_

_**"Yes you can. Tell me,"**_   I demanded.  _ **"Why me, Dean? Why me?"**_

_**"Aaargh! Dammit, Cas, because you are the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on. I feel like I could stare into your blue eyes forever. You have the greatest laugh. There were times I know you were laughing with Gabriel about me, but I didn't care because I got to hear you and see your smile. When you tap your fingers on your desk when you're thinking, I wanted to reach out and cover it with mine, calming you. You're so business savvy and when you present ideas that others don't get, I just want to shake them and ask how can they not see what a brilliant man you are! Because I adore everything about you, Cas. Because I think you are wonderful and perfect and-"** _

But I didn't let him finish. I had heard enough. And now I just wanted to feel my lips on his. So, I stopped him mid-pace, pushed him against the door and kissed him with a passion I had been suppressing for so long.

My lips grabbed at his hungrily while my fingers fisted into his shirt. Dean let out a whimper signifying his surrender and then he started kissing me back. We crashed together fiercely, hands pulling and grabbing, teeth nipping, lips bruising as we finally succumbed to this insatiable need we had for each other.

_**"Angel..."**_   Dean pleaded with a soft whisper when we parted briefly to catch our breath.  _ **"I'm not sure this is a good idea."**_

Angel. Not Castiel, not baby, but Angel... His Angel...

Hearing Dean call me his Angel again, hearing him say it so softly, made my heart yearn to hear him say it again.

_**"Dean-"** _

_**"No my Angel. I'm not about to make the same mistake I did the last time we were together."** _

_**"You won't...we won't..."**_   but my words fell on deaf ears, and I realized that Dean had the key out to unlock the door.

_**"I think maybe we need time away from this. I'm so sorry; the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you." He turned the key in the lock and opened the door. "Good-bye Angel...please know that I did all of this because I love you."** _

And there it was. The declaration I had wanted to hear from him ever since he locked us inside my office. Knowing now how he truly felt about me, hearing those words from his mouth helped me realize that I wasn't ready to give up on him - on us - just yet.

**_"Dean please..."_ **

**_"Cas, don't make this harder than it already is for both of us."_ **

**_"Dean, I'm not trying to make this harder..."_ **

_**"Don't you know we were doomed from the start! Angel and Anonymous? How could that ever work! You said yourself all of that was built on lies."** _

_**"That might have been, but not this."**   _I managed to reach behind him and close the door.  _ **"Dean, this is us. This is Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester, not Angel and Anonymous, not a celestial creature and his unrequited lover, but you and me."**_

_**"But how can we move on from this, Cas?"** _

_**"Maybe we don't move on, Dean. Maybe we just start again. Kind of like a do-over."** _

He finally turned around so he was facing me once again.  _ **"I lied to you though, Cas. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"**_

_**"If you can find it in yours to forgive me, too."** _

_**"And we're going to pretend none of this happened? We're going to forget Angel and Anonymous?"** _

_**"Well, maybe not entirely. Anonymous was awfully sweet and romantic. I do like how he always called me his Angel."** _

_**"I don't need Anonymous around for me to call you my Angel. That name came to me - Dean Winchester - the first time I ever saw you. Angel comes from my heart, and I'd like to keep calling you that if I can."** _

_**"I'd like that."**_  I smiled brightly at him and he pulled me into his arms.

_**"Good. So, my angel, if we are going to start over, how about we go out on a date - a real one - like to a nice dinner and maybe a show. What do you say, tomorrow night?"** _

_**"Tomorrow night would be great."**_   I took a step back and met Dean's eyes. They were sparkling once again and his lips were curled up into a smile. He looked beautiful. And I just had to kiss him.

I curled my fingers around coarse black hair as I tenderly kissed his lips. It was sweet and short but so amazing. The kiss soon became heated and before I knew it, my backside was pressed up against my desk, and Dean's hands were gripping my hips...

_**To Be Continued...OXO** _


	21. Chapter 21

**(Castiel's POV)**

Papers went flying off the desk in every direction as I ungracefully positioned myself on the edge of the desk and pulled Dean between my legs. It felt so good, but I knew that we shouldn't be doing this.

We really, really shouldn't be doing this in my office. Especially now that the door was unlocked.

It was very unprofessional, and might I add, quite risky knowing that Gabriel could walk in on us at any minute. Whatever reasons I came up with in an attempt to convince myself that this was wrong and that I shouldn't even be thinking of having sex with Dean in my office, ten much more enticing reasons popped into my head telling me that this was right and that we needed to get this show on the road.

 ** _"Fuck, Dean! That's it! Right there!...Oh God!"_** I yelled out as Dean gripped my legs, pulling me closer to him. He started rolling his hips against mine; Bulge met bulge with each dexterous press of his body, and I couldn't stop my back from arching in order to get even closer. I let my head fall back and let out a contented moan as Dean started to grind harder against me.

 ** _"Angel..._** " He murmured into my mouth, his lips latched greedily onto mine. ** _"You need to keep it down. Wouldn't want everyone in the office to hear you screaming out my name like that, now would we?"_**   Dean tried fighting back the curious smile that was slowly creeping across his face, ** _"Or do you?"_**   he lifted his brows in question.

 ** _"Mmmm,"_**   was all I could manage before Dean slid his soft lips across my cheek to my ear. He exhaled his warm sweet air against my neck, and I cried out once again.  ** _"Ahhhh!"_**

God! I was really loud wasn't I?  ** _"I'm sorry...I do NOT want them to know but I also don't think I want everyone to find out this w-"._**  Dean's right hand kneading my clothed erection immediately silenced my babbling. Rolling his fingers over my swollen shaft with well practiced movements made my body buck and shudder uncontrollably. **_"Holy Shit you feel so amazing!"_**

Dean gave me a wide-eyed look, his emerald-green eyes were filled with hunger, with lust.  ** _"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this to you,"_**   he growled, grabbing a hold of my tie in the process,  ** _"and I wanna make you scream out my name so fucking loud that everyone in the entire building is going to know that you're mine, Angel."_**

That was probably the sexiest fucking thing that I'd ever heard. ** _"Your Angel..."_**   I submitted; no more reasons to deny that I was indeed his Angel. I kissed him hard and we swallowed each other's desirous pleas for more.

Suddenly Dean pulled away, letting go of my tie, and his hands began working on the button of my trousers. I settled back into the desk and closed my eyes when I felt the zipper being pulled down. Then I felt Dean's hand slowly working its way inside my boxer briefs, his fingertips gently grazing my throbbing muscle. That was about as far as he got before my entire body jerked up from the desk as if electrocuted. A lustful moan fell from my lips, echoing throughout the office walls as I pressed myself into his eager hand.

 ** _"Relax, my Angel. I've got you."_**  All of this felt so incredible. But I also knew that with only just a few more minutes of this, I was definitely going to explode. I didn't care, though. He's got me...my Dean has got me, so I obliged and exhaled deeply, letting the air out of my lungs that I didn't realize that I'd been holding. Looking into his trusting green eyes I felt safe, and I relaxed my entire body, surrendering myself to him completely.

Unfortunately, that's about as far as we got, before Gabriel walked in unannounced.

Dean and I hastily broke away from each other and turned our attention to Gabriel, who was standing there with the door half-opened, just staring at us.

 ** _"Cas? What the-"_**   Gabriel's reaction was to be expected. He had wanted us to talk, to resolve our issues. He probably didn't expect to walk in and find us going at it on my desk.

 ** _"Gabe!"_**   I choked as I pulled off the desk, turned away from him and tried to zip up my trousers.  ** _"Gabe, you could have knocked before coming in, you bastard!"_**

Gabriel had a devilish smile plastered on his face.  ** _"Yep, I could have knocked, but I would have missed that,"_** he pointed back and forth between me and Dean, ** _"and that my friend was one of the hottest encounters I've ever witnessed! Woah! Never thought you had it in you, Novak!"_**

**_"Shut the fuck up Gabe and close the door please!"_ **

Gabriel laughed and looked over at Dean who was obviously flustered, trying to rub the wrinkles from his shirt and readjust his tie. **"Hey, Winchester!,"** Gabriel nodded to Dean and gave him a playful wink.  ** _"Didn't think you had it in you either man."_**

Dean blushed as he finished readjusting himself.  ** _"Hi, Gabe,"_**   he said before turning his attention back to me. Leaning in close to my face, he whispered, ** _"perhaps we can finish this later on this evening?"_**

 ** _"Wait, isn't our first date scheduled for tomorrow night?"_** I inquired playfully.

**_"Yes, but I was hoping to see you tonight too. But if you don't want to, we can wait until tomorrow..."_ **

**_"No!"_** I responded quickly and loudly. I peered over Dean's shoulder to see Gabriel still watching us closely. Clearly Gabriel wasn't going anywhere for a while.  ** _"I'd love to see you tonight, too."_**

 ** _"I was hoping you'd say that,"_**   Dean said with a shy smile.

 ** _"Good, and if you're lucky enough,"_**   I paused for dramatic effect, ** _"I might even let you help your Angel spread his wings._** " I teased and winked.

Dean swallowed hard.  ** _"Wings huh? Just don't use them to fly away from me again..."_**

I shook my head 'no' and smiled back at him.

Dean grinned and leaned in a little closer so that Gabriel wouldn't hear what he was about to say next.  ** _"Good, because your wings aren't the only things that I intend on spreading this evening. Later my Angel."_**

I stared at him in shock as he placed a quick but intense kiss on my lips. ** _"Um, oh, okay,"_**   I managed to say, blushing furiously.

Dean winked at me and left the office with a huge grin on his face.  ** _"Later Gabe,"_**   Dean said as he disappeared from my office.

 ** _"Nicely done, Novak,"_**   Gabriel couldn't help himself from smiling smugly at me.  ** _"I knew you had it in you man."_**

 ** _"Shut up Gabe, please!"_**   He started chuckling loudly at me. I tried to smack him in the arm but he pulled away too quickly. ** _"Enough, okay! We really do have to finish our presentation..."_**

**_To Be Continued...OXO_ **


	22. Chapter 22

**(Castiel's POV)**

Two hours later...

 ** _"What?"_**  I asked Gabriel when I saw him staring at me with a stupid grin plastered all over his face. Sometimes, I wish I could just go over and smack him. I'm really tempted to right now.

**_"Nothing. Just thinking."_ **

**_"About?"_**   I questioned, hoping that I wouldn't regret asking, because I usually did.

 ** _"Well, since you asked,"_**   Gabriel smiled mischievously,  ** _"I was thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't walked in on you and Dean a while ago."_**

 ** _"Forget that I asked."_**   See? I knew I'd regret asking. Should I feel weirded out that my best friend thinks that me getting it on with a guy is hot? Perhaps.

 ** _"No, wait! That's not what I mean, Novak!"_**   Gabriel quickly intervened. ** _"What I'm trying to say is that I've never seen you look so happy."_**

Now it was my turn to grin. ** _"That's because I am happy. Dean makes me happy."_**

 ** _"That's good. I'm glad things are working out for you, Novak. And it doesn't hurt that Dean's got a nice ass. I bet you're gonna be tapping that later tonight!"_**   Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows and smirked.

 ** _"Gabe, what the hell, man?"_**   Once again I felt the urge to smack him.

**_"What? Just because I'm straight doesn't mean that I don't appreciate a nice ass when I see one! Geez!"_ **

**_"Shut up and get back to work!"_**  Gabriel chuckled but resumed his work. We continued to work in silence, trying to sort out the final details of our proposal, which was due Monday. With all the drama that happened this past week with Dean, we had fallen behind, and I still needed to come up with a name for our product.

Just as I paused to quickly check my emails, the notification indicating that I had a new message appeared on my screen. I smiled when I saw who it was from. Dean.

I opened it up and blushed like a schoolgirl when I read the message.

* * *

**Dean A. Winchester (D.A.W. ) Sent: 11:32 A.M.**

**To: Castiel J. Novak (C.J.N. )**

**I miss you already, my Angel. I can't stop thinking about you or those beautiful blue eyes of yours. Meet me in heaven for lunch?**

**Your Anonymous**

* * *

Heaven...I knew exactly what he meant by that. We had been there together once before.

I looked at the clock and it was already 11:45 A.M. We get out for lunch at noon. So, this was cutting it a little close. Our presentation was far from being done, and we needed to accomplish as much as possible before the end of the day. The sooner we could get out of here, the sooner I'd get to go on my date with Dean.

 ** _"Hey, Gabe?"_**  I asked, feeling a little guilty for asking him to work on the presentation without me. It was my fault that we were behind on this in the first place.

**_"Yeah?"_ **

**_"Would it be okay if I left the office for a little while? Dean invited me for lunch, but if you need me to stay and work through lunch on the presentation, I'll just message him and tell him that I-"_ **

**_"No way Novak. You're going! Have fun and behave! Remember we still have work to do this afternoon, and I can't have you daydreaming like a schoolgirl,"_**   Gabriel smiled brightly.

 ** _"Are you sure? Because I can tell him that I'm busy or something,"_**   I rambled on, but Gabriel promptly interrupted.

**_"Castiel Novak! Get your ass out of here and go meet your man. I'll be fine without you for an hour."_ **

**_"Are you positive?"_**   I asked one last time, just to make sure that Gabriel was really okay with it.

 ** _"Get out of here."_**   He motioned me to the door but I just stood there. ** _"Go! Before I change my mind!"_**

**_"Okay, I'm just gonna send Dean a quick email to let him know that I'm coming."_ **

* * *

**Castiel J. Novak (C.J.N. ) Sent: 11:52 A.M.**

**To: Dean A. Winchester (D.A.W. )**

**I miss you too. I can't stop thinking about you either, but I'm not thinking about your eyes. I'm thinking about your beautiful smile, and those lips...and how much I can't wait to kiss them. ;)(Should I not be saying this in a work email?) Meet you in heaven in 10.**

**Your Angel**

* * *

After finishing my email to Dean, I handed over a few documents to Gabriel, pointing out a couple of details in the proposal that I wanted to change. As soon as he appeared to have everything under control, I headed out the door to meet Dean in " _heaven_ ", aka, the roof top.

Once I got there, I spotted Dean standing near the right corner of the roof top looking down at the city below, patiently waiting for me to arrive. On his left, there was what I assumed to be a blanket with food containers and few bottles of water on it. I smiled when I realized that Dean had arranged a romantic picnic for the two of us.

I gently cleared my throat to let Dean know of my arrival.  ** _"Hey there handsome,"_**   I greeted him shyly, the memories of our passionate office exchange very fresh in my mind. I still wasn't use to all the perks of being in a relationship, but it was definitely something that I could get use to.

Dean slowly turned around and smiled when he saw me standing there.  ** _"Hi."_**   He walked right up to me and cupped both sides of my face and kissed me like his life depended on it. " ** _I missed you."_**

 **"I missed you too, Babe."** I breathed out as we slowly pulled apart from each other.

 ** _"You hungry, Angel?"_**   he smiled and led me over to where he had set up our lunch. ** _"I hope you like turkey?"_**   Dean seemed as nervous as I was about all this. We still hadn't gotten around to discussing our relationship status yet, but I was hoping that by the time the weekend was over, that question would be answered.

 ** _"It's my favorite thing in the world, besides you of course."_**   I blushed when I realized I just said that out loud to him.

 ** _"That makes two if us,"_**   Dean admitted.  ** _"Come, sit down with me._** " I sat as closely to him as I possibly could without actually sitting on him. Was that too much? The last thing I wanted was for Dean to think that I was being, how could I put it, too clingy.

 ** _"I can't believe you did all this. It's perfect!"_**  I couldn't believe that Dean went through this trouble just to show me how much he cared about me.  ** _"But, you didn't have to go through all this trouble."_**

Dean smiled, and I could feel the butterflies fluttering inside my stomach as he leaned over and kissed my cheek. ** _"You're worth it, my Angel!"_**

The picnic was amazing. Dean and I fed each other pieces of fruit and cheese that he had prepared for us, along with the sandwiches (which I knew he bought from the little store on the corner that I absolutely loved), and basically enjoyed every single moment of our time together. I couldn't stop smiling the entire lunch hour. I looked over at my watch and noticed that it was almost time for me to head back inside to finish up my presentation with Gabriel.

 ** _"I have to go soon,"_**  I frowned. I didn't want this moment to end. And now more than ever, I couldn't wait to spend more time with Dean tonight on our date.

 **"I k** **now, but look at it this way,"**  Dean said as he got up and pulled me along with him, **"We have the entire night to ourselves without work, bosses, or interruptions."**

 ** _"Yeah, about that..."_** , I wasn't sure how Dean would react to what I was about to propose. I was nervous about asking him to spend the weekend over at my apartment. I was almost afraid that he was going to think that I was going too fast for his liking. But I went for it anyway. I was fairly confident that Dean felt the same way as I did about us...so why not? ** _"...I was thinking that maybe, you could...I don't know, maybe bring an extra change of clothes with you tonight?"_**

Dean gave me a questioning look. I swore I saw an eager glint in his eyes.  ** _"Why? Did you have anything special planned?"_**

 ** _"No, I just wanted you to know that once I get you to my place, I'm not planning on letting you leave until Sunday."_**   I winked confidently.

 **_"Oh, wow!_ ** **_"_ **

My heart sank. " ** _B-but that's fine if you don't want to..."_**   I started to backtrack frantically.

With one swift movement Dean pulled me into his arms and kissed me hard.  ** _"I love the way you think, Angel, and I can't wait to finally have some quality alone time with you."_**

 ** _"Me either,"_**   I breathed a sigh of relief.

He looked at me a bit puzzled.  ** _"Were you worried I wouldn't want to stay with you, Cas?"_**

**_"I just - I guess I didn't know. I thought you did but then when you only responded with 'wow', I thought I had misread you."_ **

**_"No, not at all. You did not misread me. I was pleasantly surprised...and I'm sorry if I seemed unsure. Because I'm not. At all. I can't think of anything that I want more than to spend a weekend with you."_ **

I stood there grinning from ear to ear.

**_"This time though can we find a softer surface than your desk?"_ **

__Oh god,yes! I have a queen size bed with your name written all over it!_ _

I blushed furiously and chuckled.  _ **"Sure, I think that can be arranged."**_

 ** _"Good."_**   Then we stood there and just stared at each other not wanting to break up the moment.

**_"I really have to go..."_ **

**_"I know, Cas. Better get that presentation done."_** Dean leaned over and placed the gentlest kiss on my lips.

 **"HmmmMmmm,"**  I mumbled.

**_"See you tonight."_ **

I nodded and turned towards the door.  ** _"Until tonight,"_**   I said as I turned the knob.

**_"Until tonight, my Angel."_ **

**_To be Continued...OXO_ **


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Alright! This is just more office smut! Next chapter is their first official date at Case De La Novak aka Cas' love nest! I can't wait! Hope you enjoy this chapter, cause I enjoyed writing it! Like 3 years ago!! Damn it's been long time since I updated, but I am gonna give this another try. I am sorry!!! Chapter is not Beta and all mistakes are my own so go easy on me, okay?

**(Castiel's POV)**

The afternoon was dragging along rather slowly as Gabriel and I continued to work on our proposal together. Gabriel had everything sorted out for the meeting on Monday, which I was extremely nervous about might I add; and the only thing missing was the marketing pitch and the product name. I let out a frustrating sigh because the clock was ticking by quickly so slowly and I couldn't come up with anything that would do our product justice. And to add-on to the stress of finding the perfect brand name for our perfume, I couldn't stop thinking about my date with Dean this evening and us spending the entire week-end together as a couple.

_**"You okay, man?"**_   Gabriel finally asked when he noticed my distress.

_**"Yeah, I'm just a little nervous. That's all."** _

_**"About tonight? Or about our meeting on Monday?"**_   Gabriel asked as he smiled.

_**"Both actually,"**_   I admitted as I laid my head back against the my desk chair and took a deep breath. _**"I have no idea what I'm doing here, Gabe. This is uncharted territory for me."**_

Gabriel laughed. _**"Cas, you've got this. You've been working on this proposal _ **for months**_ and we're down to final details. All you need to come up with now, is a name for your product and a marketing pitch that will wow the board members. As for Dean, well...I think that you're gonna be just fine. It's obvious by the way that he looks at you when you're not looking, the way that he smiles when he mentions your name, that he's totally and hopelessly in love with you."**_

I smiled hopefully. _**"You think so, Gabe? I mean, I've never been in a serious relationship before and things started out pretty rocky between us, with the letters and him keeping his anonymity a secret. How can I be sure that this isn't just an act to get me into bed and then leave me hanging?"**_

_**"Cas, come on. You're over thinking this way too much. Do you honestly think that Dean would have went through all of this trouble, only to get you into his bed and then toss you out like yesterday's news?"** _

_**"No."**_   Gabriel had a point. Dean never would have went through all the trouble of writing all those letters and trying is hardest to win me over if he wasn't serious about having a relationship with me in the end. I was probably just a little apprehensive.

_**"Exactly! Now, try to stop worrying and get your ass into gear. We've got a pitch to write."**_   Gabriel was right. I needed to get my act together and I needed to do it quickly. We only had a few more hours before the office closed, to work on the proposal. I really needed to concentrate and get as much work done as possible so that Dean and I could have the entire weekend to ourselves; without having any distractions whatsoever.

I sat up straight and started drafting ideas on paper when someone knocked at the door. _**"Could you get that for me, Gabe?"**_   I asked without looking up from my papers.

_**"Sure!"**_   Gabriel got up and answered. _**"Yes?"**_

_**"I have a delivery for Mr. Novak. Could you sign here, please?"**_   I looked up and saw a delivery man smiling widely at Gabriel as he signed for what I assumed was a package.

_**"Here you go, sir."**_   Gabriel handed the clipboard with the list of names back over the delivery man, and waited for the package to be handed over to him.

_**"Thank you."**_   The nice delivery man smiled again. _**"I'll be right back with your delivery."**_   Gabriel looked at me curiously and waited for the delivery man to return. A few minutes passed when the man finally returned holding a beautiful bouquet of a dozen blue roses in his hands. _**"Here you go, Mr. Novak. You're a very lucky man."**_   The delivery man winked slyly and then smiled. He handed Gabriel the bouquet and eyed him cautiously. My heart just about stopped. No one besides Dean has ever given me a flower before, let alone an entire bouquet of them. Gabriel tipped the man generously and thank him before closing the door.

_**"Wow! Someone's got it bad."**_   Gabriel made note and handed the flowers over to my shaky hands.

I took the flowers and immediately placed them on the desk in front of me and admired them carefully. _**"Oh my god! These are so beautiful!"**_   I leaned down and smelled the freshly cut flowers, taking in the floral aroma of each one of the blue roses, when I noticed there was a card. _**"There's a card."**_   I beamed as I reached out took the tiny white envelope out of the bouquet and carefully pulled out the note that was left inside for me and read it silently.

* * *

_**To my Angel,** _

_**Can't wait to hold you in my arms tonight.** _

_**Love, your Anonymous** _

* * *

I took the card and placed it over my heart and closed my eyes. Who knew that something as simple as flowers and a note could leave you feeling like I you're floating on cloud nine. I opened up my eyes when I realized that I wasn't alone in the room and looked over at Gabriel who staring at me with a huge grin on his face. _**"What?"**_   I asked, ducking my head down shyly.

_**"Well, I gotta tell you... Never thought I'd see the day, that Castiel Novak, finally fell in love."**_   Gabriel said blinking his eyelids quickly and fake swooning.

_**"Shut up!"**_   I laughed.

_**"So, are you going to go and thank Dean for the flowers now?"**   _Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows, _**"Or are you going to wait, and properly thank him tonight, if you know what I mean?"**_

_**"Gabe! Would you stop it!"**_ I felt myself blushing furiously. _**"Not everything is about sex. Besides, I'm not even sure if Dean would want me to drop by his office unannounced. We haven't really had a chance to talk about our relationship and how that's going to affect us at the office. I'm not even sure if Dean wants people from the office to know that we're dating or not. Plus, I wouldn't wanna make him feel uncomfortable or anything."**_

_**"Why would he feel uncomfortable with you stopping by his office to say thank you? I personally think that he'd be thrilled for you to go see him."** _

_**"You think so?"**   _I was still unsure about what I should do.

_**"I know he would. If someone would send me a dozen roses, I would definitely expect a call, or in this case, a personal thank you by dropping by their office for a quick hello."**_   Gabriel encouraged me to go to Dean, but I still had a few doubts about it.

_**"I don't know, Gabe. He might be busy, or something, and I wouldn't wanna bother him-"** _

_**"Would you stop making excuses not to go, and just go see him before I drag you over there myself?"** _

I could see how determined Gabriel was for me to go over to Dean's office to thank him for the flowers, and if you knew Gabriel as well I did, you would know that there wasn't any chance of him backing off about it either. So I obliged. _**"Okay, fine! I'll be right back."**_

_**"That's my boy! Got get him tiger!"** _

_**"Tiger? Never mind."**_   I shook my head in disbelief as I got up from my chair, walked out the door, and headed over to Dean's office to properly _"thank him"_ so to speak.

* * *

_**"Excuse me, Mary?"**_   Mary, Dean's secretary, lifted her eyes up and smiled when she spotted me on the other side of her desk.

_**"Oh, hello Mr. Novak. What can I do for you on this fine day?"**_   She asked nicely, leaning forward in her chair.

_**"I was wondering if De-"**_ I stopped in mid sentence when I realized that in the office, Dean was known as Mr. Winchester. I still had to keep things professional between us until we discussed the details our relationship. So I corrected myself quickly and continued. _ **"-Mr. Winchester was busy at the moment. I would have like to meet with him for a few minutes, if possible to discuss a few things."**_

_**"Sure, let me check his schedule. Hold on."**_   She flipped through her black agenda quickly checking over Dean's daily schedule, _**"Mr. Winchester has no meetings scheduled for this afternoon, so I presume he's free at the moment. Let me just check with him just to make sure."**_

_**"That would be great. Thank you, Mary."** _

_**"No problem, Mr. Novak. Just a minute."**_   Mary grabbed her phone buzzed Dean. **_"Hello, Mr. Winchester. Mr. Novak is here and would like to see you if you're available. OKay, great! I'll let him know, sir. I'll make sure to tell him, sir. You're most welcome sir."_**   Mary smiled and hanged up the phone. **_"Mr. Winchester as advised me that he's just finishing up a few things and that he'll be out to get you in a few minutes."_**

_**"Great. Thank you, Mary."**_   I took a seat on the waiting area and patiently Waited for Dean to come out of his office to get me.

A few minutes passed when Dean finally came walking out his office with a huge smile on his face. _**"Mr. Novak, you can come in."**_   Dean said formally speaking as he gestured me to go inside his office.

I smiled and immediately shot up from my seat and walked towards Dean. _**"Thanks for meeting with me on such short notice."**_

Dean winked at me and turned to Mary, _**"Mary, could please hold all my calls for at least thirty minutes, oh and could you make sure that Mr. Novak and I aren't interrupted either please?"**_   Dean asked Mary, who looked at me rather suspiciously, as if she knew about Dean and I being together. However, I might have just been slightly paranoid. Even if she knew about us, it wouldn't matter anyways, right? But what does Dean think about it? Does he want us to keep this a secret or would he would be okay if his co-workers knew?

_**"Or course, sir. That is not a problem. You two have fun!"**_ , she giggled.

Dean's eyes grew wide after hearing Mary's remark. **_"Fun?"_** Dean repeated.

_**"Sorry, sir. I wasn't implying anything...I...I...didn't mean to make it sound like that. It's just, you two look so cute together and I just thought-"** _

Dean quickly cut Mary off, _**"Mary, it's fine. Don't worry about it,"**_   Dean tried to reassure her that there was no harm done for thinking that he and I were a couple.

_**"It won't happen again, sir. I promise that I'll keep my thoughts to myself from now on."**_   Mary frowned and seemed pretty nervous. The poor woman was probably worried about getting fired because of her slip up. But knowing Dean's kind heart, he would never do anything as harsh as firing a person for pointing out the obvious.

Dean walked back over to Mary and smiled. _**"Look, Mary. If it makes you feel any better, Mr. Novak and I are in fact dating if that's what you were wondering. It's just that we haven't had the chance to discuss whether or not we're both ready to tell everyone at the office about our relationship just yet. We would like to keep it that way for the time being. At least until we have figured out what we want to say."**_   Dean looked up at me, silently asking for my approval.

I happily nodded.

_**"Of course Sir. I promise you that I won't tell a soul."**_   Mary said with a huge smile, her dimples shining.

_**"Thanks, Mary. I knew that I could count on you."** _

_**"You're a very lucky man, Mr. Winchester. Mr. Novak is one hell of a catch!"** _

I could feel my cheeks turning three shades of red when Mary pointed that out Dean. But honestly... Me? A good catch?

_**"Oh Trust me Mary,"**   _Dean said looking at me from the corner of his eyes, _**"I know how lucky I am."**_

_**"This is so great! I'm so happy for the both of you. Alright, I'll leave you two alone. Have a nice meeting and I'll make it my personal duty to make sure that no one disturbs you, sir."**   _Mary winked at both me, and Dean and carried on with her secretarial duties. We both chuckled and went inside Dean's office.

I barely had the time to set foot in the office when Dean grabbed me and pinned me up against the door and started ravishing me with his soft, luscious pink lips. _**"God, I've hardly been able to concentrate today. You're all I can think about Angel."**   _His voice was magnetic and captivating.

I pulled him closer to my body and kissed him back with equal force. _**"I can't stop thinking about you either."**_   I softly whispered in between kisses.

Dean's hands were fisted tightly into my shirt as he smiled against my lips. _**"So forbidden, yet so much fun."**_   he said, his tongue darting out asking permission to enter my mouth.

I smiled back, _**"So much fun."**_   I repeated, parting my lips slowly and granting him entrance. I closed my eyes and raised my hands towards the back of Dean's head, letting my fingers gently brushed through his dark messy hair. God help me ! I simply couldn't resist myself from touching it. I've thought about running my fingers through those brown locks so many times, and I promised myself that once the opportunity finally presented itself, that I wouldn't be holding myself back. And that's exactly what I did and Dean didn't seem to mind it at all. To my surprise, he actually seemed to be enjoying it.

No wait! Scratch that. It was driving him crazy.

It's only after a few minutes of kissing each other and extreme hair tugging (on my behalf) that I realized that something was up with Dean when he quickly pulled away from me. _**"Cas, if you don't stop whatever it is you're doing with my hair, I swear to god that I'm gonna-..."**_   Dean cut himself off with a groan.

_**"What are you gonna do, Dean?"**   _I asked, tugging a little harder on his hair this time. _**"Tell me..."**_

Dean pleaded. _**"Don't make me say it, Cas. You already know the things that I wanna do to you."**_

I reached out and took Dean's hand and pulled myself off the door and took a step forward, pushing Dean back a few steps in the process. _**"I want you to tell me again. I wanna hear you say it!"**_   I was very insistent this time and I wasn't about to take no for an answer.

_**"Please,"**_   Dean begged, _**"don't make me say it-..."**_

Taking another step forward with the eyes firmly fixed on Dean's face, I pressed my mouth upon his, letting my tongue slip in between the seam of his lips, cutting him off in the process, forcing Dean to whimper inside me mouth.

* * *

**(Dean's POV)**

The kiss was calming, soothing, and I could feel it; that this was what love felt like. I could feel it. I felt the urge to pull back and tell Castiel what he wanted to hear, all of it, but at the same time, I didn't wanna say or do anything to ruin the this. I waited so long to find someone as amazing as Castiel, that I wasn't about to let myself screw this up by saying something inappropriate, or something that might make him uncomfortable.

But this is Cas. My Angel. and he was practically begging me to tell him. He would never judge me for having an Angel kink. Right?

I pulled away far enough to look at Cas' face and opened my mouth to say it, but when I saw those blue orbs staring back at me, the words somehow got stuck in my throat and instead, I leaned back in and pressed our foreheads together and tried catching my breath.

_**"Cas..."**_   I started, _**"Cas, I-"**_

_**"Just tell me, Dean. Please..."**_   Castiel demanded, blue eyes wide opened as if he was staring right into my soul. Castiel's eyes were my weakness, and just like that, I cracked and told him everything that I was holding back in fear of scaring him off.

I leaned forward as if I was about to kiss him, but instead, I maneuvered my way over to the side of his face, resting my lips just above his ear. _**"I want to spread out your wings, Angel,"**_   I whispered while running my hands over Cas' shirt. _**"I want to touch you, Angel. I want to spread you out and worship every inch of you with my bare hands until I've memorized every last detail of your entire body and have it engraved in my mind forever."**_

_**"Fuck! De-"**_  Castiel shuddered against me.

_**"Wait, I'm not finished, babe. I was just getting started."**_ I pointed out, causing Castiel to moan softly. _**"When I enter your body for the first time, I want to make you feel things that you've never felt before. I want you to feel nothing but pleasure and pure ecstasy. I want you to tell me exactly how hard and how fast you want it**_ _ **and I will oblige, my Angel. I promise you that I'll make sure that all your sexual fantasies come true.** **And when you come, I want it to be mind-blowing for you. I want to make you scream out my name so fucking hard that everyone in your entire building will know that you're my Angel.** **And when I'm done with you, I want to hold on to you, wrap my arms around you, and tell you how much I love you, and never, ever, let you go, Angel..."**_   I took a deep breath, _**"but I can't do that, Angel. Not without your permission..."**_

I moved my lips from Castiel's ear down to his mouth, hovering them gently over his own lips without touching them directly. I could feel Castiel's breath against raging against my skin as he waited for me to continue, so I did. _**"Cas?"**_

Castiel swallowed hard before answering. _**"Y-yeah?"**_

_**"Do I have your permission to do those things to you?"** _

_**"Fuck, yes!"**_   Castiel growled and pushed me up against my desk. _**"Touch me, for god sake! I want your hands all over me, De...want you to spread me out just like you said...want you to make me scream! Jesus Christ, Dean! Wanted you for so long..."**_

At this point, Castiel was all over me and there was no stopping him. But I had to find away. This wasn't how I imagined our first time together, and as much as the idea of having sex in my office turned me on (and believe me it did) I wasn't about to let my horneyness get in the way of what could be the most amazing night of my life. _**"Angel, we need to turn this down a notch."**_   I said as I tried to free myself from Castiel's hold.

_**"Iwant you, babe. So, much...can't wait to be without."**_   Castiel moved his hands slowly down to my trousers and started fiddling with the button, trying very hard to pry them open. But that's when I stopped him. _**"What? Did I do something wrong? I thought that this is what you wanted?"**   _Castielwas confused and looked hurt when I suddenly put on the brakes.

_**"It is what I want, Angel, and no, you did nothing wrong."** _

_**"Then why did you stop?"**_ , Castiel questioned.

_**"Angel, I've waited so long to find someone as amazing as you, that waiting a little while longer for us to be together won't matter. We have the whole week-end to spend with each other, and I want to do this right. In bed preferable, without having unidentified object shoved up my ass."**_   I said as I pulled out a stapler from underneath my ass and placed it next to me, causing Castiel to laugh.

_**"You're right, Dean. I'm sorry. Just got a little carried away there for a moment."** _

_**"I know the feeling."**_ I admitted and smiled. _**"So,"**_   I decided to change the subject, _**"What brought you by my office? And if you say that it's my good looks and charm, I might have to reconsider your offer for spending the weekend with you."**_ I giggled.

_**"Don't you dare!"**_ , Castiel joked and reached for my hands and pulled off the desk and wrapped his arms around my neck. _**"No, I just wanted to drop by and say thank you for the flowers and maybe get a few kisses in the process."**_

_**"So, you like them?"**_   I asked, hoping that the flowers wasn't too much.

_**"I love them. They're so beautiful."** _

_**"But not as beautiful as you are, my Angel."**_   I said and kissed Castiel on the gently on the lips. _**"I can't wait to spend the weekend with you."**_

_**"Neither can I. Well, I guess I should probably get back before Gabriel wonders where I disappeared to. I told him that I would only be a few minutes."** _

I took Castiel's hand and walked him over to the door. _**"Guess you shouldn't keep him waiting any longer. So, what time should I drop by tonight?"**_

_**"Whenever you're ready."**_   Castiel smiled nervously.

_**"Okay. Is seven o'clock to early?"** _

_**"Seven o'clock sounds perfect. I'll make us a romantic dinner."** _

_**"You're going to spoil me rotten and I'll never wanna leave your apartment."** _

_**"That's the plan! Oh, and don't forget to bring a change of clothes. Even if I intend to spend the entire weekend sans clothing!"**_ Castiel wiggled his brows.

_**"So sneaky, yet so adorable."**_ I said as I kissed him goodbye one last time before he stepped out the door. _**"I love you, Angel,"**_

**_"I love you too, babe. See you soon."_ **

With one last kiss, I nodded my head and smiled. **_"See you soon, Angel."_**

 

**_To Be Continued...oxo_ **


End file.
